A Beautiful Forever(36)

“So you’re still not going back with him?” she asks calmly. Aggravation flares inside me, she’s not answering my question.

“Naomi! Where is he?” I hiss, I can’t see him around her, and I’m starting to panic that I’m too late.

“He’s already gone through,” she tells me quietly. I can’t get to him now without my ticket and passport, and I didn’t bring them with me. I knew that if I had them when I saw him, I’d get on that plane and never look back.

“No! no, no, no!” I call out, my hands in my hair, clutching at my now throbbing head. I pull my phone out of my pocket and start to call him, maybe he can come back out?

“His phone is broken, he ah, smashed it when you wouldn’t answer,” she says.

It’s then that a sickness I’ve been fighting all day rises up from inside me and spews out of my mouth.

“Paige!” I hear Naomi’s hysterical plea as my knees buckle, and I slide into blackness.





Chapter 28


Elliot


I can’t sleep, not even for a second, on the plane. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. So I spend a full day flying and staring at the vacant seat beside me hoping that she’ll somehow materialise next to me.

Life is so shit sometimes. Being trapped on a plane with nothing but your thoughts for company causes you to run through every emotion possible. At first, I was upset that she wasn’t with me, then I was angry that she didn’t trust me to understand, then I tried to put myself in her life, so I could understand why she’d think that way.

One thing was very clear to me when I got off that plane – I need to go back. I don’t care what Paige did in her past, I only care about what she does in her future, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that future is with me.

My mother is waiting for me when I exit the terminal. I attempt to look happy as she’s smiling and waving at me excitedly. I can see her looking around me because she’s expecting to see Paige with me.

As I get closer, I see the realisation dawn on her face, I shake my head. “She’s not here,” I say flatly.

She immediately pulls me to her, hugging me tightly. “Welcome home, sweetheart,” she says before she holds me at arm’s length and looks into my face, searching my expression. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Shaking my head, I let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m so angry right now mum, but I need to go back; I need to go back now.”

My mother sighs as she reaches up and cups my face in her hands. “You can’t go back now. You'd never get through customs - they’d send you straight back home. But we’ll get you back as soon as we can.”

I’m aware that I can’t go straight back as a tourist after working there for three months, they’d suspect me of trying to work without a visa and refuse me entry. I feel so powerless right now. I wish it was as easy jumping on a plane and going back to her, but it’s not. I’m going to have to apply again. I'm going to have to do this right or risk never being able to return.

Trying to keep my breathing steady I hug my mother and draw as much comfort from her as I can. It doesn’t matter how old you get. A hug from your mother always helps.

She drives me back to my place and walks me inside, trying to make some small talk about things that have happened while I’ve been gone.

I know I’m not answering her properly, but I can’t right now. I feel so helpless in my own destiny at the moment, the woman I love is on the other side of the world and there’s nothing I can do but wait.

I collapse in exhaustion on my couch as my mother brings me a cup of coffee and some cake she’s brought around.

“I put some meals in the fridge for you, just to try and help you get through the jetlag so you don’t have to worry about cooking or shopping,” she tells me.

I reach over to her and give her arm a gentle squeeze as thanks as I stare out the window.

“Elliot…what happened?”

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a breath before I answer. “She left me.”

“Do you want to tell me why, did something happen?”

Sitting up I place my mug on the coffee table in front of me. “Nothing happened mum. She's just had a really shitty life and has got it in her head that no one could love her once they know her whole story.”

My mother regards me quietly, taking a sip of her tea before speaking, “But you obviously do.”

“Yes mum, I do. I know everything, and I don’t care. I love her so much it hurts me; it hurts so much.”

She comes over and sits behind me, taking my hand in hers. “You do what you need to do Elliot. I’ll do whatever I can to help you get back to her.”

I nod my head and stare at her hand on mine. Everything just hurts so much right now, like there’s this hollow pit inside of me that is tearing at my soul. It’s horrible.

“I’m worried about you Elliot, perhaps I should stay – I’ll give Steve a ring and let him know I won’t be home,” mum says as she searches through her bag for her phone.

“No mum, I’m fine – I just need to sleep. You can go. Tell Steve I said ‘hi', and I’ll call you tomorrow ok?”

Looking at me with worried eyes, my mother withdraws her hand from her back, letting out a heavy sigh. “Alright sweetheart, but if you haven’t called me by midday, I’ll come hunting for you,” she threatens half-heartedly.

I thank her for everything and kiss her good-bye before I go and collapse onto the couch, my feet hanging over the end. I can’t even be bothered making it to the bedroom.

Despite my exhaustion, I lie there for almost an hour, unable to sleep. Grabbing my keys, I get into my car and head to the bottle shop where I pick up some wild turkey, take it home and drink it straight from the bottle. What the f*ck to I care about a glass right now?

I obviously have a need to punish myself because I pull my damaged phone out of my bag and plug it into my laptop, downloading all the data off it. I spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch, getting thoroughly smashed, as I flick through the images of Paige and me in London. When I land on the one of her in the hotel room, when she let me take a picture of her back, I stare at it for a long time. It’s the last one I took when everything between us was perfect. I f*cking knew something was up all week; I should have pushed her to talk to me – we could have sorted this out.

I pull my sim card out of the broken phone and put it inside an old one, scrolling through the contacts until I come to her number. Everyone knows you shouldn’t drunk dial, but when you’re drunk, you really don’t give a shit about stuff like that. I reach for my landline phone and dial. It takes a little while to connect but when her voice fills my ears, I can hardly speak.





Paige


My phone flashes the word ‘international’ as it rings causing my heart to lodge itself firmly in my chest. I grab for it, needing to talk to him one last time – who else could it possibly be? “Hello?” I say down the line, “Elliot? Is that you?”

“It’s me,” he says back, his voice sounds strange; it's slurred.

“Have you been drinking?”

He sighs, “What does it matter Paige?”

He’s right. I feel instantly bad for questioning him. “I’m sorry Elliot. I'm so so sorry, are you ok?”

“How could I possibly be ok Paige?”

Tears sting my eyes as I start to cry, it feels like his pain is pouring into me over the telephone. “I’m sorry,” is all I can say.

“Just tell me you love me Paige. I just want to hear you say it.”

“I love you Elliot,” I force out through my tears. “With every fibre of my being, I love you.”

I hear him sigh. I can hear breathing that is thick with emotion. My chest hurts; it's so painful being connected to him when he’s so far away.

“I’m coming back for you Paige.”

“Don’t Elliot, please don’t - this can’t work.”

“Fuck you Paige, you don’t get to decide this. I’m coming back – deal with it.”

My mouth drops open in surprise as the line disconnects, and I burst into tears all over again. He can’t come back. He's not supposed to. Our relationship was supposed to be a beautiful moment in time, it’s not supposed to be forever – people like me don’t get a forever. I spent my past prostituting myself for accommodation, for food, for alcohol and for drugs and that lifestyle cost a baby girl her life – people like me don’t get happy endings, I shouldn’t even have a life at all.





Elliot


A loud banging on my front door wakes me from my alcohol-induced sleep. I sit up slowly and eye the almost empty bottle sitting open on the coffee table, screwing the lid back on and pushing it away.