Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(56)

I hear the sound of my bedroom doorknob being turned, and there’s no way I can untie him in time, and we both know it.

I used double knots, for God’s sake! Do you have any idea how hard it is to untie a double-knotted silk tie? I don’t actually know, but going by how hard he was pulling on them when I had his penis in my mouth, and how red and angry his hands look right now as he continues jerking on them, I’m pretty sure I might have to cut those things off him.

With seconds to spare, I do what any rational woman would do in this situation. I toss his clothes to the side, yank the pillow out from under his head, and plop it right down on top of his junk, before turning around to face the door with a big smile on my face.

“There you are!” my mom says brightly as she swings the door open. “Why didn’t you answer me when—”

Her words cut off as soon as she looks beyond me, her mouth dropping open in shock.

“Uff da, you can’t just stop in the doorway like that, Peggy,” my dad complains as he gently pushes her shocked, frozen body out of the way and enters the room, immediately stopping in his tracks.

“Oh, hey there, Mom and Dad! How’s it going? What are you guys up to today? Just out for a Sunday afternoon drive? It’s beautiful outside. We were just talking about going to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum to check out the botanical gardens,” I ramble.

“Who needs the botanical gardens when you’ve got a fern right here?” my mom mutters, her eyes never leaving Brent.

“What’s going on here, Heidi? Is this a burglar or something? Are you in danger? Where’s your cell phone. I’ll call the police,” my dad states, starting to back out of the room.

My mom quickly reaches out and grabs his arm to stop him.

“Henry, remember that thing we talked about doing last week from that book I read, and you said no because you already have bad circulation in your hands?”

My dad silently looks back and forth between me and Brent for a few seconds. I see the lightbulb go on in his head when his eyes get as big as saucers, before quickly giving Brent a dirty look with narrowed eyes and a curl of his upper lip.

Brent clears his throat behind me.

“Mr. and Mrs. Larson, it’s lovely to finally meet you. I’m Brent Miller, your daughter’s neighbor and boyfriend. Heidi’s told me so much about you,” Brent says in an overly cheerful voice.

I turn around and give him a grateful smile. The poor, poor man is meeting my parents for the first time in the buff, tied to my bed. A lesser man would probably be crying and would denounce any kind of boyfriend status just to save himself from imminent death by humiliation, but Brent is clearly not a lesser man. He’s the best man.

“Are those my ties?” my dad suddenly asks.

Oh no.

“My funeral ties? Heidi Marie Larson, did you use my funeral ties for… this?”

“I fixed the leak under Heidi’s kitchen sink!” Brent shouts quickly to try to get my dad to stop glaring at his funeral ties.

“Well, aren’t you just a sweetheart!” Mom praises. “Henry, isn’t he just a sweetheart?”

My dad doesn’t answer. He just continues giving Brent the evil eye from over by the door.

“Dad, Brent’s in construction. He’s very good with his hands!”

I realize the error of my words when my mom immediately giggles.

“Oh, sure, when they aren’t tied up,” she states through her laughter. “That can’t be comfortable. Heidi, untie the poor man.”

“The knots are a little… tight at the moment. I don’t think I can get them undone,” I tell her in a quiet voice, my face heating with embarrassment.

“Let me see if I can get them. I’m good with knots.”

“No!” Brent and I both shout at the same time when she starts moving toward the bed.

“I mean, no thank you, ma’am. That’s very kind of you to offer, but I’m fine. I can’t feel my fingers anymore, but it’s fine! I’m good,” Brent reassures her.

“She’s had a loose step on her front porch. I noticed that was fixed on my way in. Was that you as well?” my dad asks Brent, crossing his arms in front of him.

“Yes, sir, I fixed that step a few weeks ago,” Brent confirms, lifting his head and nodding between his arms strung up above him.

“What about the jiggling toilet handle in her guest bathroom?”

“Fixed that too,” Brent says with a smile. “Along with the window that wouldn’t open in the spare bedroom, and the wobbly dining room table leg.”

Silence fills the room as my dad continues staring Brent down, and my armpits start sweating so badly I’m afraid my dress will forever be ruined by pit stains.

After a few tense minutes, my dad finally drops his arms to his sides and lets out a sigh.

“I’ll go outside and get my hedge trimmers from the trunk to cut the boy loose,” my dad finally speaks as he turns away from us, shouting once he’s back out in the hall. “But for God’s sake, put some pants on him before I get back!”

“I’ll just go start heating up the chicken and broccoli hotdish I brought over for lunch. Brent, you’re going to love my chicken and broccoli hotdish. It’s one of Heidi’s favorites,” Mom tells him happily before also exiting the room.