Underneath the Sycamore Tree(75)

I smile and ease into my seat. “Not to get mushy or whatever, but you’re kind of my best friend. Annabel and I talk at school sometimes, but we’ve never exchanged numbers or planned to hangout.”

“So I’m your best friend by default,” he muses, seemingly unfazed.

I reach out and grab his free hand, which rests on the gearshift. “I’ve always considered Lo my best friend. Even all this time because she was willing to love me for who I am.”

He squeezes my hand. “Are you going to make me say it?”

I roll my eyes. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s in the way you accept me despite my problems. Even if you’re annoying about hot English teachers.”

He curses. “You think he’s hot?”

I just grin.

He sighs. “For what it’s worth, you’re my best friend too, Mouse.”

I smile to myself victoriously.

“Still don’t like Nichols though,” he grumbles, before holding my hand in silence all the way home.



The weeks go on without interruption. School, practice, homework, movie nights. I get to witness the first lacrosse game of the season, where Cam does cheer the loudest, and Dad whoops and hollers until I get a headache. Exeter wins the first two games and loses the third one, but that doesn’t deter anyone’s spirit.

On nights when I’m feeling halfway human, I ask Kaiden to show me how to touch him in every way he likes. First with my hands, then my mouth. He always returns the favor with a grin on his face, and looks cocky when I have to cover my face with a pillow as I come.

It’s been over two months since we had sex, and it isn’t like I don’t want to do it again. In fact, not so long ago I thought it’d happen again when I moved wrong over Kaiden and cried out from the pain shooting down my back and hips. He’d grabbed me some pain relievers and covered us both before falling asleep.

On Valentine’s Day, I find chocolate and a card in my locker. The chocolate is some fancy brand I’ve never heard of, and the card has a mouse on it holding a ribbon-wrapped wedge of cheese in its hands. I keep it on my nightstand at home, smiling every time I pass it.

Not long after Valentine’s Day, I woke up to more hair on my pillow. Kaiden didn’t freak out like Mama did, which made me feel a little better. He could tell I wasn’t all right though, because he kissed my cheek and told me it wasn’t a big deal. It was.

I cried while he held me, and I told him about how much I loved my hair. My hair is my femininity. It’s what makes me feel pretty. Every flare I lost more and more until it got shorter each time.

The day following my meltdown in Kaiden’s arms, he drove me to his mother’s salon and the same hairdresser I usually have gave me a short pixie cut from a magazine Kaiden and I looked at for styles. It’s one I could play with and make messy and cute or leave to airdry and have it sleek and sexy. I teared up when I saw the hair on the white tile, but I would have cried harder seeing it on my pillowcase.

I got to choose to let it go, even if the choice was one I was forced to make. Kaiden told me I looked beautiful. Cam hugged me and told me I was stunning. And Dad kissed my cheek and told me I looked just like Mama.

Their support made it easier, even on the days I felt like everyone stared at the way my neck and ears were exposed. No longer could I hide behind my hair like a shield when I was uncomfortable. People could gawk at me and I’d know it—I’d feel their eyes burned on my face. I even considered asking Dad if I could get my ears pierced just to feel more girly, as if everyone stared like I was less so without long locks.

Kaiden told me I was stupid.

Then told me I was beautiful again.

Fuck them, Mouse. They don’t matter.

I wanted to ask if he did, but I already knew the answer. His opinion mattered more than my own, because I didn’t have to stare at myself like he did. He thought I was pretty even without my long hair or pierced ears or lack of makeup. I wasn’t the kind of feminine most people considered, but it didn’t change his mind about wanting to spend time with me or kiss me or watch movies with me.

Dad and I spend more time together than we used to. When he watches TV after dinner, I’ll sit with him and comment on the show he watches, usually sports or news related. Sometimes he’ll let me choose, and it makes me giggle when he pretends to get into the reality show I pick. When Kaiden and Cam join us, the guys pick on one of the girls while Cam and I defend them, even if we sort of agree with the ridiculous behavior the guys point out.

Exeter has become the home I didn’t know I lacked. Family dinner is always filled with easy conversation and funny banter, game days are full of team spirit, and with every passing week I start feeling like I’m part of something more than a fractured family.

After English class, I’m halfway to my locker when I hear giggling from behind me. I feel a familiar tingle of unwanted attention on my back, so I casually look over my shoulder as I put my books away and grab my coat.

Rachel and some girls I see her hanging around with all the time are staring at me. One of them flips their hair when she catches my eyes, and Rachel grins like the Cheshire cat. It makes me nervous when she tells them something before walking over to me.

Closing my locker, I turn to face her.

She gives me a once over. “It looks like being in a relationship is really becoming of you, Em. They say being in love adds at least twenty pounds.”