Smolder (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #29)(68)

I wanted to ask what had gone wrong since we saw them last time, but Richard leaned closer to us and I realized he was sniffing the air because he’d smelled another wolf. Jason saw Richard in the mask, and he was so surprised that he broke contact. I could have forced the issue and “called” him back, but I respected his privacy. Either he didn’t want to share his pain with us, or he didn’t want to share it with Richard. Either way, I let it go.

“That was Jason, wasn’t it?” Richard asked.

“Yes,” I said. Nathaniel hugged me tight, and I knew he was wondering the same thing I was: What had happened to Jason’s happily-ever-after?





29

I WAS ALL READY to pick up a phone and call Jason and just ask, but he texted both Nathaniel and me in a group chat. Don’t call. I’ll call tomorrow.

Nathaniel texted him back, Promise.

I texted, Are you okay? Is there anything we can do to help?

He texted back, I’m okay. No, there’s nothing you can do. I promise I’ll call tomorrow.

I started to text more questions, but Nathaniel touched my hand and shook his head. “Jason doesn’t want to talk about it tonight.”

“But . . . but he and J.J. have been so happy. What the fuck?” I said.

He laid his hand over mine on my phone. “I know, but Jason is allowed to tell us on his own schedule. Boundaries, remember.”

I took a deep breath in and let it out, counting. Nathaniel had been going to therapy for years longer than I had, so he had better habits in certain areas. Boundaries were hard when you could accidentally read people’s minds, emotions, and even damn near trade bodies in the middle of things.

Our therapist was asking our permission to write a paper about healthy boundaries in metaphysical relationships.

“But . . .” I wanted to call him to find out what had gone wrong, to ride to the damn rescue, and that was one of the issues I was working on, because you can’t save everyone, but more than that, when you rode to someone’s rescue too soon and too often you stole their chance to rescue themselves, or to learn a lesson so that they wouldn’t keep needing to be rescued by anyone.

“Jason is a grown-up and capable of handling his life, Anita.”

I looked at Nathaniel and wanted to say something so much less adult and full of old habits. Bad ones at that. Jean-Claude joined us. “Is there anything we can do tonight to help Jason?”

I looked up at him and shook my head. I didn’t bother to fill him in because if he hadn’t read my mind, then he’d heard us talking.

“Then let us celebrate our own happiness tonight, ma petite.”

“But . . .” I looked at Nathaniel and then back to Jean-Claude and then finally to Richard, who was just standing there. Anger finally flared; I guess it was actually a positive step that it took this long for me to get pissed when I was frustrated in what I wanted to do. Even as I thought, the rage boiled up like an old friend to keep me from feeling helpless about Jason’s situation. I used to think therapy

would fix all my flaws and issues, but that’s not how it works. Therapy gives you better tools to work your issues and build yourself into a better and more complete you, but it doesn’t “fix” you.

“Why are you just standing there?” I demanded of him.

“Because I’m not sure I’ve earned a right to be a part of the discussion yet.”

“You’re in or you’re out, Richard, there is no in between.”

“Ma petite . . .”

“No, let him answer.” Even as I said it, I knew I was being unfair and just using Richard as a target.

“If I came in here tonight and demanded to be a full member of your poly group when I haven’t earned it or talked to everyone, you’d be wicked pissed at me.”

The anger was already leaking away on the ebb of Jason’s sorrow. I realized I was still picking up on it. “You’re right, and I’m sorry I tried to pick a fight. Jason shut off the metaphysics between us, but I’m still getting some of the emotional echo.”

“Do you wish me to help you shield harder against him?” Jean-Claude asked.

I shook my head. “I can cut the noise between us; I’m just worried about him, so I forgot.”

Nathaniel took my hand in his and said, “We can do something fun on our end to send back to him.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “If he’s not getting enough sex that seems mean, he’s not much of a voyeur.”

Nathaniel drew me in closer to him. “Then shield so that you’re not leaking all over each other and then let’s celebrate that we’re happy, Anita.”

I wrapped my arm around him and put my face next to his, breathed in the sweet vanilla scent of him and let go of the tightness that had started to wind me up. They were right, there was nothing I could do to help Jason tonight, and he didn’t want us to interfere, so . . . “What kind of celebration did you have in mind?” I asked, but I was smiling, because I was pretty sure what his answer would be.

“We still need to shower,” Nathaniel said, smiling.





30

I FINALLY GOT OUT of the beautiful but progressively more uncomfortable heels but was still wearing the shiny designer dress. Jean-Claude had taken off his fabulous boots, but the robe stayed on, and Richard and Nathaniel were still in their short-shorts. I had time to notice that Nathaniel was more muscular, more cut, just in fiercer shape than Richard for the first time. Richard was still taller by inches and that wasn’t going to change, but the lack of access to a supernaturally rated gym meant that he’d lost some of the definition and bulk that he’d worked so hard for, at the same time that Nathaniel had increased the intensity of his workouts. We’d found workouts that helped him get cut without bulking so much that he lost the flexibility he needed to dance. It seemed wrong, like parts of them had switched places. We were ready to get in the shower, but then it got awkward. “I’m not sure all four of us will fit in one stall,” Richard said.