By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers #3)(89)

I rubbed my wedding ring as I listened to the priest, feeling more and more uneasy. Anna’s face didn’t give anything away. She looked stunning and her smile was what everyone expected from a bride on her wedding day, but I knew her too well. True happiness didn’t reflect in her eyes.

I tried to catch Anna’s eyes, to once again let her know with my expression that I was fine with whatever she decided. But she didn’t look my way, maybe because she knew what she’d see and didn’t want to be weakened in her resolve.

Clifford didn’t hesitate when the priest asked him. His yes carried conviction. I didn’t know him well enough to gauge the truth behind his demeanor. When it was Anna’s turn to pick up Clifford’s ring, I wanted to speak up, to stop this bond, but this was Anna’s decision, and I’d support her no matter what.





When Mom and Dad left, I took a moment to gather myself. Mom’s words circled in my brain. She wanted me to be happy. I’d never doubted it, even when Mom and Dad had decided to promise me to Clifford many years ago.

Would I be happy with Clifford?

Maybe.

Maybe I could have been happy with him if I hadn’t been stupid enough to think I could keep emotions out of the mix when I slept with Santino.

Forgetting Santino? Right this second, I couldn’t see that ever happening. Maybe the memories would eventually fade. Or they’d be magnified by the frustrations of my daily life with Clifford.

“Get a grip,” I growled.

This was for the Outfit and my family.

Canceling the wedding now? A scandal of ridiculous proportions would ensue. And how could I possibly explain that I’d waited this long to change my mind. There was no going back now.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to leave the room. Dad was waiting for me at the end of the narrow hallway. He smiled when I walked toward him. I could see pride in his expression, something I’d always aspired for no matter my age.

I arrived by his side and smiled in turn. He bent down to kiss my temple. “You are very gorgeous. You know I’m always only a call away if you need help.”

I chuckled. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Clifford being the abusive type. He and I will figure out a mutual understanding to live in peace.”

Dad’s brows drew together. “Your mother would say that’s something I could have said before I married her.”

“And it still worked out.”

“It did,” Dad agreed quietly. His eyes searched mine before he asked. “Ready?”

I nodded quickly before my courage could leave me.

Dad held out his arm and we headed toward the wide double doors. The moment we stepped through them, I held my head high and smiled coolly. The nervousness I’d expected didn’t come. No jittery or fluttering belly. I was calm, almost eerily so. I felt detached, as if it wasn’t me about to marry.

Surprise flashed on many people’s face at my choice of dress. It wasn’t the classic piece many had expected. Mrs. Clark looked positively offended as if a skirt-line ending above the knee might as well end the world.

I got a strange kick out of it.

Clifford looked posh in his dark suit and smiled mildly. It was impossible to gauge his feelings regarding the dress. He’d not only grown into his tall frame and wasn’t as lanky anymore, he’d also learned to mask his emotions. He wasn’t the quirky boy anymore, but he wasn’t Santino. My eyes searched the church quickly as if Santino might have miraculously woken from his coma and come here. And for what, really? He’d hate every moment of the ceremony and I’d wish every second of it that he’d stop the damn thing.

I shoved those thoughts aside and turned my focus on Clifford when I arrived at the front and Dad handed me over to him. Clifford lightly closed his hand around mine. It felt softer than Santino, not roughened by years of weight training and gun handling. And his touch was unfamiliar. I couldn’t help but wonder how it would be tonight but the thought of actually being intimate with me let me panic briefly and so I shoved it aside as well.

“You look beautiful,” Clifford said appreciatively.

“Thank you. You look good in your suit.”

We turned toward the priest, and I tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling our short exchange had given me. This kind of public pleasantness might very well be the way we’d interact in private too. Maybe I could stand it for a year or two, but eventually I’d explode. I had a temperament that simply couldn’t always be tamed. A fact Santino loved about me.

Clifford glanced my way and I smiled quickly.

Bea carried the cushion with the rings toward us, looking absolutely adorable with her blonde hair in French braids, and in a cute mint-colored dress. The priest fixed me with his old eyes and motioned at the cushion. I picked up the ring.

When Clifford said yes, loud and clear, I tensed, realizing it would be my turn next. I pushed the ring on his finger and cold settled in my bones. I avoided his eyes, not sure I could keep up the lie.

It was my turn and I watched with trepidation as Clifford picked up my ring from the cushion.

The priest nodded then fixed me with his gaze again.

“Will you Anna Cavallaro take Clifford Maximo Clark to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Clifford gave me a smile. It was nice. He was nice. He was also ambitious and intelligent. He was everything I should want. I swallowed. I should say yes.