A Beautiful Forever(32)

No more than twenty minutes later there is a knock on the door and a tray is brought in sporting coffee, orange juice, warm croissants, scrambled eggs, bacon and a selection of fruits. It smells devine, and my stomach grumbles loudly in reaction.

“Hungry?” Elliot asks grinning as he thanks the staff member and turns the lock on the door.

“Famished!” I say, sitting down at the small table and pouring us both a coffee from the pewter pot. I feel a little goofy with the grin that’s plastered across my face, but we can’t stop smiling and touching each other while we eat, you’d think we were school kids!

Elliot has become snap happy and keeps taking photos of me with food in my mouth. I'm laughing because my face looks funny when I’m chewing, but then he just takes a photo of me laughing with food showing in my mouth, and that makes me laugh more because it’s gross.

“Delete it!” I say to him, grabbing for his phone.

“No, it’s mine,” he teases as he holds his phone away from me. He looks at me, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You know; I don’t think it’s fair that you have a topless photo of me, but I don’t have one of you.”

I shake my head laughing. I'm not about to let him take a photo of me topless. “No way mister. You’re not getting a titty shot of me.”

“Not of your breasts Paige, of your back.”

I take a deep breath to steady the sudden nerves I feel at him mentioning it. I have become used to him tracing the Phoenix's wings, tail and claws when we’re in bed together, showing it around him doesn’t seem so scary anymore. But he still doesn’t understand the true meaning behind it. I'm not sure how I feel about doing this.

“You don’t have to if you really don’t want to, I just think you’re so beautiful and your tattoo is breathtaking, I want to be able to still look at it while we aren’t together.”

I sit and stare for a moment, studying his hopeful face. “Alright,” I concede.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” I stand up and move over to the bed before I can change my mind. Undoing my robe so it falls to my waist as I sit with my back to him. I twist my hair and hold it up on top of my head with one arm and look over my shoulder at him to check if he's ready.

It’s then that he takes the photo. He smiles fondly at it as he brings it over to me to look at. It almost looks like a professional photo; the lighting is perfect, and my face has a mixture of trepidation and adoration on it.

“Beautiful,” he breaths, looking at it and kissing my neck.

He sighs heavily as he puts his phone to the side and meets my eyes, I can tell he wants to say something, but he’s warring with himself before he begins.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I just… I just want you to know that I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. I want you to know that I – ”

“Don’t Elliot,” I say quickly, cutting him off. “Don’t say anything to make this harder. I’m staying and you’re going. Please don’t try and change that.”

“It doesn’t have to end when I go Paige, you could come with me – or I could come back – or you could come with me and then we both come back,” he argues regardless. “Don’t end this Paige, you know how I feel about you, even if you don’t want to hear it, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way about me. We can do this Paige; we can do this anywhere you want, any country you want. I just want you.”

Tears are threatening to spill from my eyes as I pull my robe back over my shoulders and close it tightly around me. “Elliot, you can do so much better than me. Why are you pushing this?”

“Because I love you dammit!” he yells suddenly, his outburst scaring the shit out of me as he jumps off the bed and starts to pace the room. I sit there, trying not to cry as I watch him work through his emotions. When he stops and looks at me his eyes are shining as well. “Why won’t you tell me what makes you so sad? Why don’t you trust me enough to love you no matter what you may have done?”

“Because you wouldn’t Elliot, you couldn’t love me if I told you everything about me,” I say, tears flowing freely now as I stand up and try to move towards him.

“Why won’t you just tell me Paige!” he yells, exasperation written all over his face as his eyes plead with me. “Let me make my own f*cking choices!”

I place my now shaking hands on his chest and look into his eyes imploring him to stop, “Please Elliot, can you just accept that the time we have left is it? I can’t go back with you. I need to stay here and finally deal with my mother, and you need to go back to your life.”

“Paige – you are my life, can’t you understand that? I don’t want to go back without you.”

He circles his arms around me and kisses me as the tears continue to flow from my eyes, pressing his forehead against mine he breathes in deeply and speaks in a strained voice, “Come back with me Paige.”

I step back from him, our eyes locked as he waits for me to answer, his eyes widen as the realisation hits him that I’m not going to answer him. Pressing his palms to his eyes before he rakes his hands through his hair, he blows out a charged breath and steps back from me.

Moving quickly, he pulls on a pair of pants, dropping his robe on the floor where he stands, and picks up his shirt and shoes, then looks at me, pain behind his eyes as he shakes his head, frowning. Making his way to the door, he pauses momentarily before walking out, closing it quietly behind him.

For some reason, I feel worse than if he had slammed it, at least I’d know he was angry and going off to calm down. Right now, I don’t know what he is and not knowing scares me even more.

A sudden panic overwhelms me, and I drop myself to the floor, crying into my hands. Oh god, I thought I could handle this. I thought I could cope with him leaving, but I’m falling apart and all he’s done is walked out the door.

My emotions start to churn in my stomach as I think about the strain our separation is going to cause over the next five days, I don’t want to spend them fighting, but I know I can’t go with him. It wouldn’t be right.

The acid in my stomach rises as the image of him boarding a plane and leaving me hits home, running to the bathroom; I heave over the toilet until the entire contents of my stomach is gone, and I’m left with nothing but my tears as I cry into the bowl, wishing I’d never started this.





Elliot


Dropping my shoes on the floor, I stuff my feet into them as I pull my shirt over my head, I can’t go far because I’ve left my wallet, phone and the car keys in the room with Paige. I just need to get out of there before I start begging her and make a total fool of myself.

A cold blast of air hits me when I step outside, but I couldn’t care less; I need some fresh air and a chance to calm down. I walk through the gardens until walking isn’t good enough anymore, and I break into a run. When I reach the edge of the garden, I keep going, pushing myself harder and faster until my legs burn, and my chest hurts from sucking in the chill air. I drop on the ground and stare up at the bright blue sky, watching as cumulus clouds float slowly across its expanse, mocking me with their perfection as my insides rage on in turmoil.

I have five days to go; that's it. I don’t want to spend them fighting. I simply wish that she’d come with me. I don’t want to leave her behind.





Paige


I took a shower to try to calm down, and now I’m attacking my hair with a comb to try to detangle my curls. I forgot to pack conditioner, but it serves me right for letting Elliot love me. A head full of knots is the least that I deserve.

When the handle of the door turns, my breath catches at the sight of him, he looks distraught, and I feel terrible that I’m the one causing his beautiful heart so much pain. I stand, watching him carefully as he walks towards me with grace and speed, his arms reach out, and he pulls me towards him, our mouths crashing together in desperate need.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, holding me to him. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I shouldn’t have yelled.” He kisses me again, more softly this time and presses our foreheads together. “Forgive me Paige, I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t let this end.”

I close my eyes tightly as a single tear leaves my right eye and slides down my cheek, Elliot holds my face and kisses it away, capturing my mouth and sliding his hands under my shirt and over my bare skin. I’m overwhelmed by my need for him, the fear I experienced from him leaving earlier heightening my already intense emotions. That’s when I lose my rational mind, that’s when I do something unforgivable.

“I’ll come back with you,” I whisper to him, even though I know, deep down, that I’m not going to.





Elliot