Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(38)
“f-uck you!” I yell, the sound echoing along the corridor.
“He’s probably right, Ruby.” I turn to the familiar voice. Jem stands a few feet away, lines creasing his forehead as he looks between us. “I shouldn’t have tried to go there with you.”
“I knew it! What did he do?” Jax straightens; face hardening as he watches Jem.
“Nothing!” I snap at Jax.
“Everything’s too hard. I can’t get involved with anybody else’s drama.” Jem crosses the hallway and hands me the keycard to his room. Our hands touch and I jerk my fingers away. I could’ve kissed him. I wanted to, was so close to giving in, and giving myself. “I’m driving back to London tonight. Use my room, Ruby. When you get back tomorrow, we need to talk about a few things.” He looks to Jax. “All of you. I’m not stupid. I can smell the drugs in that room.”
Jax stares at his bare feet like a scolded child. “Sorry,” he mumbles.
“Yeah, decide on your priorities because I’m not managing a bunch of stoners. Your music should come first. See you tomorrow.”
Jem pulls his phone out and scrolls through the screen as he walks away. I stare after his retreating figure, stunned by the turn of the evening.
“What a f-ucking hypocrite,” says Jax. “He’s the biggest stoner of them all!”
I itch to slap Jax, at his immature understanding of Jem’s situation as a recovering addict. “Maybe take his life as a warning.” I head away from him. Nothing would persuade me to go back into the hotel room I share with them. “And have some respect!” I call, not looking back.
Jem’s room is empty apart from the guitar I played before. He left it for me. This lances pain into my heart because it means Jem heard me play at night when I was staying with him and I couldn’t sleep, and is aware tonight will be difficult. He’s wrong. I’m exhausted; the events of the evening dragged the remaining energy from me. I don’t touch the guitar; instead, I crawl into the soft bed and wait for sleep.
He was right. I’m wrong. Sleep doesn’t come easily. I’m in the bed Jem once slept in and I breathe in the scent of him. Jem came so close to kissing me; if I hadn’t turned my head, I’d have given in to the hidden desire for Jem I deny every day. I can’t let him in; he’ll take advantage of my vulnerability, use me, and break apart the pieces I’m gradually slotting back together.
Chapter Eighteen
Ruby
The trip from Oxford to London the next morning is short but the journey drags. The toll of the last couple of weeks on the band shows. When we left to go on tour, the atmosphere was jovial and full of apprehension; now it’s replaced by exhaustion on all sides, which emerges as irritability. An exhausted, irritable Ruby makes the usual Ruby appear laid-back in comparison.
One thing’s for sure, I need to leave Jem’s and move on with my life. The two weeks I spent living with him were the safest I’ve felt in years, but incidents like last night show how wrong it is for us to spend time together. If we’re on the edge of an invisible line separating us physically, running away from the situation is the best option. What a glorious f-uck-up screwing Jem Jones would be.
I ask Jax to help out and he agrees; I’m uncomfortable with Jax sounding relieved considering his drunk words about hidden feelings. Will and Nate give the okay for me to stay with them for a while, that period of time undefined but the impression I get is they want it short. We’ve already lived on top of each other for a few weeks. There’s muttering about where I’m going to store my stuff in their small house, considering my room will be the sofa in the lounge, although it’s not as if I have many possessions. Dan owned most of my things, the way he owned me.
Jem isn’t home when I arrive at his house the next day so with relief I bundle what I left behind when I went on tour into bags. The quicker I do this, the better.
I’m scouting around Jem’s lounge room for anything I might have left lying around when I hear the front door close. My insides turn in on themselves as Jem’s heavy footsteps ascend the stairs and I attempt to judge his mood from the pace.
Jem pauses when he sees me, frowning at my rucksack. My heart turns rapid fire, memories of how close we got last night flaring into my cheeks as I’m caught in the attraction I have to this hot as hell guy from my fantasies.
“You’re leaving then.” He indicates my bag.
“Yeah. Thought it was best.”
“Yeah, probably a good thing.” He fiddles with his keys, avoiding my eyes. So much for the ‘things to talk about’.
“I can’t fit everything in my car though, is it okay if I come back later?”
“Leave things here as long as you like.” He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “Going to stay with Jax?”
“That’s a loaded comment if ever I heard one.”
Jem scowls. “I’m not arguing with you, Ruby. I’m too old for little girl games.”
Before I get a chance to retort he walks past into the kitchen.
I debate following him and giving him a mouthful for patronising me; to point out he’s behaving like a big kid too. We’re not exactly being mature about this, are we? Placing his house keys on the coffee table nearby, I leave the house.