Underneath the Sycamore Tree(68)
Kaiden knows I’m upset over Book Club ending, but he can see the paleness to the skin and the bags weighing under my eyes. He says it’s probably better if I get home sooner to rest.
More time to play later, he adds. He jokes around about it, but I think there’s underlying worry that he hides with humor.
It’s only been a couple weeks since we first had sex, and since, I’ve been too nervous of the pain to do it again. Sometimes we make out until we fall asleep, and other times we’ll explore each other’s bodies until he senses my hesitation to go farther.
He never pushes.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, which Kaiden seems to dread. He told me that Cam gets everyone up early to have cinnamon rolls and open one present of our choosing.
“Mama used to ask us what we wanted for Christmas Eve,” I tell him when he asks if our family had any traditions. “Usually we could choose something small, like pajamas or books. Sometimes they’d let us have our stockings too, because they were full of candy and little trinkets.”
The last Christmas holiday we spent together as a whole family, Dad had given me both the gifts I wanted even though we were only supposed to get one. I still have the Harry Potter series on its own little shelf, along with a few action figures, wands, and collectables that Dad gifted me throughout the years since. He’d also gifted me Hufflepuff pajamas that I still have tucked away in my dresser even though they don’t fit. I wanted to throw them out when he left, but I couldn’t do it.
I smile. “Lo got mad when Dad gave me more presents than her one year. She kept telling him she didn’t want anything, and then threw a fit when I opened my presents. Mama was upset at Dad the rest of the night, but I don’t think he minded because I practically fell running up the stairs to change into my new pjs.”
Logan had gotten Cinderella pajamas because she would watch that movie nonstop and talk about finding her own Prince Charming. Mama would tease Dad about how hard it’d be to see their little girls date because there was no doubt Lo would be a handful.
Smile slipping, I lick my bottom lip and glance over at him from the movie. “Anyway, our traditions would usually start on the night of Christmas Eve. After dinner, we’d open our one present and then snack on cookies while waiting for Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas to come on. Our parents would always make us go to bed after that because Santa would be on his way.”
Rolling my eyes, I let out a tiny laugh. “I think Lo tried telling me once that Santa didn’t exist. She’d been snooping through Mama’s closet and found wrapped presents that had Santa’s name on it.”
He looks amused. “You didn’t believe her? Did she show you the presents?”
I shake my head. “I think once she realized I still believed in the creepy guy, she didn’t want to ruin it. Plus, I’m pretty sure Mama moved the presents once she realized Lo had been looking around.”
The arm he has around me tightens for a moment before loosening. “Your sister loved you, huh?”
I rest my cheek on his chest. “Of course she did. Lo loved everybody. It didn’t matter what they did to her, she looked past the bad things and saw the good. Like when Dad left. She never stayed angry at him like me.”
“When did she…?”
Biting down on my lip, I close my eyes and let out a heavy breath. “A year after he left, give or take. She never saw the version of Mama I did after he moved out or when she got sicker. I kind of owed it to her to keep her in the dark for as long as I could.”
His thumb brushes against my arm in circular motions. I sink into him and the feeling he creates. “Why?”
I reach up and thread our fingers together, letting a moment pass before I answer him. “She let me believe in Santa. She deserved to believe in Mama for as long as she needed to.”
I just wish she’d got to for a little longer.
My shoulder hurts throughout the next day, making it hard to roll the cookie dough like Cam asks me to do. After waking up draped across Kaiden, my entire side was stiff. He tried helping me up when he noticed I was struggling, but I kept telling him I was fine.
Now he’s side eyeing me from the other end of the island where Cam put him to work placing the cookies on the sheet to cool off. He told me to stay in bed and watch movies, but I could hear Cam frantically rushing around downstairs and wanted to help. Now that I can barely flatten the remaining dough in front of me, it seems like I’m holding them back from finishing.
Dad left to go pick up Mama and Grandma right before we started, saying he’d take them to their hotel before bringing them here to have an early dinner with us. I’ve been nervous about it since I woke up, the worry of how Mama will act plaguing my conscience any time I’m not being distracted by cookies or meal plans or Christmas music.
Kaiden appears next to me, gently nudging me out of the way and taking over. “I can’t keep watching you mess these up,” he comments, shooting me a wink.
Cam gasps. “Kaiden!”
I wave it off. “He’s right. I’m not doing a very good job. Maybe I can help decorate them when they’re ready?”
Cam’s expression brightens. “Of course, sweetie! It’s Kaiden’s favorite part. When he was little—”
Kaiden groans.
“—he would bounce in his seat until we got the frosting ready to color and apply. He’d spend at least ten minutes on each cookie trying to add the right amount of detail and yell at anyone who just slapped the frosting and sprinkles on them.”