Atonement(27)
I slipped on the lamp next to my bed. It carried a low-watt lighting throughout the room, soothing rather than garish. “Listen, I may not have had to live up to an older sibling but I have had Caitlyn and let me tell you something about my perfect blonde sister. She did everything right and I couldn’t ever do anything she did. I hated the comparison. It’s probably why I wouldn’t work for Amazon if they were the only company in Seattle. I’d never measure up because everyone would always compare me to Cait and I don’t want that shit.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I certainly don’t have your issues because I know Cait and she is far from perfect. She watches her weight like a hawk because she is prone to weight gain and I can eat anything I want. She’s gorgeous but she suffers from self-esteem issues too. I know she secretly feels a bit jealous against me and not because of my ‘exotic’ beauty or anything petty like that. She hates she didn’t have it in herself to defy our parents’ and live her life the way she wanted to.”
Colin scooted closer in the bed though he lay on his side. “What do you mean?”
“Caitlyn was accepted at Stanford University but what she didn’t tell our parents was she’d also applied to Cambridge too. They took one look at her transcripts, all the volunteer work she did and it certainly didn’t hurt she was a British citizen and they accepted her immediately. I remember the look on her face when she received the paperwork.”
My smile disappeared. “She never showed it to our parents because she didn’t want to give them the chance to say no. Jeanette hates England. Granted it’s the country of her birth…along with Wales and Scotland…but she would never want Cait to go. She would have said no on principle alone. No way was England claiming her only daughter. Jeanette was afraid maybe she might like it there and not come back.”
He touched my cheek and caressed it with his left hand. “Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are and I can be such a f*cking dick. I know you have experiences with sibling rivalry too but at least yours was healthy. You see, I was the favorite—between both our parents’—and Liam thought he had to work twice as hard to impress them. That is why he’s so driven and I don’t blame him but I know I can’t be like him and if I am perfectly honest with myself, I don’t want to be.”
I slipped Colin’s hand between my own hands and closed them over his. “Then you don’t have to be and starting your own business is not going to make you in competition with your brother. Think about it as a way to start your life. You are turning over a new leaf. You are declaring this is your life and you will live it however you want to. At least try…can you promise me that?”
Our bodies touched lightly before I felt his warm thigh ride between my own. “Promise me something: if I do this, will you at least give me a chance?”
I smiled again. “What do you mean?”
“Well, in case it’s escaped you, I haven’t brought another chick here since you’ve been staying at my place and I’m not bragging but I do possess a rather high sex drive. To be honest, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else except you. I know that sounds cheesy because we haven’t even known one another for a week but…there’s just something about you. And no, it’s not your vulnerability—it’s your strength.
“Around you, I feel like a better human being and you make me want to strive for better. I seriously have f*cked off this restaurant idea so many times but only when you suggested it did I give it real serious thought. I want you in the worse way and surely you want me to.”
It happened before I could stop it but his lips found mine and I allowed the kiss, so sweet and tender to turn more torrid and explicit. His tongue touched mine and it felt like a thunderstorm raged in my stomach.
I pulled back abruptly. “I won’t say no but you have to know I don’t do one night stands and I sure as hell don’t do insta-love. I am not going to be exclaiming I love you by next week because I know I don’t. Relationships are like plants. They need room and sustenance to grow and expand. If you’re willing to put in the work then we can talk about taking this to the next level.”
Colin lay on his back and placed his arms behind his head for leverage. “Can you blame me? Women don’t quite seem to know what they want nowadays and I would desperately like to save you from the clutches of my brother. He may not be relationship material but that’s not to say he might not try to take you for a test drive.”