Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(78)

I knew I was really awake that time because my bed was completely empty. My bed was achingly empty, and I could remember every long second that had ticked by since Kellan’s departure a month and a half ago. There was no glossing over time periods in reality. Every moment was catalogued in the brain, so every moment was known. You didn’t suddenly not remember six months passing. Unfortunately.

Sitting up in my bed, I cursed the erotic dream I’d been having. It really wasn’t fair to wake up right as Kellan was exposing himself to me.

I didn’t even get to sneak a peek.

Sighing, I tossed the covers off. My dream had left me in a mood that required Kellan’s attentions. Irritated, I decided to get ready for school.

At least some education would help douse the fire in my body.

I turned the water all the way down to ice cold when I got in the shower. It didn’t entirely take the heat of the dream away, but the shivering and shaking did help. By the time I was done, I had to hop up and down to get my circulation moving again.

217



My teeth chattering, I smiled at a post-it note on the mirror as I ran a comb through my hair. I’d found it the morning after Kellan had left.

Sleepy and a little forlorn, I had found it hiding inside my mirrored medicine cabinet, waiting for me behind my stick of deodorant. In Kellan’s neat scrawl, it read, ‘Remember you’re beautiful, and I’m thinking of you.’ After I’d taped it to the mirror, my sister had added a sticky note beside it. Hers read, ‘I’m jealous and I hate you…but you are beautiful.’

I shook my head at them both. It still amazed me how much thought Kellan had put into his departure. I’d found other notes tucked throughout my home. One in the coffee pot told me how many scoops to use to make the perfect batch. One in his car reminded me to drive slowly. One tucked in the back of my locker at work asked if I missed him yet. One at his house told me I could make use of his bed if I wanted to. It even highly implied that I should enjoy myself, and if I wanted, I could send him pictures.

After I’d found the majority of them in those first couple of weeks, I’d thought that would be it, but as time went by, like a never-ending Easter egg hunt, I kept finding ones that had been even more carefully hidden.

Sometimes, when I had spare time, I’d search for them. That was how I’d found my most prized possession.

Kellan had hidden it well, maybe not wanting me to find it for a few months. And I’d come across it completely by luck. Once Kellan had started spending so many nights here at my place, I’d given him a drawer in my dresser, so he could store some of his stuff. And just because I loved him, I’d given him the top one. Wondering where the clever man would stash a note in my home, I’d rifled through his shirts and jeans.

After checking all of his pants pockets, I’d started in on my drawer below it. Expecting him to leave something naughty in my underwear drawer, I’d been surprised to find it undisturbed. But then I’d heard a weird noise as I was closing it, like paper sliding against wood.

Taking the drawer out, I’d flipped it over and found the surprise taped to the bottom. I’d stared at it for a solid five minutes, barely even breathing. Kellan hadn’t left a note there. He’d taken a picture. It was black and white and artistically beautiful, but that wasn’t what made my breathing shallow. It was what he’d chosen to photograph.

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It was his body…fresh from the shower.

I wasn’t sure how he’d captured the image, but it started around his jaw line and cut off just centimeters before his…intimate parts.

Everything in-between was covered in beaded drops of moisture, rivers of it running across the curves and lines of his well-defined physique. It was the single most erotic thing I’d ever seen, and I flushed whenever I looked at it. I flushed a lot throughout my day.

I kept it in my purse with me, carrying it around everywhere I went. I pulled it out periodically, reading the inscription on the back whenever I did. In red ink he’d written, ‘I know you enjoy looking at me and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of anything that brings you joy.’ I usually fanned myself with it next.

Whenever Kellan and I talked on the phone, I’d always mention what I’d found that day. He’d chuckle at me, enjoying that he could entertain me, even while away. I suspected that was only one of the reasons he’d done it. First as a game, and second as a way to keep me thinking of him.

Like I’d ever stop thinking about him. The night I’d told him I’d found his naked picture, he’d made a deep noise in his throat, then asked,

“Which one?”

I couldn’t even answer him and he’d spent a good minute laughing. I had no idea if there were more naked pictures around, but I was determined to find out.

Sighing again, I shook my head to clear Kellan from my thoughts. I needed to think of other things today than missing him. I needed to think of other things than how he was doing and what he was doing. I needed to stop wondering why almost every time he called me there was a giggling girl in the background. No, those things could wait until later.

Today, today I needed to focus on my last class before winter break. My last final before winter break.

And then…then I could think about Kellan, about finally seeing him again in a week, when we met up at my parents’ place for Christmas. I was trying to not get too excited about it, but it was too late, I already was. My parents…were not so thrilled. Convincing them that Kellan could join in our festivities had taken some work. It wasn’t as if they 219