Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(74)

When Denny had left for Tucson, it had left a hole in me, a void that Kellan had filled. I didn’t want to repeat that pattern. I didn’t want anyone to fill Kellan’s place, now that he was the one that was leaving. So I had to fill the ache of him being away with something healthy, something all my own. I wasn’t sure what yet, but I was positive that I could. Losing Denny the way I had, doing what I’d done to him…that had forced me to grow up some.

Guilt and regret flooding me, I dialed a number that I hadn’t in a while, a number that I should really call more often. Bringing the ringing phone to my ear, I bit my lip while I waited for the other line to pick up.

It did on the third ring.

206



“Hello?”A familiar voice said happily, clearly mid-laugh.

“Uh, hi…it’s me.” I rolled my eyes at my awkward greeting. Really, after everything, things between us shouldn’t be awkward anymore.

“Oh, hey, Kiera.”

Denny’s accent wrapped around my name and I smiled, memories coming back to me. In the background, I heard a female voice asking him a question. I instantly did the time zone math in my head and cringed. It was late Saturday afternoon here, so it was Sunday morning in Australia.

He was probably having a leisurely brunch with his girlfriend, Abby.

Being the honorable man that I knew he was, Denny answered her question truthfully. “It’s Kiera. I’ll just be a minute, Abb, then I’ll show you how to make pancakes without burning them.” In the background I clearly heard, “That was not my fault! You completely distracted me.” Denny chuckled at her and I instantly felt stupid for calling. He had his own life, he really didn’t need me interfering in it. Thinking I should just tell him that I’d call back later, his voice shifted back into the phone.

“What’s up? Everything alright?”

I sighed, forcing the image of him with another woman out of my head. He was happy. That’s all I’d ever wished for him. “Yeah, no, everything’s fine, Denny. I just, we haven’t…” I sighed again, not knowing exactly how to put my feelings into words. I’d really have to work on that, since English was my major. “It’s just…we don’t get to talk as much as we used to, and the last time we talked things were…weird. I wanted to make sure you were…okay.”

I bit my lip, hating that I’d brought up that conversation. Kellan had drunkenly talked about our sex life with him, something Kellan had been really careful to never do, not since the night of the fight, the night Denny had broken his arm, nearly broken my skull.

Denny sighed. “Yeah…I already got a call from Kellan this morning, Kiera. The two of you really don’t have to worry about me. You don’t need to walk on eggshells. You don’t need to treat me with kid gloves. I get it. You’re together. I know what…that entails. I’m fine with it, Kiera.

207



I left you. I broke up with you…but I never wanted you to be alone, bab…”

He stopped himself short and my eyes widened. He’d nearly called me baby, right in front of his girlfriend. I closed my eyes as I heard him sigh again. “I know,” I whispered. “But still…we don’t want to hurt you.

You’re…a friend…to both of us. A close friend?” I added, my tone coming out as a question instead of a statement.

Denny chuckled. “You guys are close friends to me too, all right. So, let’s just skip over this weird part…”

“But…?”

“Kiera, do you want to know if I hurt?” he whispered, his accent thick with emotion building in it. “Yeah, sometimes I do. I mean, yes, it sucks that my girl cheated…” I hung my head as he broke off his sentence with a long exhale. “No, it’s not that you cheated, Kiera. It’s that you fell in love. If you’d just strayed a couple of times…I could have…I probably could have looked past that. But you didn’t…you fell in love. So yeah, that hurts, okay?”

I sniffled, thinking I never should have called him. “I’m sorry…” A long moment of silence was all I got to that, then, quietly, “I know, Kiera. You don’t have to keep saying it. You can’t…you can’t help falling in love. It’s not a reaction you can control. I get that, I really do. So please…quit apologizing, I don’t want to hear it anymore.” I swallowed and whispered, “Okay.” In my head I added another, I’m sorry. I probably always would with him.

I pictured his dark brown eyes staring at me, a hand coming up to run through the piecy, dark hair. After another moment of silence, he finally spoke again. “What are you going to do with Kellan gone for so long?” Almost like he didn’t want me to take that the wrong way, he added, “I mean, what are you going to do to keep yourself busy?” I chuckled a little, in a not humorous way. “No, you mean am I going to cheat on him?” He didn’t say anything and I sighed. “No, I would 208



never hurt someone like that again. It’s not the person I want to be.” Exhaling softly, I said, “I had a boyfriend once who was the best person I’d ever known. Honorable, loving, sweet…sappy. He’s who I aspire to be someday.”

He chuckled now. “Well, sounds like you were an idiot for letting him go.”