How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water (32)

Do they pay me money now? No. They give me some money to buy la compra and to pay for my utilities. That’s OK, because we are family and I love the children.

What I’m trying to tell you is that the American children get traumatized more easy than us.



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Ah, OK. Yes. I will tell you what happened so you can understand. You know Lulú has to take care of her grandchildren, and for me it’s easy to take care of the babies and cook for everybody, but for Lulú, not so much. So I have to help her. Taking care of the children has destroyed Lulú. Destroyed! So I invite her to my apartment with the babies. And it’s good because ángela wants Milagros to have playdates with other children, like Lulú’s grandchildren. They are very intelligent because they are from Brooklyn. And ángela loves Brooklyn. She says playdates help develop emotional intelligence. So Lulú and I put the children together and see them become more intelligent while we drink wine.

But Julio, who is five, cannot play with the babies. He is a tsunami because, when he pulls Yadiresela’s hair, ángela doesn’t give him a chancletazo. She takes a deep breath, touches his shoulders, looks him in the eyes, and says: Julio, it is not nice to pull your sister’s hair.

Of course, Julio knows it’s not nice. Julio was born not nice. He likes to bite. He likes to hit. He was born making the trouble. Some children have this character. They are born like that. Punto final.

But ángela tries to do like the Behavior Management Plan in this application. She does the redirection.

Julio, let’s choose another way to get your sister’s attention. Julio, let’s not hit your sister. Julio, we are all friends.

You know what happens next? Julio pulls Yadiresela’s hair even more hard!

And then—?el colmo!—ángela tries dique to stay calm and says, Julio, if you don’t say sorry to your sister, I’ll give you a time-out.

A time-out!

You know what happens? Julio does not say sorry. Then, ángela sits him in a chair in another room and says, Julio, you can’t get up until you understand what you did wrong.

Pfft!

She talks to Julio like he has the capacity to control himself. Not even his pipí he controls. My son, Fernando, never dared to make pee in the bed the way Julio does. At five years old, Julio makes pee in the bed every night! Mira, I would spank that mala costumbre out of him. It would only take one good spank in the nalga, not hard—he won’t even remember when he is an adult. Just enough so he knows to respect and not to pee in the bed. If ángela would let me discipline Julio, he would be a good boy and do what we say, like Yadiresela.



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So yes, last week I thought, Maybe I already have a day care except I don’t get paid. So to have a day care in my apartment would be a good job for me. But Julio tested my patience.

No, nothing. Listen to me, everything was OK. The babies were becoming more intelligent together, Yadiresela was doing her work for the school on the sofá. Julio was playing with his dolls of superheroes. I put the dinner of spaghetti with tomato sauce on the table. I went to the kitchen for one minute, one minute, and Julio, I don’t know why, took the plate of spaghetti and threw it on top of the babies.

Lulú screamed. The babies cried. Yadiresela yelled, ?Tía!

I ran from the kitchen, and you won’t believe it—spaghetti sauce everywhere: on Lulú’s shirt, all over the babies, on Julio’s hands.

Immediately we checked the babies. They were OK, because I always rinse the pasta with cold water, so it’s never too hot. And the sauce was at the temperature of the room. Gracias a Dios.

?Mi blusa! Lulú cried.

I yelled, Julio! And he ran around the apartment, laughing.

Please, Julio, I said, and grabbed him around his stomach. He kicked and kicked and escaped from my arms. This is where I’m different from my mother. I remembered ángela’s instructions. I breathed. And I practiced behavior management.

Please, Julio, I said. Cálmate. Stop, Julio, or I will give you a time-out.

He looked to me and laughed. Laughed in my face! ?Malcriado, co?o!

So I took him, picked him up, and I shook him like a maraca. Squeezed his arms, hard. And I yelled, ?Co?o, maldito muchacho, ?tú quieres un chancletazo?! Julio started to cry hysterically.

In that moment, ángela arrived. She saw everything. Mami! Mami! Julio screamed.

She ran to me and took Julio away from me.

It was so dramatic, like he was being saved from a monster. But they were just words. I would never hurt Julio. If I ever hurt Julio, ángela would never forgive me. So never.

He hugged ángela’s neck very tight and cried like a baby.

What’s wrong with you? she yelled at me.

Me?

Then she looked to Julio and said, Mi amor, I know Tía is scary sometimes. It’s OK, Mami is here. Yadiresela, get Milagros. We’re going home, ángela said.

She looked to me and screamed, You are just like Mamá! No, you are worse! You will never take care of my children again. Never! And she slammed the door.



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Yes, thank you, I need more water. It’s very dry in here. Yes, I am upset. Every time I hear that door slam it’s like it is 1998 again, when Fernando left and never came back. My heart beats fast, my chest hurts, and I have to sit down because my sugar falls.