Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(49)

I look up, fear gripping me so tightly it hurts to breathe. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ll ruin someone else’s life because of the mess I’ve made.”





Chapter Twenty-One


Ellie





I walk through the grass, dew sticking to my legs as I move closer to my destination. I woke up early, and since Connor and Hadley were already out working on the barn, I thought it was time to come get some much-needed advice from the people I love the most.

It’s been years since I’ve been here. Time that I’ve spent trying to piece my broken life together the best way I could. As the days passed, as time slipped away and my world became more complicated than I ever thought it would be, one thing has always remained steadfast. I love these people, and I know they loved me.

I hold the bundle of white daisies that I picked up on my way, my hand shaking as I get closer. The smell of clean morning air swirls around me, hints of grass and a little bit of cow is inevitable.

Still, I’m transported back to the day I buried them eight years ago.

That day, I stood here alone and sad, feeling as though nothing would ever be the same. And it hasn’t been. The night they died forever altered my life.

That person stole my family and future.

Now, I’m going to get it back.

Just a few more steps and I’ll be able to see the plaques where their names are etched. They’re small, simple, and mark the resting places of the two people who were most dear to me.

I stop, my heart is racing as I stare down.

The grass is overgrown to the point where I can barely make out the names, but there’s a bouquet of dried up flowers lying above them. “Hi, Mom,” I say as I squat, tearing the blades away to reveal what should’ve never been forgotten. “I know it’s been a while and . . . well . . . a lot has happened. I’m hoping you’re watching from above and know that you’re a grandma to a perfect girl. Her name is Hadley because—” I stop speaking as I trace the letters of my mother’s name, Hadley Joanne Cody. “I guess you can guess why. I needed you beside me still. She reminds me of you. She’s smart, funny, has the biggest smile. Dad would love her, too, she’s as curious and clever as he was. You would’ve loved her. You both would have. I’m not sure that you’d be so proud of me, though,” I confess. “You see, I ran away from all the things you taught me about family and respect. I think that’s why I stayed away from here for so long. I was sure you’d think I was foolish. My own heart was breaking because of the choices I made and coming here was the last place I could go, but I was stupid, Mom. You wouldn’t have judged me. You would’ve helped me.”

My mother was the best person in this world. She loved with an intensity that rivaled anything else. I’ve tried so hard to be that way with Hadley. To love her like it was my last day. So many times, I feared it might really be, and I hoped that knowing the love I had for her was so strong that it would get her through.

My own mother loved me that much.

And I still didn’t do right by her.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong like you.” I look over at the gravesite where my father rests. “I’m sorry I didn’t find a man like you, Daddy.”

A tear falls down my cheek. “I’m sorry that I was afraid and wanted to believe I could change someone. I’m sorry that I let the person who took you away go free. I don’t know who was driving that car, but I want you to know that I’ve never forgotten.”

For a while, I had hope. But when the police said they had no information or any reports of damage matching the accident, the case went cold.

As did my heart.

“I have so much to tell you.” My voice shakes. “A confession of sorts to the people who raised me to do better. I married Kevin, even after I told you I didn’t think I would. I thought he would be like you hoped, but he wasn’t. I think I knew, even in college, that there was something dark inside him. Now, I’m . . . well . . . I’m making changes. Ones that you would be proud of.”

I try to think about what I would say if Hadley were in my situation. I know my mother would place her hand on mine and give it a squeeze. She would tell me that I’m smart and that I know what I need to do, just to get on and do it now.

“I filed for divorce from Kevin after he . . .” My voice trembles as a tear forms. “He hit me. He would’ve killed me, and well, he didn’t because of Connor. I told you about him the last time I was here, only I didn’t know his name. I bet you probably thought I would marry him since I went on and on about him. Then there’s the possibility that he might be Hadley’s father, which is a whole other thing.”

After I left Connor that night, I came here. I laid my soul bare to my parents, knowing I could never tell another soul about what I felt. I was ashamed but also filled with hope. I told them about how he held me, cared for me, and how I was going to be okay now.

“He’s back, and I don’t know what any of it means, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to be near him. I find myself dreaming of him during the day and then restless at night, thinking about kissing him again. I worry that it’s too soon to be feeling these feelings.” My hand moves against the cool metal, and I wonder if I’m being crazy. Connor and I haven’t known each other long, and yet, it’s as though no one else in the world has ever known me better. He’s been patient, caring, and kind. I know he wants me—I can see it in his eyes, but he fights it.