Reminders of Him(64)

Funny how something that should feel so good can feel so painful when the circumstances aren’t right. And our circumstances are definitely not right. But I squeeze his hand anyway, letting him know I’m feeling exactly what he’s feeling, and I’m just as torn as he is.

Ledger drops his forehead to mine, and we both close our eyes and just silently breathe through whatever this moment is. I can feel everything he’s not saying. I can even somehow feel the kiss he’s not even giving me. But if we slip back into the moment we shared last night, it would rip that wound open even wider, until that’s all I am.

He knows just as much as I do that this isn’t a good idea.

“What are you gonna do, Ledger? Hide me in your closet until she’s eighteen?”

He looks down at our hands still linked together and shrugs. “It’s a huge closet.”

There’s only a beat of silence before it’s sliced in two by my laughter.

He grins and then leads the way through his dark house and back to his truck.





CHAPTER THIRTY


LEDGER

I’m in my office processing payroll, processing my thoughts, processing all the mistakes I’ve made in the last few weeks.

Roman was right when he said I could have paid her off if I really wanted her to leave. Maybe I should have, because the more I’m around her, the more false hope I’m giving her.

The Landrys won’t come around to the idea of accepting her anytime soon. And if she stays here and continues to work, it’s putting us both at risk of getting caught.

I don’t know what I was thinking hiring her in the first place. I thought she could hide out in the back, but Kenna isn’t the kind of girl you can hide. She stands out. Someone will notice her. Someone will recognize her.

And then we’ll both feel the consequences of this lie.

I take out my phone and text Kenna. Come to my office when you have a second.

I stand up and pace for the entire thirty seconds it takes her to make her way back to my office. I close the door behind her and then walk over to my desk and sit on the edge of it.

She stands near the door, and her arms are folded. She looks nervous. I don’t mean to make her nervous. I point to the chair in front of me, and she walks hesitantly toward it and then sits.

“I feel like I’m in trouble,” she says.

“You aren’t in trouble. I just . . . I’ve been thinking. About what you overheard Roman say. And I feel like I should let you know that you don’t have to come to work anymore.”

She looks surprised. “Am I being fired?”

“No. Of course not.” I inhale a breath in preparation for the honesty I’m about to spill. “We both know I hired you for selfish reasons, Kenna. If you ever get to the point where you want to leave town and you need money, all you have to do is ask. You don’t have to work for it.”

She’s looking at me like I’ve just punched her in the gut. She stands up and starts pacing while she processes this conversation. “Do you want me to leave town?”

Fuck. I brought her in here to try to make her life easier, but I’m saying everything wrong. I shake my head. “No.” I reach out and encircle her wrist with my fingers to stop her from pacing.

“Then why are you telling me this?”

I could give her several reasons. Because you need to know you have options. Because if you stay here, someone will eventually recognize you. Because if we keep working together, we’ll shatter whatever is left of our flimsy boundary.

I don’t say any of those things, though. I just look at her pointedly while I run my thumb across her wrist. “You know why.”

Her chest rises and falls with her sigh.

But then she jerks her hand from mine at the sudden knock on my office door. I immediately stand up straight, and Kenna folds her arms over her chest. Our reactions make us look really guilty right now.

Mary Anne is standing in the doorway looking back and forth between us. She grins and says, “What did I just interrupt? An employee evaluation?”

I walk around my desk and pretend to be occupied by my computer screen. “What do you need, Mary Anne?”

“Well. This suddenly feels like the wrong moment to mention this, but Leah’s here. The woman you were supposed to marry today? She’s out front asking for you.”

It takes everything in me not to look at Kenna to see how she reacted to that. Somehow I manage to stay focused on Mary Anne. “Tell her I’ll be right out.”

Mary Anne backs away from the door, but she leaves it open. Kenna immediately follows her out without looking back at me.

I’m confused, because why would Leah be here? What could she possibly want? Is she having more of a reaction to what today was supposed to be than I am?

Because I’ve hardly thought about it. I think that proves it was the right decision. For me, at least.

I walk out of my office, but I have to pass by Kenna on my way to the front. We make two seconds of eye contact before she looks away.

I exit the kitchen and look around the room, but I don’t immediately spot Leah. It’s a lot more crowded now than when I went to my office to do payroll, so I glance around for a moment before making my way behind the bar. Mary Anne is at the other end of the room, so I can’t ask her where Leah went.

Roman sees me and points at a group of guys. “I haven’t taken their order yet.”