More Than Lies (More Than #1)(61)

I long to be with someone that provides me with total comfort so I can just be me. Do the things I think about, write about, the stuff watch on my phone when I’m alone in my bed at night.

I have this fear, real fear that I’ll never experience that kind of relationship, that I’ll never find that person.

The sound of a door gently closing brings me out of my thoughts. I’m standing in an empty bedroom. It’s a small kid’s bedroom. It must belong to a boy, because there are super-hero things everywhere in here. The Batman emblem adorns the black comforter on the bed. Must be a pretty cool kid. I’m a sucker for boy toys. Maybe it’s because Trent would give me his stuff when he deemed himself “too old” to be playing with something. Of course, it never stopped him from playing with them with me after he gave them to me.

He places both hands on my shoulders and slowly runs his palms down my arms. He’s standing directly behind me. With his chin, he moves my hair away from my neck. Closing his hands around my wrists, he runs his lips from behind my ear, down my neck, and stops before coming in contact with my sweater. Ever so lightly, he plants a kiss on my skin.

For a second I let my eyes flutter shut and I forget where I am.

“Taralynn.” Jared calls my name so I turn, facing him. He’s so darn sexy-cute, and I can tell by the twinkle of hope in his eyes that talking isn’t all he hoped for. Well, buddy, I don’t think so, especially not in some little kid’s bedroom. Eww.

“Jared, you said you wanted to talk.”

“I do, but I can’t fight the temptation to touch you. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed the feel of you.” His eyes glance down to where he kissed my skin. “What do I have to do to convince you to give this a try? Us a try, baby.”

I don’t know how to convince him that there will never be an “us.” This is why I stopped sleeping with him a couple of months ago. I hate feeling like I continue hurting him because I can’t give him what he wants. “Baby, we’re good together. We fit together like a glove.”

“Jared, don’t. Don’t do this now. We’ve—” I don’t finish because he cuts me off. He doesn’t want to hear the same speech over again. I don’t want to give it, but here we are. Again.

“All I’m asking is that you give us a real chance. You never have. You always blow off any possibilities of a relationship.”

“I’m not blowing anything off.” God. What does he want from me? I’ve spelled it out, haven’t I?

“Then what is it? We have fun; sex between us is fucking phenomenal. Why can’t you give a relationship a shot?” He blows out a breath in frustration.

“I don’t want a relationship.”

“You don’t want a relationship or you don’t want one with me?” What am I supposed to say to that? I don’t know, so I remain silent. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hurt him. He deserves more than what I can give. “I’m willing to give you anything. Braden won’t give you shit. He doesn’t look twice at you, but it’s still him you want. I don’t fucking get it.”

“I’m not asking you to.” I take a step closer toward him, but Jared backs up. I can’t blame him. “I like you Jared. I even love you, but I love you like a friend. You, you deserve someone better than me. Someone who you can go all in with and can equally go all in with you. It’s not me, but she’s out there. If you open your eyes, I know you’ll find her.”

I don’t wait for his response. Instead I step around him, walking the few steps toward the door, but before I walk out I hear him.

“I want it to be you.”

I don’t know what else to say so I leave, shutting the door behind me. I can’t convince him, that’s obvious now, but maybe time will. He’ll see. Jared is such a great guy. He was a douche in high school, but who wasn’t? Now he’s fun and caring, and he has so much to offer someone.

He might want it to be me, and on some level, I wish it were.

Reaching into the front of my dress, I take my cell phone out from where I have it tucked in the center of my bra, to check the time as I descend the stairs. Without a purse and no pockets, it’s the only place I can store it because I don’t want to hold it all night long. Once I see it’s just after ten, I swipe the screen and type in my code to unlock it since I have a text message that I didn’t realize I had. But before I’m able to open it, someone latches onto my wrist and yanks me forward. I stumble off the last step and my body is jerked around the stairwell. I’m pulled into a bathroom so fast I don’t know who has a hold of me.

Panic sinks in as the door slammed shut. I’m disoriented from the quick and unexpected capture. It’s a man, I know that much because I’m pressed against his hard chest.

The slight case of vertigo I just experienced starts to dissipate as my senses return. It’s the scent of him that makes my body relax automatically into his. My eyes snap up to Shawn’s, and then a soft, inaudible moan escapes my lips at the sight of the intensity behind his brown eyes. The flakes of gold are glowing. I know he’s pissed. Why, I’m not sure, but it’s such a turn on. I couldn’t tell you why that is, either. Another unexplained affect he has on me.

“Did you fuck him?” His question catches me off guard, and I don’t respond as quickly as I guess he thinks I should. Releasing my wrist, he grabs me by the waist with both hands and then yanks my body closer into his front. “Did you?”