Don't Let Me Fall(26)

I slowly closed my eyes and let the wind whip around me. The noise below us were mostly blocked out and it was relaxing. It’s cold. Only seems right, it’s October.

Logan slid his hands down my shoulders until he got to my elbows. I have no idea what he’s doing but it feels nice. Then he started spreading my arms apart. Wider. Wider. Until

they were extended all the way.

I can picture how this looks.

Anyone who has watched Titanic has seen the boat scene where Rose and Jack stand on the railing on the front of the boat and Rose looks like she’s flying. I’d say that’s what I

look like right now. That’s how I feel.

You were born to fly, Becka. Don’t let anyone stop you.

I’m smiling. A really big, idiot looking smile.

I opened my eyes and shook Logan’s hands off me. I took a step forward and I jumped. I’m flying. I’m–

My eyes shot open and I gasped. f-uck! I turned around and found Logan looking at me like I ran over his foot.

“Rebeckah–”

I ran past him and ran back into the building where I didn’t stop. Why did he bring me up there?! Why did he let me feel free?! Like I was flying.

I haven’t had a bad thought in weeks and then I had one. I f-ucking pictured throwing myself off the roof. When Dad told me I was born to fly, he didn’t mean off buildings. My

sick twisted mind turned those words against me.

I ran down the stairs and ignored Logan calling out to me as he followed. I don’t run a lot but I know running down twenty-two flights of stairs will kill me.

Bring it.

No!

I shook my head and kept going.

Twenty. Eighteen. Seventeen.

Every time I look for a number, it’s going down.

Fifteen. Thirteen. Ten.

I can’t breathe. My head is spinning.

I stopped.

My phone is ringing.

My heart is beating at a really fast pace.

I’m going to die.

Alice died. Why did you live?

It should have been you.

It should have been you, Rebeckah!

Hands grabbed me. A voice talked to me. I stopped moving. The world stopped spinning. The ringing stopped.

“Breathe, Rebeckah.”

So I did.

I closed my eyes and I leaned into the person holding me. I focused on the pounding heartbeat mirroring mine. I touched it. I felt the thump-thump-thump beat against my hand. The

rise and fall of a chest. The warm breath on the back of my neck. The warm fingers wrapped around me.

I took a deep breath.

Another.

Thump-thump-thump.

Thump-thump...thump.

Thump...thump.

I curled my fingers into my palm and I felt my legs get their strength back. I’m not standing. If I was, my legs wouldn’t be so close to my chest.

I opened my eyes.

I’m curled into a ball on someone’s lap.

I looked left.

I’m curled into a ball on Logan’s lap.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

It took a second for me to piece together that I’m sitting on his lap and he’s holding me against him as he’s sitting on the stairs. When my mind completely understood it, I

pushed his arm off me and I stood up.

“I’m fine,” I said dryly.

I will not talk to him about my f-ucking problems.

I started walking down the stairs again when Logan grabbed my arm. He held my eyes for the longest time, probably thinking of a new test to do on me.

“Take the elevator,” he said.

For the first time since we met, I didn’t roll my eyes or bitch at him. I just followed him past the door and into an awaiting elevator without another word.

My hands are shaking so bad that crossing my arms over my chest did nothing. I tried biting my fingernails but that proved useless when I couldn’t even bring my fingers near my

mouth.

Logan reached out and grabbed my hand.

The shaking slowed down a bit.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I can’t even look at him. Not after what just happened on the stairs. No one besides my family has seen something like that happen and he just did. He saw me freak out and lose it.

And he didn’t leave me. He stayed and helped me. No one should have to be forced into helping me.

“I didn’t think you’d freak out,” he said softly.

My hand stopped shaking.

The elevator stopped on the ground floor but we didn’t move. He has to let go of my hand but he’s not doing it. I have to move my legs but I can’t.

I don’t think I can leave this elevator. My mind is playing tricks on me. It’s thinking of ways to hurt myself when I have the chance. Maybe walk out of the elevator and head into

the trash room where I can squeeze myself into the trash chute and end up getting crushed as the dumpster comes by. Maybe head into the dining hall, steal a knife and head into the

bathroom. Maybe just do it in front of everyone. Make blood drip on the floors and let everyone see me bleed out. Dying. Or maybe run out of the building and get hit by a car.

I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry.

“Rebeckah.” Goddammit, he needs to stop talking. But I like it. Ugh, I’m so screwed up I can’t think straight! I chanced it and looked at him.