Weekend Surrender (The Surrender Trilogy, #1)(47)

When she eased back onto her heels, feeling weak and trembly, Parker let go of her hair to get a glass of water and a washcloth. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she sat on their bathroom floor feeling overwhelmed. How could she possibly explain to them that she needed more time to make decisions?

Hudson and Rogan were both happy about the news and wanted to marry her, but what did she actually feel? Sure, she was excited at the prospect of holding her and their child in her arms. But was she ready to commit to living and raising a child with them? Sawyer even seemed over the moon about it and it wasn’t even his child. Weren’t they even a little afraid, or disappointed that it happened this way? Maybe even angry that things weren’t resolved first?

“It will all work out you know.”

Parker. Her port in the storm. She could look to him to hold it together, and yet, when she looked up into his eyes all she saw was quiet ambivalence. Did he really feel the same way his brothers did, or did he think she got pregnant on purpose?

“Of course it will. Perhaps not like they hope, but it will all work out.” She tried to sound confident, but her insides were still squirming and she knew if she tried to stand up right now her legs wouldn’t hold her.

“How do you hope it will work out, Rachel? When you came here today, what was it you wanted from us?” Parker asked. He didn’t move a muscle. He just sat there, staring at her in that deeply penetrating way that made her feel naked and vulnerable.

Rachel clenched her eyes shut, but tears stilled slipped from under her eyelids. What did she want exactly?

“I suppose I wanted acceptance, joy, support, I don’t know,” she whispered the words because they scared her.

Parker gave a small nod, and then sighed heavily. “Rachel, the day you left…we…well…let’s just say it was rough. I apologize for pushing you so hard that morning, but I thought if we showed you how it could be with us…ah well hindsight is 20/20 right? I want to understand, Rachel, and I truly want to be happy for you and Rogan…or Hudson, but I have to know how you feel about this. Did you come back here to build a relationship, or just to pass along the news?”

“I just don’t want to get hurt.”

Parker’s jaw ticked, and his nostrils flared, “Why are you so sure any of the four of us would hurt you?”

Shame flooded through her, but she didn’t respond. What was she supposed to say? All men hurt their women at some point, so I may as well avoid men altogether. This whole situation was blowing up in her face because of her own issues, and she wasn’t sure how to handle it from here on out.

“Can I have a minute to clean up in private.”

For just a moment it looked like Parker was going to refuse, but he vanished out the bathroom door without another word, leaving her crying on the bathroom floor at her own selfish nature and ridiculous fears.

****

Nearly ten minutes passed before Rachel emerged from the bathroom with tear stained cheeks, and dull saddened eyes. Hudson held his hand out to her, but she pretended not to notice it as she took a seat in one of the single chairs, keeping some space between her and the four of them. It hurt that she was still scared of them, and Hudson was beginning to think things would never be okay again.

“I just want to say a couple of things,” Rachel’s voice was stronger than her eyes, and Hudson held his breath waiting for her to drop the hammer, “I have deep feelings for you guys, all four of you, but I’m not ready to get married and move in here. And just for the record that was the shittiest proposal I’ve ever heard of. Yes, I’m pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I have to make rash decisions. If you four can forgive me for running away from you, I can promise you that I won’t pull a stunt like that again without talking to you first. I don’t know if this is forever, but…”

Hudson planned on Rachel being his wife, but she was right. She deserved more than an assumed marriage proposal. He wanted to give her wine and candlelight and rose petals when they asked her to marry them, but more importantly, he wanted to see love and not hesitation in her eyes when they did it.

“Forever is what we want with you, Rachel, but if you need a little more time we’ll give it to you,” Sawyer said, and Hudson nodded his agreement along with Parker and Rogan.

For the first time Rachel gave them an honest smile, and relief glowed from her eyes. “Thank you, that’s all I can ask.”

The group came back to life as Rogan grumbled to Parker about their marriage proposal being the shittiest versus practical, and Sawyer went to Rachel, pulling her up into his arms for a hug. His attempts to kiss her were thwarted and she groaned. “Not a chance! I just spent the last few minutes throwing up.”

Sawyer looked disgruntled, and Hudson smacked his arm, “Bro, go get her a toothbrush from the medicine cabinet. She will kiss you when she’s clean.”

Rachel giggled as Sawyer headed off in search of the requested toothbrush, and Hudson took her hand. “Are you having a lot of morning sickness, honey?”

“Some, but it’s not always in the mornings. I seem to get sick to my stomach every time I get emotional, and every time I smell eggs,” she answered, letting him pull her against his chest. He buried his nose into her hair, deeply inhaling the sweet scent that was all her own, and sighed with pleasure when she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back.