Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(170)

I started reliving the past as I wrote it. It was like watching a movie in my head, one that I wished I could have stopped sometimes, as parts of it were exceedingly painful, but it was therapeutic, too. I didn’t hold back any details either. It was an emotional, soul bearing rollercoaster ride of just what had gone down between Kellan and I. Our slow build up, our passionate releases, our attempt to bottle up what we’d felt behind a wall of friendship, our heated fights—I wrote it all.

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I figured I would come out the bad guy in the story, hated, reviled for betraying a man as good as Denny. Maybe it would be different, if Denny were the cold, abusive or jealous type, but he wasn’t. Denny was a good man, a great man, so I knew that I’d come out as the heartless one. But that was okay. I’d done it, and I had to live with the consequences of doing it. And, anyway, that wasn’t who I was anymore. I’d grown, being with Kellan. I’d learned a lot about myself, about who I wanted to be. I was still struggling through my insecurities to be that person, and that’s something that I’d probably have to push myself with every day, but I was becoming that person.

The confident woman who’d shaken her booty for her boyfriend, while dancing around in the kitchen eating pizza—she was in here somewhere, and she was ready to come out.

Time flew by as I prepared myself to leave the life of higher education.

With work and finals and my sister’s return to Seattle, I barely had time to sleep. But somehow I managed to pull it off, and before I could com-prehend it, the middle of June was upon me…and I was about to become a University of Washington graduate.

As promised, Kellan flew back from Los Angeles to attend the ceremony. Sitting on our bed, he distracted me with small talk about his album while I searched through my dresser for something suitable to wear. As I listened to Kellan’s voice as he went over the technical aspect of recording, I felt butterflies of excitement stir in my belly. I’d done it. It had been hard, and taken a toll on me, for sure, but I’d made it through the academics. And now I had to be put on display.

That was definitely the downside to graduating. But oddly, I was looking forward to it. Maybe because I knew Kellan was going to be there.

And Anna. And my parents, since Kellan had gotten them plane tickets to come out here just to see me graduate. Even Denny had said he’d come. Everyone I considered family would be in the audience, cheering me on. I found a lot of strength in that.

Holding up a pair of black slacks and a gray button-up shirt, I wondered if it screamed “graduate.” A voice in my doorway pulled my attention that way.

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“No, not that one.” Anna stood leaning against the frame, shaking her head. She took a step into the room and extended her hand to me. “Here, wear this.” Sighing, she rolled her eyes. “Lord knows I won’t be wearing it for a while.”

Taking the small scrap of fabric from her, I smiled down at her pro-truding belly. Anna was sixteen weeks along, almost halfway to her November due date. In another month, she’d be able to find out if her prediction was correct, if she was having a girl or not. She had a bulge that was unmistakable now, and utterly adorable on her. She’d grown to embrace the new curvature of her body, no longer hiding it behind baggy sweats and shirts. The maternity shirt she had on now clung to her hormonally enlarged chest. The pale pink fabric then clung to the baby in her belly before meeting back up with her hips. It was as seductive as a mom-to-be could dress.

Her friends at work had been surprisingly supportive when Anna had finally spilled the news. Her manager had given her a larger-sized Hooters uniform, and told her that her pregnancy wasn’t a problem; girls working for the restaurant chain got pregnant all the time. Even though I’d told Anna that they wouldn’t, that legally, they couldn’t, Anna had seemed relieved that they hadn’t fired her.

Anna felt even more relieved when the manager had confessed that she’d had the same fears when she’d gotten pregnant as a waitress. Then the level-headed woman started showing my sister the ropes behind the scenes. Anna surprisingly loved it. And she was good at it, too. I think it gave her confidence, having something to fall back on that didn’t rely on her looks. Not that my sister really needed that much help in the confidence department.

Smiling at the image of my devil-may-care sister trying her hand at responsibility, I unfolded the outfit she’d just handed me. It was a short, tight little black dress, the kind that was perfect for almost every occasion. I held it up to my body and twisted my lips. Anna dressed a lot more provocatively than me, and a lot of skin would be showing.

Kellan, still lying on our bed, murmured his approval. “That…is perfect.”

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I glanced over at him. His midnight blue eyes were locked onto my cleavage. The neck line was a low-cut square and would rest just above where it needed to when I put it on. I doubt I’d be able to wear a bra with it. Anna chuckled and I turned to watch her rub her stomach. She gave me a warm smile. “You’ll be beautiful, sis.” I inhaled and stood up just a little straighter. I felt beautiful already, just being near the people who loved me. And even though the dress made me cringe, I would wear it, and wear it proudly. Because today was a day for bravery. And I had role models of that bravery all around me. Anna was brave everyday that she struggled through her situation.