The Perfect Child(50)

“Are you excited to be a big sister?” Christopher asked.

She looked at him with confusion, like she wasn’t really sure what he was asking and was trying to figure out the correct response because she loved nothing more than pleasing him. “Yes, I’m excited,” she said, but her voice was flat.



I was determined to get Janie in school before the baby came. We’d given up on school for a while and agreed to give her more adjustment time, but all of that was different now. I wanted to get her settled while I still had the energy to help with the transition. I handled things this time and went with a different approach. I enrolled Janie in a traditional private school, one that was more structured and only a few blocks from the hospital. Part of the admissions process was a half-day visit, and Janie was grinning from ear to ear when I picked her up afterward.

“How’d it go?” I asked, buckling her into her car seat.

“I met a new friend. Her name is Elodie, and she wants to be my friend too. She says I can be the boss of her,” she said. “I like this school.”

She talked about Elodie until she went to bed that night. We didn’t think twice about saying yes when they called to tell us she’d been accepted. Before we’d had to lead her in kicking and screaming, but this time, she went willingly and waved goodbye like she couldn’t wait for me to leave.

For the first two weeks, I obsessively checked my phone, waiting for the call to tell me that she’d acted out in some way, had an accident or bit a kid, but the call never came. She liked her new school and seemed happy there. She came home excited to show Christopher and me the projects she’d made, and it wasn’t long before our refrigerator was cluttered with her artwork. She called Elodie her best friend and said they were a secret team. Her teacher, Mrs. Tinney, raved about how great Janie was. She said she was one of the brightest kids in the class and had had one of the smoothest transitions she’d ever seen. We beamed with pride.

With Janie in preschool four hours every day, I started planning for the baby. Allison and my mom teased me about it mercilessly, sending me funny texts throughout the day about nesting. I didn’t mind. I enjoyed every minute of it. I went through every closet and got rid of anything we hadn’t worn in the last two years. Once I’d gone through all the closets, I tackled the cupboards, throwing out old Tupperware and replacing broken sets of pots and pans. I organized all the towels and washcloths in the linen closet and the hallway. I rented a carpet cleaner from Home Depot and spent two days shampooing all the rugs. Normally, I wasn’t such an obsessive cleaner, but I loved it. I was getting rid of anything old and getting ready for something new.

I cleaned out everything in the office and moved all the furniture to the garage so that we could make the office into the baby’s room. Back when we had thought having a child was a possibility, I had scoured Pinterest boards for baby-room ideas, but I’d deleted all my boards after we’d adopted Janie and had to start from scratch. I spent my evenings sitting next to the fire, scrolling through pictures of baby furniture and accessories. It was hard to believe that in less than two years we’d gone from spending our evenings cuddled up next to each other on the couch with our laptops open, flipping through hundreds of pictures of kids up for adoption, to preparing to welcome our second child into the world.

“We’re going to have two kids. Can you believe it, Christopher? Two kids!”

He got up from the couch, walked over to my chair, and perched on the armrest. He gazed down at me. “I’ve never seen you look happier, and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I love more in this world than seeing you happy.”





THIRTY

CHRISTOPHER BAUER

It was a bad idea to have Janie at the baby shower. I didn’t want to be here either. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t take Janie for the day while they did their thing, but Hannah insisted we come. All the husbands were invited. Baby showers were no longer women-only events, but I wouldn’t mind going back to when they had been.

Usually Hannah turned into a basket case whenever we had a big party or event at the house, but since Lillian and Allison were throwing the shower, she didn’t have to do much except relax and enjoy herself. She sat in the living room with her feet propped up on our embroidered stool while Lillian and Allison bustled around the house taking care of things. Her feet had swollen up as soon as she’d hit the six-month mark. Janie ran room to room trying to get people’s attention.

“Janie, can you go outside and play so Grandma and Aunt Allison can work?” Hannah asked from her position in the living room.

“I wanna help!” She stomped her feet and crossed her arms. I watched from my spot on the couch in the living room to see what Janie would do.

“Sweetie, why don’t you go outside and play with your daddy?” Lillian shot me a pointed look.

I’d tried helping earlier in the day, but I’d gotten pushed out of the way just like Janie. I tucked my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. “Let’s go swing, sweetheart,” I said, getting up and heading toward the back door.

She didn’t move from her spot in the kitchen.

“Janie, we don’t have time for this. Come on. Let’s just go outside and play. We can do whatever you want,” I said.

“I wanna help,” she said. She stuck out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout.