More Than Lies (More Than #1)(66)

When Tara shakes her head and drops her eyes, I try again. “Tara, baby, tell me what’s wrong, please.” Shit, that was a slip up. It happens every now and again when I’m on edge, or when she’s drunk and I know she won’t remember. Not knowing what’s wrong or what’s causing her sadness has my body and head ticking like a bomb ready to explode.

“I can’t fix it if you won’t tell me.” I take the buzzing cell phone out of my pocket. I don’t recall anyone ever calling me this much in one night. Every time I’ve attempted to answer it, something or someone distracts me. This moment is no different; she snaps her sapphire eyes back up to my own before dropping a bomb the size of Mt. Everest on me.

“My brother is dead.” My phone slides from my hand, dropping somewhere on the floor, as liquid pours out of both of her eye lids. Oh fuck. I bring her head forward, and release her hands so that I can pull her to me. Tara has been connected to Trent’s hip since the first day I met her. If it wasn’t for the age difference and looks, you’d think they were twins.

I move away from her, falling onto the mattress, letting my back land against the headboard on my bed. Once I’ve adjusted myself, I pull Tara into my arms. She latches onto me, pushing her face into my neck, one hand digging into my bicep and the other squeezing the side of my neck that’s opposite of her face.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” There I go again, but fuck me, I don’t know what else to say or do. I’m in new territory here. I’ve never dealt with death, or at least not someone so close to me. Granted, Trent and I weren’t friends in any form, but like Tara, he was a fixture within my own family for so long. He’s my brother’s best friend—or was my brother’s best friend. Shit. Shane. Kylie. I can’t think about them at the moment. Tara needs me, and I’ll give her anything she wants right now.

Her crying starts again. Tears, I hate. Tara wailing, I can’t take. I don’t know what I have to do, but I know I have to do something to help her.

Moving my hand up, I place it onto her lower back and wrap my other around the back of her head, pulling her as close to me as I can possibly get her. “I don’t know what to do, but whatever you need, I’ll do it. Just tell me.” I bring my forehead forward, touching it to the top of hers as I close my eyes. I exhale a breath of air, feeling as though I’m at a loss.

“Make it go away. Take it away and make me forget.” Her voice is begging me and that makes me snap my lids wide open. I only know one way to make her forget, and that is the last thing I’m prepared for. She doesn’t need meaningless sex, not tonight, and not ever. Tara is better than that.

Is she even asking me to fuck her? I have no clue right now.

“Tara?” Her name comes out as a question, but no other words follow. I don’t know how to ask her to clarify or how to tread around her with what’s happened tonight. I certainly don’t have any intentions of hurting her. And adding sex into this will hurt Tara. I know her feelings for me are serious. I’ve known it for a long time. It’s always written on her face, but I also know I can’t give her what she deserves or wants. I don’t do relationships. I never wanted a relationship. I don’t fit into her family the same way she fits into mine. It would never work, so it’s pointless to even go there.

“Please, Shawn. I’ve never asked you for anything. I need a break.” Her voice cracks. “Even if it’s a small one. I can’t take feeling like this. It hurts so bad, and I want it to stop.” She lifts her head, causing me to pull my own back. “Please.”

I let my head fall all the way back against the leather padding on my headboard. This can’t happen. I’ve worked too hard to keep her untouched by me. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to kiss her lips. So many times I’ve gotten off on just picturing her body in my mind. Truth be told, I can’t masturbate without thinking of her. I’ve wanted her just as much as she’s wanted me, maybe more. But she’s never once come right out and told me, and I keep my desires buried down, not even admitting it to myself before tonight. Shit.

“Tara, I’ll take you home. I’ll even take you to my parents if that’s what you need, but this—” She cuts me off which is probably good because I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m rambling, and I never ramble.

“No. I need you. You said anything. Please Shawn.” She pushes away from me. Planting her right palm on my chest and pushing up. “You’ll screw anything with tits but me. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing.” My reply is immediate. And there isn’t. What Tara doesn’t grasp is that she is perfect. She fits too perfectly in my arms. She isn’t too short or too thin. Her body molds to mine a little too well. “You just—”

“Don’t.” Her voice is final. “Don’t tell me what I do or don’t want. I have parents for that.” She removes her hand from my chest and I know she’s about to pull herself off my bed so I reach forward, gripping her waist, then I quickly pull her back to me, before flipping her onto her back in the middle of the bed. My body hovers over hers.

“Damn it, Tara, I’m not. But come on. You want more than a five-minute fuck and you know it. Same as I know you’re better than that.”

“What I know is I want you, but you don’t want me, so move and let me up.”