Underneath the Sycamore Tree(70)

She’s speechless.

“He’s my friend,” I continue quietly, making sure she meets my eye. “He’s my only friend since Logan died. When things get tough here because Dad doesn’t get it or kids at school irritate me, he’s there. Not you. You were the reason I even came here, and I’m not blaming you for it. We both needed this, Mama. You needed time before you could ask for it, and I needed space before I could admit it.”

Mama and I were bad for each other.

But we could get better.

“You brought me to Dad. To Kaiden.”

Her eyes don’t glisten, but her lips falter like she wants to frown. I won’t let her though, because I’m not sad. She shouldn’t be either.

“I’m happy, Mama.”

I mean it.

I hold her hand again. “Being here makes me happy. Now it’s time for you to be happy too.”

That makes her smile. “I’m trying, Sunshine.”

For once, I believe her.





Chapter Thirty-Six





Dad tears up when he opens his gift. He stares at it for so long, I start to worry that I should have chosen something else. Maybe not even given him anything at all.

Then he hugs me. A big bear hug like I remember from when I was little. He’d wrap both me and Lo in his arms and squeeze until we giggled and latched onto him too.

I start tearing up too, which makes Cam get emotional. Mama and Grandma sit on the couch watching, Grandma smiling and Mama doing the exact opposite. Her lips are twitching downward until she’s frowning, and Kaiden notices too.

Focusing back on Dad, I brush the frame in his hands. “It’s my favorite pair you ever gave me. I thought…”

I shrug, not knowing what I thought.

Dad’s throat bobs as he brushes my face with his thumb. “I love you, baby girl. Always have and always will.”

So why didn’t you try harder? I want to ask. Only, I don’t because I remind myself that we’re trying to move forward not back.

Mama’s frown deepens when I return to the spot between her and Grandma. Thankfully, the gift exchange is over and we’re all full from dinner, which means Dad will take them back to their hotel soon.

Mama was relatively quiet at dinner. She asked me how school was, and I told her okay. Cam mentioned Book Club, so I explained how it ended, and Dad brought up my report card because I made the principal’s list with all A’s.

Nobody was surprised.

When Mama asked Kaiden about school, there was motive weaved into her words. I studied her as he replied something generic, while Cam intervened and told Mama that Kaiden is graduating in June. That’s when she asked him about college.

Honestly, I never thought about Kaiden going away. Not once has he brought up attending college anywhere. I’m not even sure if he applied … until Cam started talking about his early acceptance to Colgate University to play lacrosse. Apparently a bunch of scouts were at his games last year and he got offers all over.

Massachusetts.

Philadelphia.

Maryland.

Of course Mama would ask why he chose a college in New York when he could have traveled, but Kaiden never offered an explanation. She can assume whatever she wants, but he would have had to accept one shortly after I moved here and we barely talked at that point. His family is here—his past. Not all of us want to escape it.

Now Mama watches everyone like she’s putting something together in her head. I’ve stopped wanting to figure out what because it only hurts me more to guess. Grandma always changes conversation to something lighter if the topic gets too difficult or the silence grows too thick. She’s always been good at that.

Shortly after presents, Grandma gathers their things to get ready for Dad to take them back to their hotel. When I go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and take my medicine, Mama and Dad are by the back counter with their backs to me.

“…doesn’t need to know that.”

“How long, Joanne?” Dad whispers harshly, crossing his arms. His back and shoulders are tense as he stares at her.

I stay hidden behind the wall, biting my lip as I study Mama from around the doorway. Her head is down, her hands resting on the edge of the counter like she’s a child being scolded. “I was angry, Henry. You can’t blame me after what you said.”

Dad throws his hands up. “She’s still my daughter, for Christ’s sake. Did you ever tell her about the terms you made me agree to?”

I swallow. What is he talking about?

“No.”

“No,” he repeats blandly. “She’s hated me for years. I’m not an idiot. If she knew the damn truth, maybe things would be different now between us.”

A hand curls around my arm, startling me. I look over my shoulder to see Kaiden, whose finger is pressed against his lips like he’s shushing me. Settling into his body, I peak back over at my parents.

“One of us is telling her, Joanne. I don’t give a shit which one it is, but she needs to know that I never intentionally avoided her.”

Drawing back in surprise, Kaiden wraps an arm around my waist. When I gather my bearings, I try escaping his grasp to confront them. Kaiden tightens his grip and backs us up despite my silent protests.

When we get to the living room, I turn around and glare at him. “Seriously? I need to talk to them.”