The Dilemma(40)

I was so obsessed, so determined to have all the facts, that I trawled Rob’s Facebook, scrolling down his timeline until I came to the corresponding date. There weren’t many posts, certainly not as many as I’d have expected from someone like Rob in somewhere like Singapore, because he loved to brag. And what he had posted was tellingly vague – no views at all, just a couple of selfies, one sitting in a restaurant in front of a platter of seafood with the caption ‘loving Asia’ and another of him holding a cocktail and the caption ‘unsurprisingly hot in Asia’. But I didn’t know for sure.

I run the comb angrily through my hair, tugging the knots hard, the eternal question trapped in my brain – how could Rob do that to Jess? I’ll never get an answer I can understand. Jess is the kindest, loveliest person I know. She doesn’t deserve to have a cheating, lying husband, especially now, when she’s ill. What I can’t bear is the thought that it’s happened because she’s ill, that Rob no longer loves her because of her illness. Surely it should have brought them closer, made him want to protect her? I know one hundred per cent that if I was ill, Adam would be there for me, just as I would be there for him.

Out of nowhere, a sudden fear takes hold of me. I put down the comb slowly, turning it over in my mind. Is that what’s wrong with Adam, is that why he’s behaving so strangely, because he’s ill? Josh said he was stressed when he got back from town. What if he had a doctor’s appointment that he didn’t tell me about because he didn’t want to worry me? What if he received bad news? Don’t let it be that, please don’t let it be that Adam is ill, I pray. But I can’t think what else it can be.

Grabbing my dressing gown, I shrug it on and run down the stairs, tying the belt as I go. It must be bad if Adam wanted to tell me before the party. Maybe he wants me to cancel it. But he’d only want me to cancel it if it was something really bad.

I can’t see Adam in the garden, even Josh and Max have disappeared, so I head to the work shed. As I squeeze behind the tent, I see Adam through the window, standing at his workbench, his head bent over a piece of dark wood.

‘Hey,’ he says, when I burst through the door. ‘Aren’t you meant to be getting ready?’ He sees my face and freezes. ‘Livia, what is it? What’s the matter?’ The fear on his face mirrors my own. He knows that I know.

I go towards him because he seems unable to move.

‘Adam.’ I take his hands in mine and find them ice-cold. ‘Adam – please, tell me the truth. Are you ill? Is that what you wanted to tell me? That you’re ill?’

The long pause makes my heart race.

‘No.’ He shakes his head, puzzled. ‘No, I’m not ill. Apart from my migraine. I didn’t want to say anything but it’s come back.’

I swallow a shaky breath. ‘You didn’t go and see the doctor today?’

‘The doctor? No, I would have told you if I’d had an appointment.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

I give a half-sob, half-laugh of relief. ‘You don’t have some terrible illness that you’re keeping from me until after the party’s over?’

‘No, Liv, no.’ He pulls me into his arms. ‘I’m sorry you thought that, I’m sorry you were worried.’

‘Promise?’

‘Yes. I’m not ill, I promise.’

‘Then what was it you wanted to tell me? You tried to tell me several times so it must be important. I should have listened.’

His arms tighten around me. ‘I just want you to know how much I love you, how I’ll always be here to look after you, no matter what.’

‘I know you will be.’

‘All I want is for you to be happy.’

There’s a darkness in his eyes that I don’t understand. ‘I am happy,’ I say, kissing him softly, wanting to chase it away. ‘I’m happier than I’ve ever been.’

‘Good. Now, if you don’t go and get ready, you’ll be welcoming your guests in your dressing gown.’ He looks at the old battered clock standing on his workbench. ‘It’s quarter to seven, so you have exactly forty-five minutes.’

‘I’m already gone!’ I call, running from the shed, my feet no longer heavy with dread but light with relief. I could bear anything, anything, except Adam being ill. I think of Jess and I know that’s why I made that jump, because before she told us about her diagnosis, I’d known there was something on her mind. But she waited until we came back from holiday, knowing we’d worry about her as soon as we knew.

I reach the house and slow my pace. Adam is keeping something from me, I know he is. I don’t believe that what he wanted to tell me was that he loves me and will always be here for me, not with the darkness I saw in his eyes. It reminds me of the haunted look I see in my own eyes and suddenly, I’m struck by the possibility that maybe he knows what I know, and has been looking for a way to tell me. But then I realise that it can’t be that, because if he had the slightest inkling that Rob was having an affair with his beloved Marnie, there’s no way that Rob would still be standing.





7 P.M. – 8 P.M.





Adam


I haven’t left my shed since Livia came to find me. The first thing I thought, when she came bursting in, was that she knew, that she’d somehow worked out that Marnie was meant to be coming home and had been on the plane that crashed. But she’d thought I was ill and I wished it could be that – that I could swap everything around so that Marnie was definitely coming home, and that I was ill.