Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(39)

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Our conversation outside the hotel room isn’t mentioned by Jax; hopefully, he was too high at the time to remember his words, but I’m on edge around him now. I replay any physical contact we’ve had; looking for signs, Jax saw our relationship as more than musical. How Jax ever thought I could be added to his list of conquests, I have no idea.

I won’t get undressed in front of him again.

Life returns to normal after the tour, or as normal as my life ever gets. We have a break from official rehearsals but often evenings at home turn into a few drinks and a fair bit of music. The four of us discuss what’s coming next, planning our future.

I don’t see or speak to Jem. Tour over; he backs off for a while. Jem’s away, we’re not sure where. The States I think. We have our studio time booked for when he returns. Whatever stress Jem entering my life has given me, the fact Ruby Riot are on the path to becoming a success makes everything worthwhile.

But Jem consumes my thoughts. As a housemate, he was weird, and I kick myself that the easiness we had together was ruined by the step into something more, the night at the hotel. I question my sanity – at pining for an ex-drug addict, the unstable Jem Jones from Blue Phoenix. Yeah, he’s just what I don’t need. The ‘no relationships’ rule I have when it comes to the band should more than obviously apply to our pseudo-manager. Besides, I need to spend time outside of a relationship before I dive into another, and stop attaching myself to men who claim to want to help me.

Yet I continue to miss him. Jem understood and didn’t judge, and he looked at me in a way that saw beyond Ruby. And for the first time, I didn’t care. Someone offered support and wanted nothing in return, an unusual situation in my life. I hope in a small way I returned that.

Dan.

Since the text that freaked me out before the tour, he’s been silent. On tour, the nightmare was distant but back in my normal life I’m on edge again. Maybe Dan’s with one of the girls he said he was f-ucking. The thought turns my stomach, not because he was having sex with other girls; but the possibility he might not have used condoms. I get tested and thankfully, I’m clean. That would be one last kick in the guts if he’d given me an STD.

After a week of sleeping on the sofa at the boys’ house, I up my attempts at finding a new place to live. Sharing with three guys is okay but none of them has any clue about hygiene, let alone tidiness, and I’m used to living with clean freak Dan. Living and breathing Ruby Riot is okay, living and breathing Jax, Will, and Nate, not so much. A room comes up in one of Will’s friends’ house. My tin of savings covers a deposit and I gladly move out.

A week after I take the room, life settles. I share with two uni students, Alison and Kate. They’re nice enough, but we have nothing in common. I don’t do small talk so I’m not sure living here will work out long term. I mostly keep to myself and fit into their house routine so at least the atmosphere is calm. The one problem is Kate is a serious student who studies more than she parties. She has a ‘curfew’ of no noise after eleven p.m. and she isn’t a fan of my guitar playing. So inevitably, I end up spending time with the boys anyway.

Ruby Riot’s studio time is booked for next week and I’ve swapped as many shifts at the café as I can to early mornings and late evenings, freeing up my afternoons. Ben’s not happy with my unreliability, two weeks away touring, and now this less than a month later and I’m concerned I’ll lose my job. I have a little left over from my Escape Fund but not much. I don’t care if I lose my job. I’ll find something else. This is my big chance – our big chance – if Jem Jones has faith in us, I should too.

This Ruby is worth something, now all I have to do is believe she can be who she wants.

The evenings darken as summer heads to autumn although the late summer heat isn’t going anywhere. I head home from my shift at the café. I’ve arranged to catch the guys at the pub later, so Kate needn’t worry about the noise tonight. The narrow house is squashed together with other terraced homes, the majority filled with students. Ours is easily spotted because for some weird reason Kate likes to tend the square metre patch of grass below the window and there’re pansies growing there. I’m willing to bet our house is the tidiest on the street inside and out.

Inside, Alison lounges on the sofa eating ice cream, blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, and watching some reality TV crap.

Alison looks up when I walk in. “You’ve got a visitor.” She indicates the kitchen with her spoon. “Hot guy - how many do you have tucked away?”

I drop my messenger bag on the floor. “You mean Jax?” I doubt Will or Nate would match her tastes, but Jax appears to be everyone’s taste, and he loves it.

“No, Dan. You never mentioned you had a boyfriend.”

A sharp spike of panic launches into my body. “What?”

“Dan. He’s in the kitchen with Kate.” Alison frowns at me. “What’s wrong?”

The room shrinks as I’m sucked into the fear I’ve not missed in the last few weeks. “Dan.”

“Yes. He said you’d asked him to come over.”

The dizziness grips, the weak girl fighting through. “Make him leave,” I say hoarsely. “Tell me when he’s gone.”

“Oh, God, I’m sorry. Is he an ex? I didn’t know. He seemed so nice and friendly.”