Underneath the Sycamore Tree(71)

“No, you don’t.”

“Kaid—”

“Trust me,” he says quietly, letting go of me when he sees I’ll listen.

Sighing, I find Grandma watching us with interest. Ignoring whatever she must be thinking, I walk over and give her a hug. “I’m glad you’re here. I think I’m going upstairs for the night though. Maybe watch a movie with Kaiden or something.”

One of her white brows rises. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

My whole face heats as Kaiden chuckles from behind us. “It’s not like that.”

Grandma rolls her eyes and swats my butt as I turn around. “I’m old, not naive, Emmy. I personally don’t see a problem with it. I’m sure I’ve done far worse in my youth, and he’s a looker. You could certainly do worse too.”

Groaning, I make my way to the stairs with Kaiden following close behind. “I like your grandma.”

I push his arm. “She practically called you hot, so I’m not surprised.” When we’re closed in my room, I sit cross legged on the bed and toy with my shirt sleeve. “Why wouldn’t you let me talk to them? That seemed like a vital time to announce I heard everything.”

He sighs and sits down next to me, flicking a piece of hair on my shoulder. “Your dad said he was going to tell you, so let him come to you.”

“But tell me what?”

He grins. “It’s the curiosity that you hate, isn’t it?”

Staring at the wrinkles of the comforter, I shrug loosely. “When you live every day not knowing what’s going to happen, how you’re going to feel, you crave answers. If I knew for a fact I’d wake up tomorrow pain free with tons of energy, I’d do things I can’t when I’m too tired to lift the blankets off my body or walk from the bed to the bathroom. I’d get my nails done because it wouldn’t hurt for the technician to touch my fingers or bend my hand the way she’d need to. I’d dye my hair a stupid color that I’d probably regret because it wouldn’t fall out or burn from the sensitivity.

“It kills me not to be a normal eighteen year old. I should be graduating like you are, but I was held back for missing too much school. I should start considering college, but I have no idea if…” I take a deep breath. “Who knows if college is in my future, you know? Going to class now is hard. Finding the energy for college classes, which is way more work, would probably be too difficult.”

His jaw ticks. “You don’t know that for sure. If there’s anyone who should go to college, it’s you. You love school for whatever reason, so start researching ones you’d love to check out. I don’t want to hear any of that other bullshit.”

Drawing my knees to my chest, I shake my head and meet his stern eyes. “I love that you think it’s that simple, Kaiden. It’s not though. And why are you going to Colgate instead of one of the others that made offers to you. I’m sure it’s not too late to change your mind. If they want you for their team, they’d probably make an exception if early admission is closed.”

“We’re not talking about—”

“Yes, we are,” I cut him off, reaching for his hand. He doesn’t move away like I expect him to, but weaves our fingers together instead like it’s his default mode. “I know you do just fine at school, but sports have always meant more than academics. You love lacrosse and I hear you’re amazing at it. At least that’s what the entire school seems to think.”

A grin appears on his face, washing away the seriousness from a moment ago. “And the three trophies with our school name on them don’t hurt.”

I smile at him. “Does Colgate have a better team than the other ones?”

He hesitates. “No.”

“So why choose them?”

His shoulders draw back. “Mouse—”

“If I had the chance, I’d move,” I admit, squeezing his hand. “I would see the world. I’ve always wanted to move to Virginia, did you know that? Sometimes I even go to the University of Virginia’s website and look at their campus pictures and study the program listings. I’ll pretend I’m one of the students posing while the camera snaps pictures of the quad or library. You know I’d spend a lot of time there, reading, studying, you name it.”

“Then go to Virginia.”

“And what about you?” I prod.

He doesn’t answer.

Letting go of his hand, I give him my best serious face. “Kaiden, not all of us are so lucky in life. We have to accept what we’re given. At best, I could attend school online. There’s less stress about missing class and failing because of poor attendance or not getting the notes from lectures. I wouldn’t have to worry about walking across the huge campus on days where it hurts to stand, or get trapped in a dorm with someone who doesn’t understand that I’m sick and need lots of sleep. I know what’s best for me. What will work. You need to figure out what that is for you.”

His lips part, and then close.

I brush his arm with my hand. “If you could go anywhere without anything holding you back, where would it be?”

The hopeless romantic in me wants him to say, wherever you are, but the truth is that he may not be able to go where I end up.