Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(28)

“Well, you have a bloody funny way of showing it!”

“I f*cked up. I lost my shit. But I’m here now to fix this.”

“Lost your shit? It took this long for you to recover from your childish tantrum and come and look for us?”

“You could’ve come back!”

“What? You took my keys, Craig! You told me to f-uck off, that you were done.” I stand. “No, I won’t come back.”

He leans back in his seat, legs outstretched. “Well, you can’t stay here forever, where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know. I’ll find somewhere.”

“I’m not having my daughter living in some dodgy area with single mothers and drug dealers!”

“You created this!”

“No, you did the day you got pregnant and asked me to help! I gave up everything for you and Ella!”

“And I didn’t? You are so f-ucking selfish!” I yell.

The kitchen door opens and Louise hovers in the doorway. “Sorry guys, Ella’s listening and she’s getting upset. Can you keep it down?”

I clench my teeth and close my eyes. “Sorry. I’ll come now. Craig’s leaving.”

“I’m not leaving without Ella. You stay here if you want but she’s coming with me.”

“She is not!” I shout. “We’re staying here!”

Louise holds a palm out to me. “Cerys. Shush.”

Then I see her, Ella in the doorway next to Louise clutching her rag of blanket. Her eyes break my heart, the expression I’ve seen every day since we got here. Almost every day, on the days Liam paid her attention the pale, lost look was replaced with a smiling child. The tears aren’t far, for me and her.

She steps into the room and says in a small voice. “I want to go with Daddy.”

I am a hairs breadth away from smacking Craig’s smug look across his face. Louise’s furious expression meets mine and she tips her head, indicating I should talk to her. “Wait there,” I say to Craig.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he replies and lifts Ella onto his lap.

How? How can Ella forgive and forget so easily and snuggle up to him? Fighting frustrated tears, I walk into the hallway to Lou.

“Why did you let him in?” I hiss.

“You’re not seriously going to go with him?” she hisses back.

The weight of the last two weeks falls on me, dragging me down. Craig is right. What choice do I have? Stay here and impose on the kindness of Linda and Jim, and stop Ella spending her Christmas with her Dad? Or go with him, give Ella her Christmas and take things from there?

“For Christmas, Lou. Then I’ll decide what to do.”

“Cerys! You’re a f-ucking idiot! Don’t do this! You can’t go back to a man who treated you like shit.”

“You don’t understand; he’s done me a favour.”

In the midst of all the crap, there’s been a glimmer of something else. I could cope if I needed to. Inadvertently, Craig’s put me in a position to see other possibilities. Another man showed me I was strong, told me I was amazing, and kissed me in a way that proved he truly believed his words. Liam showed me I’m worth more than a life with Craig. I’m not stupid, I know I could never have a relationship with Liam Oliver; but I do know I can find myself, and then find someone worth me.

The problem is I want this man to be Liam because over the last few days he’s imprinted himself on my heart and soul.

CHAPTER 13



LIAM



The house is eerily quiet when I let myself in; I expected the TV, or Ella, on high volume. I take a quick scout around the place and nobody’s here. It’s Christmas Eve, where is everyone?

Louise is likely to be taking part in the Christmas Eve tradition of drinking from lunchtime until falling-over-time; and if previous Christmases are anything to go by, Dad will have been dragged out last minute shopping by Mum.

Will I ever get a warm welcome walking through this door from anyone apart from the dog charging round the house in excitement? I head upstairs with my rucksack, back to the tiny room with the single bed. A world apart from Dylan’s. Yeah, I could’ve spent the few days back at my place in London, or come back earlier but the band sticking together until the press attention lessened made more sense.

I spoke to Honey once a couple of days ago, when I answered my phone without checking who was calling. The call ended with tears and her apparent undying love for me. After several days around Dylan and Sky, seeing what a genuine connection between two people looks like, I had nothing for her. Yeah, I can’t run forever, me and Honey need to talk; but the fact Cerys has been on my mind and in my dreams since I left tells me until she’s out of there, there’s no room for Honey.

I missed Cerys. Bloody weird, but I did. I asked Louise for her number the other day but got a lecture about how I should leave her alone. That pissed me off; but I figured I’d see Cerys again when I got back to Wales, and next time I leave I’ll take her number with me.

My real bedroom door is open, and I pause on the top step. Last time I was in there, the floor was covered in toys, books, and clothes. The brown carpet is clear. I push open the door. The open curtains allow the winter sun to shine into the clean and tidy room. Even my guitars have been rearranged where they were when I left years ago. This is my bedroom again.