Begin Again (Again #1)(51)

I dragged myself over to the bed and let myself sink into it. Lost in thought, I stroked the soft white down comforter and breathed in the fragrance of freshly washed linen. Little candies lay on the pillow. Just like at Rachel’s. My fingers closed around my cell phone. I had to call Kaden. I owed him that much. But I felt so stupid. After all, Mom’s tricks were nothing new. I should’ve known she’d pull something to get me to the gala. How awful that Kaden now had to experience this up close. I was ashamed that he’d seen me in this embarrassing condition and that I’d ruined the day for him and his mom, for no good reason.

Taking a deep breath, I called his number. My throat was tight, my mouth dry.

He picked up on the first ring.

“Allie.” He sounded relieved.

I closed my eyes, feeling ridiculous. “Hey.”

“How are you?” he asked, clearing his throat. “How’s your father?”

“Everything’s okay,” I said, nearly swallowing my words. “Mom lied.”

Silence on the other end of the line. Then: “She what?”

“He got a minor injury playing squash. That’s all,” I went on. My voice was dull. I rubbed my eyes. Why did they have to start burning now, of all times? “He tore his ligament, but otherwise he’s fine. He was surprised to see me.”

“That crafty piece of shit!” Kaden blurted out; I could picture his jaw tightening, his brows knit into a frown.

I smiled; his words didn’t bother me. That was Kaden—if he wanted to insult my mother, he did it. He was the best person in the world to talk to right now.

“It’s okay,” I tried to reassure him anyway.

“No,” he growled. “Nothing is okay, there’s nothing about this that’s okay.”

He was getting louder and I could hear Rachel asking him something. He answered: “No, her mom basically lied to get her to come to some crappy celebration. It’s okay for me to tell my mom, right?”

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. Rachel had been so caring—of course she should know what was going on.

Rachel said something else unintelligible; then there was silence. Kaden must’ve gone in another room. “So how do you feel?” he finally asked.

To be honest, I didn’t know exactly how I was doing. On one hand, I was relieved that dad was okay. On the other hand, I just wanted to cry. I’d spent half the day worrying to death. To top it off, my rage at my mother was blazing.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, laying down on my back and pinching my nostrils to keep from crying. Kaden had seen too many of my tears; I didn’t want to be a burden on him. Not after he’d been there for me.

“Can I do anything?” he murmured.

“If only I hadn’t fallen for her trick, and had stayed with you.” I swallowed my tears. “I hope I haven’t ruined your day.”

Now Kaden groaned. “Only you would think of that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You get an awful call from your mother, nearly have a nervous breakdown, catch the next flight because you think something happened to your father, you find out that he’s fine and that your mom was fucking with you—and then you apologize to me for possibly ruining my day. You’ve lost it, Bubbles.”

“Thanks a lot,” I growled. But I felt better. Kaden was on my side. Even without knowing the details about my past or about my family, he stood up for me. Just because.

“Where are you now?”

“I booked a room in the most expensive hotel I could find,” I announced, and ran my hand over the fine white sheets. “To get back at Mom. It was the only thing I could think of.”

“Well done.”

“I’m a genius.”

“You are.”

Again I had to smile. “You agreed with me!”

“I’m making exceptions today.” Could it be that I heard Kaden grinning?

There was a long silence. I heard his calm, strong breathing.

“I wish you were here,” the words slipped out of me.

The sound of his breathing stopped abruptly, and I frowned. I’d broken so many of Kaden’s rules in the last few days; I couldn’t count my transgressions on both hands any more.

“I have to go.” Now he sounded absent, and I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t meant to cross the line, and now he was pulling back.

“Say hi to your mom for me,” I said, putting on a cheerful voice before hanging up and turning off my phone to prevent my doing anything else dumb.

And for the next few hours I indulged in self-pity, losing myself in tears.

After crying my eyes dry and then falling asleep for who knows how long, I did feel better. Tears cleanse the soul—wasn’t that an old saying? At least it was true for me.

Now it was time for a bath. I had sweat a lot during the trip.

Oh well, no scented candles. But the lights could be dimmed until they practically twinkled.

I slipped into the tub. The warmth did me good, and I submerged. But my thoughts kept coming back.

Though I wasn’t even twenty-one yet, it was now clear to me that the time had come to ditch my parents. To them, outward appearances always took precedence, even if it meant sacrificing the welfare of their only child. This was also true for tomorrow’s celebration. I had to find a way to deal with these kinds of situations without getting too upset. For years, my efforts to work things out with my parents had failed. There was no point in going on like this. Not everyone was destined to have a healthy, intact family, to have a sense of belonging. It’d been hard for me to accept this, but it was time to acknowledge that I didn’t feel at home with my parents. Their values didn’t speak to me, and it looked like mine didn’t speak to them, either.