The Dilemma(30)

Other things began to fall into place. While Marnie was still at home, before she went to university, Max tried to come home to see his dad the same weekend that Josh came to see us, so they could catch up with each other. But there were several occasions when he didn’t have the excuse of Josh being home, but came over anyway, pretending it was to see me and Adam, telling us that he missed my cooking or that he needed Adam’s help with something. It never occurred to me that the person he was really coming to see was Marnie, and I felt mad that I’d been so gullible. Had something already been going on between them back then? Or had it only started when Marnie left for Durham?

Stupidly, I’d felt used. And how could he have made Marnie ‘understand’ that she shouldn’t keep the baby when he knew the circumstances of Josh’s birth, and must have known that Adam and I would be supportive after going through the same thing ourselves. Had he looked at us, our family, and decided it wasn’t what he wanted? It felt like a horrible betrayal of Josh, of me and Adam.

After that, whenever he came over – always asking about Marnie, about what she was up to in Hong Kong – I could barely look at him. I lost count of the number of times I wanted to challenge him, or the number of times I wanted to tell Adam not to offer him a beer, or take him for a drink. I knew that if Adam ever found out that Max had fathered a baby with Marnie, and had more or less told her to get rid of it, he’d probably kill him.

It’s why I’m glad I didn’t tell him.





4 P.M. – 5 P.M.





Adam


I sit on our bed, the house quiet around me. Josh and Max’s voices come to me from the garden but I can’t make out what they’re saying. A few moments ago, I heard them talking as they passed under the bedroom window, something about the music for tonight, I think. But it didn’t really register.

The house phone lies next to me on the bed, its screen dull and deactivated. Before, when I was in Marnie’s room, I suddenly remembered that she might have called the landline and as I ran downstairs, I allowed myself to believe there’d be a voicemail from her. But there wasn’t, just three messages for Liv, friends singing and wishing her a happy birthday.

My mobile lights up in my hand and my eyes fly to the screen. Not a WhatsApp message, but an email alert – an advert for a motorbike accessories sale. And I realise that stupidly, I hadn’t thought to check my emails. There might be one from Marnie.

I open my inbox and scroll through quickly, looking for her email address, her name listed somewhere. There’s nothing. I hear a car door slamming and then Liv’s voice. An emotion I can’t quite place hits me, as if I’ve been caught doing something wrong. I quickly type an email to Marnie, asking her to call or email back, and telling her that we love her, very much.

‘Mum, you can’t come up here yet, the marquee isn’t ready!’ Josh’s voice is too loud, he must be on the terrace. Liv will have come through the side gate.

I get to my feet and move to the window. Josh is leaping around, his arms outstretched, blocking her way.

‘Stay there!’ he shouts.

‘No problem,’ Liv says, laughing and tugging at the strap of her bag, which has slipped from her shoulder. ‘Can I at least sit here?’

She’s by the table, where Josh and I hid the box this morning for Marnie to hide inside when she arrives. We’ll have to delay that now. A wave of anger hits me. Liv doesn’t deserve this, neither does Marnie. How did today go so horribly wrong?

Josh’s voice pulls me back. ‘OK, you can stay there. As long as you don’t come any further and definitely don’t look in the marquee!’

‘I won’t. It’s just that Kirin gave me this.’ She pulls a bottle of champagne from her bag. ‘She says I have to have it with Dad now, before the party starts. It’s so kind of her – she had it in an ice bag, ready for us to drink.’

My heart sinks. A glass of champagne is the last thing I want.

‘Max and I won’t mind if you leave some for us.’

She bends to stroke Murphy, who’s emerged at her legs.

‘I’m sure that can be arranged,’ she says, her tone light.

‘Did you have a nice day?’

‘Yes, it was wonderful! I had a massage and facial.’ She looks mock-severely at Josh. ‘You were meant to notice the difference.’

‘I did think you looked a bit more – radiant? – than usual,’ he says, making Livia laugh.

She lifts a hand, shading her eyes. ‘Where’s Dad?’

‘He’s upstairs. He’s got a migraine.’

‘Oh no! He hasn’t had one of those for a while. Didn’t he go into town, then?’

‘Yes, but he was a bit off when he came back and when I asked him if he was alright, he said he had a migraine.’ He lowers his voice but not low enough so that I can’t hear. ‘I probably shouldn’t say this but I think it might have something to do with your present.’

‘Gosh, I don’t want him stressing if he hasn’t got me anything. It really doesn’t matter. Do you think I should say something, put his mind at rest?’

‘No, leave it for now because it might turn out alright. But if it doesn’t, at least you’ll have been warned. I have done the right thing telling you, haven’t I?’ he adds.