Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(67)

The scent of him overwhelmed me and I inhaled it, savoring it. Tears were already stinging my eyes when he continued. “This tour is just me being gone for another show…a really long one. But when it’s over, I’m coming home to you, to slip into your warm, inviting bed, like I always do…”

I nodded, not having any words.

He swallowed again and closed his eyes. “I’ll still be with you every night, Kiera. Every night, no matter where I am, I’m crawling into bed with you. Our bed will be a lot bigger, miles wide, but it will still just be me and you inside it…okay?”

I nodded again and he whispered, “This doesn’t have to change anything…if we don’t let it.” Swallowing, he choked out, “So let’s not let it, all right?”

Tears sliding down my cheeks, I sputtered, “All right…” Pulling apart from me, his own eyes moist, he searched my face again.

“Are you okay?”

Feeling the weight of his absence crushing down on me, I choked on a sob. Hating myself, but not able to stop the words from forming, I shook my head in his hands. “No, no I’m not okay. I changed my mind. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want this. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to give it all up and stay here with me…please.”

Tears were coursing down my cheeks as I started to sob. I hated that my feelings were coming out this way. I didn’t really want him to give up his dreams…I just didn’t want to see him go. I loved him too much.





187


Surprisingly, he exhaled in what looked like relief. Smiling softly, he brushed the tears off my cheeks. “Good, I’m glad to hear you say that. I really thought this wasn’t affecting you.” He kissed me twice, then pulled back and held my gaze. My sobs eased at the look in his eyes. “I love you too, Kiera…so much.” Shaking his head, his eyes moistening again, he added, “I’m gonna miss you…every second.” I nodded and swallowed, trying to reign in my explosive feelings. I felt like I was going to break down into hysterics any second, and I didn’t want our last moment to be that way. Even if it had been reaffirming for him to see my grief, I didn’t want to drown him in tears. This was a good thing for him, an exciting thing. I wanted him to go off happy, knowing that I’d be here when he got back. And like Jenny was always telling me, I had to have faith that he would come back.

Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine the reverse of this moment, six months from now, when he was coming home. We’d embrace. We’d shower the other with affection. Then I’d drop my reluctance to move in with him and we’d go home together. Then we’d make love for hours.

Just the two of us, twisted in his sheets, moaning in passion. It ignited me a little already, just thinking of it. We just had to get through this winter and then we’d be reunited in the spring…like last year.

Thinking of winter sprang my eyes open. “You’ll be gone,” I whispered.

He bunched his forehead, not following my vague statement. Shaking my head, I clarified. “This will be our first Christmas…together…and you’ll be gone.”

The sadness threatened to drive me over the edge again, but he smiled. “I won’t be working over the holidays. I do get some time off.” I sighed. “But who knows where you’ll be. You couldn’t possibly fly across the country just to spend a couple of days with me.” Frowning, he shrugged. “Why not? People do it all the time.” I shrugged, feeling like it was too much of a hassle to ask him to jump on a plane, not once, but twice, during the busiest traveling time of the 188



year. Tilting his head at me, he twisted his lip. “Where will you be for Christmas?”

Shaking my head, I shrugged again. “With my family in Ohio, I guess.

I’ll probably spend my winter break there.” He nodded, his smile widening. “Then I’ll meet you there…in Ohio.” I raised an eyebrow at him, shaking my head. “Kellan…” He interrupted me with a swift kiss. “No, I’ve always wanted to meet your parents, see your home town.” Pulling back, his face excited, he smiled wide. “When I get the time off, I’ll come to you.” He shook his head, his eyes glowing. “We’ll do Christmas with your family. It’ll be great, Kiera.”

Sighing, imagining him sitting on my parents’ couch, sipping eggnog, I nodded and bit my lip. “Alright…it’s a date.” Both of us feeling better, we kissed again for a few long seconds. Band members brushed past us as we nonverbally said goodbye, but we ignored them. I even managed to ignore Griffin grabbing my butt and murmuring in my ear, “Yes, Kellan…God, yes.” Then we were alone and the bus driver was snapping at Kellan to get on or he’d leave him here.

Sighing, we broke apart…for the last time. I didn’t want to think of it that way, but there it was, the last kiss we’d have for what I knew was going to feel like an eternity. Swallowing as he nodded at me, he took a step back. Our hands trailed across the other’s arms and it took every amount of will power I had to not grab his fingertips as our hands broke apart.

I didn’t want to, but a sob came out of me when his skin left mine.

Even though we’d made plans to see each other again, it almost felt like things were irrevocably shifting. We’d never be Kiera and Kellan again…not like we were anyway. I hoped that the new Kiera and Kellan would be better, stronger, more trusting of each other…but I didn’t know for sure what or where we’d end up. And the unknown is a terri-fying thing.