Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(58)

I’m still standing at the foot of his bed, thinking about all the dirty things I’d like to do to him, when he returns a few minutes later with a large box in his hands and gives it to me.

“What’s this?” I ask in surprise as I turn and sit down on the edge of the bed, setting the box on my bare thighs.

“Just something I wanted to get you. It took a while for me to find the exact one, but… just open it,” Brent orders excitedly, a huge smile on his face that I want to kiss, because he looks like a little boy on Christmas morning right now.

His blue eyes are sparkling, and he’s practically bouncing up and down as he stands right in front of me. I can’t help but laugh at his eagerness as he rubs his hands together when I start to pull the packing tape off the top of the box to get it open. As soon as I lift the flaps and pull out the bubble wrap, I see something nestled inside, wrapped in white tissue paper.

“Careful. It’s breakable,” he warns seriously as I pull it out, which just makes me laugh again.

When I gently unwrap the tissue paper, my amused smile is replaced with a gasp of surprise when I finally see what he got me.

It’s a teal, Red Wing pottery vase. But not just any teal, Red Wing pottery vase. It’s the exact same one that my grandmother gave me that I smashed into a hundred pieces not that long ago.

“Oh my gosh. My grandmother’s vase,” I whisper, turning it around in my hand and running my fingertips over it in awe. “I can’t believe you found this.”

My eyes fill with happy tears that he did something so thoughtful. This vase isn’t worth a lot of money, but it was sentimental to me, because it was my grandmother’s. I have no idea how he was able to find the exact same one, but he did. I don’t even remember telling him about breaking that vase and how sad I was about it. I’m pretty sure I only mentioned it on—

Oh my God! Oh no.

My heart starts trying to beat its way out of my chest, and my hands are shaking so badly I have to put the vase back inside the box and set it down on the bed next to me before I drop it. I quickly go back over every conversation we’ve ever had, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I never told him about that vase. And yet he knew about it. And there’s only one way he could have known.

Oh, God. I think I’m going to be sick.

Looking up at him slowly, confusion is written all over his face that I’ve suddenly become quiet and not at all as happy as I was moments ago. I’m sure I look like someone just murdered one of my family members. I feel like someone just murdered one of my family members.

“I never told you about breaking that vase,” I whisper as a tear escapes from my eye and trails down my cheek.

I thought it was a good thing that I’ve come to know Brent so well and can tell everything he’s thinking just by looking at his face. But watching his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows nervously, and knowing he’s suddenly panicking, does not make me feel good at all.

“Sure you did,” he replies, nodding quickly. “It was on your coffee table and you kicked it over and….”

He trails off, and I get to experience the misery of watching his face quickly morph from panic to sadness that he suddenly realizes the error he made by giving me this vase. Or maybe it’s pity I’m seeing on his face. Who’s to know at this point? Now, I don’t even know what the hell I’m looking at on his face. I’m embarrassed, and I’m sad, and I’m so damn confused.

“You know. You listened. You listened and you never said anything?” I whisper brokenly, swiping angrily at the tears falling down my cheeks as I stand up from the end of the bed and move away from him.

“Heidi,” Brent says softly, reaching out and grabbing my arm as I pass him.

I jerk my arm out of his hold and continue walking until I’m over by the door and there’s enough space between us so I can think clearly.

“Did you just listen to that one? Or did you listen to all of them?”

It would be bad enough if he just listened to that one. Episode five, where I read an excerpt about oral sex and had to drink wine just to get the nerve to ask him out on a date.

When he closes his eyes and lets out a defeated sigh, running one of his hands nervously through his hair before he looks at me again, I have my answer. For a split second, I was still holding onto hope that maybe he’d chuckle and ask me what the hell I was talking about and give me some kind of plausible explanation, like maybe I talked about it in my sleep one night or something. I know that’s not really a plausible explanation, but it would make me feel a lot better than what’s actually happening.

“All of them,” he whispers guiltily.

Brent listened to Heidi’s Discount Erotica, and he knows… everything. Every mortifying, embarrassing thing.

I can physically feel my heart snapping in two and breaking into more pieces than my grandmother’s vase.

“It was an accident. I swear to you, Heidi,” he explains quickly, taking a step toward me, which makes me take a step back until I bump into his bedroom wall behind me. “I listen to this podcast called Herb’s Discount Building, and it’s all about remodeling on a budget, and one night, I did a search for it to listen to the newest episode, and your podcast must have come up in the search. I clicked on it without paying attention. Suddenly, I heard this voice that I recognized, and then when you said your name, I knew it was you. I know I should have turned it off when you started talking about me, but I couldn’t help it. You were just so sweet, and adorable, and I felt bad that—”