How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water (34)

Ay, wait, if you permit me, I need to get more water. Thank you.



* * *



Look, I committed some errors. But the day he left was an accident.

Yes, an accident. It was Sunday. I was ironing the clothes. It’s the only day I had to do all my oficios. Fernando was eighteen. He graduate from the high school, and wanted to go outside to be with his friends. And, like I told you, it was very dangerous in the streets, and he was dressed in a funny way. How? You know what I mean. The pants were too small for him. You could see everything. I mean—everything. You understand?

Change your pants, I said.

I had a mountain of clothes this high. I had to iron all of it. I had a migraine. In those days I had many migraines. The pain in my eye, like a knife.

They’re fine, Mami, he said and went to open the door.

People will get the wrong idea, I said.

C’mon, Mami, I’m already late.

You want the building to talk about you? You know how that makes me look?

How it makes you look?

Yes. You know how it makes me look.

Oh my fucking God, he said, and walked around the sala like a bull trapped in an arena. The nose flared, the feet hitting the floor. But I couldn’t let him go out like that.

?Co?azo! I said. Listen to me or—

Or what? he yelled. He had never talked to me like that before. His voice got deep and loud, his arms stretched out like this, and he started punching the air. And right there, I saw Ricardo in his face. The same face, the same hands. All the times Ricardo would raise his voice with me and hold me by the neck and lift me in the air.

Look, one day you are big and the baby is small, and then the next day the baby is big, much more big than you, much more strong.

Fernando! I will tell you one more time: you can’t leave the house like that.

And you know what he did? I am holding the iron and I said, Don’t open the door, Fernando. But he opened it. Like I was invisible. Una cualquiera.

So I threw the iron to the door to stop him.

The iron hit the side of his face. Fernando fell to the floor and made a grito so loud. I am sure everyone in the building could hear.

But why did he get in the way?

Of course, I ran to him.

You’re fucking crazy! he yelled.

I laughed with relief. Yes, laughed. I could have killed him but, gracias a Dios, no. He was OK. I saw blood come down the side of his face, but he was moving toward the bathroom.

Ay, Dios mío. Let me look.

Get away from me! he yelled.

I ran to get some napkins with some ice.

Don’t be dramático, I said. It doesn’t look bad.

But he pushed me, stood up, and went to the bathroom.

Tell me you are OK, I asked him from outside the bathroom door, the ice burning my hands.

Leave me alone, he said.

I waited outside the bathroom for a long time. The ice melt and I couldn’t feel my hands. Many times I said, It was an accident. I never want to hurt you, but he said nothing. When he finally came out and walked to his bedroom, I saw the cut on his face—it was bad, but not so bad. I was lucky. He was lucky.

Later, when I thought he was sleeping, I heard the door slam. Prá! The door slammed hard and definite. I thought he left for a few hours. But he never returned.

Why are you looking to me like that? Please don’t look to me like that. I love my son so much. Where’s the water?





GENTRIFIED


RENT-STABILIZED BUILDING, INC.


BILLING INVOICE # 453074

Little Dominican Republic

New York, NY 10032


To: Cara Romero

INVOICE

MONTH RENT (APRIL 2009)

$888.00



OPEN BALANCE

$2,356.00



PAYMENT RECEIVED (04/23/2009)

–$193.00



LATE FEE:

$40.00





Remaining Balance:

$3,091.00




Rent is due on the 1st of the month. Please pay rent on time to avoid late charges.





SESSION NINE





Ay, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t sleep the entire week.

Why? Because every week more problems. ángela will still not talk to me. She’s an Aries. It takes a very long time for an Aries to forgive. I tried to reach her, yes, by phone. I knocked on her door, but she refused to talk.

Yes, I apologized to ángela. I tried to make peace with her—ay, how I tried.

I made her the pastelitos with raisins! And I hate the raisins. But for her, I put the raisins. You know what she did? She left them in a bag, hanging on the door of my apartment! Gracias a Dios for Hernán that understands that everybody has a bad moment. Everybody commits an error. ángela acts like I didn’t raise those children too. But Hernán knows what I have done for those children and even when ángela is angry, he takes care of me.

You know what he did? He came to my apartment and said, Get dressed.

Learn this from me: Sometimes when you can’t change your ánimo you have to have people like Hernán to remind you about the important things in life. Sometimes we need help to not drown in a glass of water.

Yes, I know, I have real problems. But it’s good to have people to remind us that we have survived a lot more than this.