How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water (38)

You know what I regret? I didn’t defend Fernando that day with Mamá. Ricardo was an animal. But Mamá, the way she talked to us—I am too humiliated to repeat. Mamá was so angry with me for treating Ricardo with disrespect. Mamá insulted us: Me, una malcriada.

Fernando, un mamagüevo.

I went to stay with a cousin in San Pedro de Macorís until we could take the plane to New York. We didn’t even say goodbye.

Me? No, it doesn’t hurt me. I don’t think about the past. I know how Mamá is. She is never going to change. Punto final.

That’s why I get angry with ángela, because she always wants to remind me of what happened when we were children. This happened, that happened, Mamá did this, Mamá did that. Ay! Why talk that now? We can’t change it. Déjalo.

But she says, We must talk or else we will get sick. To hold things inside makes us sick. But what am I going to do? I grew up different. If we don’t talk about something, it goes away.

Yes, it disappears. How?

That’s true. I am talking about the past to you now.

Yes, maybe it hurts a little. Co?azo. But I don’t want to hurt.



* * *



But listen. This is what I wanted to tell you today. Look, look at this. Like my life needs more problems. The management gave me this paper. Read it. They say if I don’t pay the rent I owe, they will throw me out of the building.

I told you the management has no feelings.



* * *



You have another Kleenex?

Ay, I am sorry. I can’t talk more. If it’s OK with you, I want to go home.

OK. Thank you.





THIRTY (30) DAY


NOTICE TO TERMINATE


DATE: Year of 2009


TO: Cara Romero (Tenant)

CURRENT PREMISES: GENTRIFIED RENT-STABILIZED BUILDING, INC.

The Management That Has No Feelings, on Behalf of the Landlord Little Dominican Republic, NYC


PLEASE TAKE NOTICE: That the Landlord hereby elects to terminate your tenancy of your subsidized housing that you have had for over ten, fifteen, twenty years? Now that area codes 10032/33 have become desirable and one of the most affordable premises in New York City for downtownites, the Landlord will commence Summary Proceedings under the statute to remove you if you do not remove yourself from the apartment one month (30 days) from this dated document. We do not recognize that said premises are a place you have called home for decades, where your extended friends and family live. Your Lease Agreement states Owner shall have the exclusive right to terminate this Licensee Agreement at any time for any reason or for no reason on thirty (30) day notice.

LANDLORD: GENTRIFYING LEASING PROPERTIES, INC.

BY: The Management That Has No Feelings

DATE: After broken windows were repaired, graffiti was removed, and the Everything Store was replaced by the White People Café.





SESSION TEN





I know, I am early today. I woke up thinking about everything you told me when you called, and I am so sorry that you were worried about me last week. Thinking about the past and then the present problems. Too much. Like the Americans say, when it rains it pours. But talking to you clarified many things for me.

You were right, I had to find a way to make things correct with ángela. If there is one person in the position to help me in this moment, it is her.

Like they say, la interesada has to put on the batteries. So I watched Channel 15 every minute and finally saw ángela in the lobby coming home from work. She was wearing her mo?o profesional, and when she is like this she has a difficult character. But I was ready. I put on the lipstick, took the stairs to the sixth floor, where she lives, and waited for her to get off the elevator. Qué susto I gave her, santo Dios. She was tired. She had bags under her eyes. Taking care of the children without my help is too much for ángela. For sure, she was drowning.

When she saw me, she said, Not today, Cara, and she tried to walk away from me. But I grabbed her arm. I didn’t want to make a show in the hallway, but it was my only opportunity to talk.

Don’t be like that, I said.

I want to go home, she said.

Is this about Julio? Por Dios, ángela. He doesn’t even remember that I yelled to him a little bit. Did you want me to let him destroy the house?

Cara, you’ll never understand.

You give too much mind to things, I said. This is the problem. Every little thing is a big thing with you.

Let me go, please. The children are waiting for me.

I come with you, I said. I need you to help with something.

Of course you do! You always need something, she said.

I was shocked. Me? I never need nothing. Yes, sometimes I need help with the burocracia; who doesn’t? But many things I do by myself. You know this about me, right?

I told her if I am such a big burden, then I will never bother her again. I told you that ángela wanted me to disappear, right? You see, family is a burden to her. For me, taking care of the children is a pleasure—but she needs to understand that I don’t want them to grow up like animals. It’s incredible to me that for her to help me—?le pesa! It’s like I am asking her to carry a bag full of shit.

I told her, Don’t worry, when you leave to Long Island you will never have to see me again.