Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(30)

“Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’ll reward myself with one glass of wine if I can get through this excerpt without blushing. That sounds good, doesn’t it? Like when I would reward my students with stickers if they did well on a spelling test. I’ll just think of this as an adult spelling test.

“Ahem.”

*Cough, cough.

“‘The delicate scrap of lace from my thong is immediately ripped off of me and tossed to the side. Ryan’s… tongue swirls around mine, probing deeper and driving me crazy. I quickly drop my hands to his jeans, ripping open the button and yanking down the zipper, dipping my hand right into his boxer briefs and pulling out his hard, swollen…’ Uh, um… ‘…pulling out his hard, swollen…’ Rooster! ‘I pump my fist up and down his… length a few times, until he reaches between us and takes himself in his hand, guiding himself to my…’ Flowering lady garden!”

*

*

*

“Uuugh, I’m sorry! Wine time! Folks, I promise I’ll study more next time. This is Heidi’s Discount Erotica, signing off. LoveMyBoo4Ever, if you’re still listening, I’ll be in my hydrangea bush until further notice.”





Chapter 15





“Thank you for calling EdenMedia. How may I direct—”

“I told you it was a good idea to bring her a cardigan. It’s freezing in here. Where’s the thermostat? I’m just gonna adjust it a little.”

“Peggy, don’t touch the thermostat. We have more important concerns. There’s a squeaky floorboard. Do you hear that? Rinky-dink construction, that’s what this is. Our daughter is working in a place with rinky-dink construction. I need my toolbox.”

The phone slowly slips from my hand and I completely forget about the person on the other end of the line as I sit behind the reception desk, watching my worst nightmare come to life.

My parents are at my place of employment.

Oh jeez. My parents are at my place of employment!

Like two tiny yet completely destructive tornadoes, they barrel around the room, adjusting the thermostat, opening the blinds, rearranging the stack of magazines on the coffee table, fluffing the decorative pillows on the couch, rapping a fist against each wall, and complaining about which one is load-bearing and which one isn’t.

“Mom, Dad, what are you—”

“Not now, Heidi,” my dad cuts me off as he goes back to the squeaky floorboard by the door and starts jumping up and down on it. “You hear that? This needs fixing immediately. The floor could give out at any minute. Someone get me my tools out the trunk of the car.”

Please, for the love of all that is holy, let this natural disaster stay contained in the lobby and disappear before anyone knows they’re here.

“Yoo-hoo! Is anyone here? I brought lemon bars!” my mother shouts down the hall, holding the pan of her famous lemon bars out in front of her like she hopes the smell will waft toward everyone working today and they’ll all just abandon their work and come running.

“Mom! You can’t just yell down the hallway at a recording studio,” I scold, getting up from my chair with a sigh and coming around the desk to stand next to her. “Everyone is really busy this morning. They don’t have time for lemon—”

“Did someone say lemon bars?” Dave yells excitedly as he flings open the door to one of the studios and power walks toward my mother. “Hi, I’m Dave! You must be Heidi’s mom.”

“It’s just a dream,” I mutter to myself. “Any minute now, I’m going to wake up and this will all just be a dream.”

“Young man, you have a dangerous situation on your hands over here with this floor,” my dad informs Dave as he continues to jump up and down on the floor, the squeak of the loose floorboard almost as annoying as my parents being at my work right now.

Dave shoves an entire lemon bar in his mouth while grabbing three more to take with him, pointing his handful of treats at my dad.

“Oh yeah. That thing has been squeaking since the day we opened,” Dave says around a mouthful, bits and pieces flying out of his mouth while he speaks.

“Dave, don’t talk with your mouth open,” my mom tells him, pulling a napkin out of her purse hanging over her shoulder and handing it to him.

“Okay, so it was really nice of you to stop by, but we have to get back to work now,” I speak in my calmest voice, keeping the irritation buried deep.

Grabbing my mother’s shoulders, I turn her body away from Dave and start gently pushing her back toward the door.

“Don’t be rude, Heidi!” she admonishes, stopping in the middle of the room and refusing to move any closer to the door. “Your father and I wanted to see where you work and meet all your co-workers. Where’s Jameson? Is he working today?”

“Jameson is super busy. Everyone is super busy. Today isn’t a good day. Tomorrow probably won’t be a good day either. Maybe Friday five years from now will be a good day. You should come back then.”

“Jameson!” she shouts at the top of her lungs, completely ignoring me.

I hear another studio door open down the hall and let out a defeated sigh as I watch Jameson and Aubrey come into view, huge smiles on their faces as they walk toward my mom.