Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(32)

“This looks really good, baby. It looks like there actually are quite a few you can apply to. I’m not sure it’ll be enough to attend Astor College, but I think it’ll be enough for community college. Maybe, if you really want to, you could transfer to Astor College at a later time. I’m not sure if it’s possible, but I wouldn’t rule it out.”

I turn my face toward his, my lips accidentally brushing over his jaw. Silas inhales sharply, his eyes finding mine. He’s so close that I could just tilt my face and kiss him. How would he respond if I did that?

Just a few weeks ago, he told me he’d been wanting to kiss me for far longer than I could’ve imagined, and I wonder if that’s still the case. Does he see me differently now, or does he still feel the same way about me?

“Alanna,” he whispers. Silas clears his throat and pulls away a little, disappointment hitting me hard. “Let’s see some of the essays you’ve drafted. Ideally, I really want you to apply for these tomorrow morning.”

I nod, and together we rework some of my essays. Silas is so patient as he points out what I should or shouldn’t include. He’s clearly exhausted, yet he’s taking his time with me.

I’m so worried that he’s going to get tired of me. I used to be the girl who understood his world, but wasn’t part of it. I allowed him to escape this shelter, and now I’m the person trapping him here.

“Promise me you’ll submit as many as you can tomorrow? Don’t even think of trying to find a part-time job before you do that, okay?”

I nod. “I promise.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs. “I’ll take you out on a date tomorrow evening, provided you finish up all of your applications.”

My head snaps up, and Silas chuckles as he gently brushes my hair out of my face, his hand lingering. The back of his fingers trail over my cheek, and my heart starts to race when he looks at me the way he did on my birthday. “Silly girl,” he whispers. “Stop overthinking, okay? Nothing has changed between us. You’re still my Ray, and you always will be. I know that being here is tough for you, but it’s a dream come true for me. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed speaking to you before bed?”

Silas pushes against my shoulder, and I fall back on his bed. “I’ve imagined this, Alanna. Your long hair spread all over my pillows just like that. I still want everything I told you I wanted. The way I see you hasn’t changed in the slightest. If anything, I just adore you even more. The strength and resilience you’ve shown me inspires and astounds me. I thought you were amazing before, but this? There aren’t many people who would handle everything you’ve been through with as much grace as you have. How many people would pay outstanding wages of employees when they have absolutely no obligation to do so? Alanna, in my eyes, you’ve only become more beautiful.”

“Then why… why…”

He smiles at me and turns to lean over me, his body hovering on top of mine. “Why what, baby? What is it you want?”

My cheeks flush, and I tear my gaze away from his.

“Look at me, Ray,” he pleads, his voice soft.

I give in, my eyes finding his. “I once told you that it’s when you’re at your weakest that people are most likely to take advantage of you. Do you remember that?”

I nod, my heart thumping loudly. He’s so close, and I’m so tempted to pull him fully on top of me. I get what he’s saying, but it’s different for us. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me,” I promise him. “You’d just be keeping a silent promise you made me on my birthday.”

He smirks and drops his forehead to mine, his breathing uneven. “You make a compelling argument.”

“Then don’t keep me waiting,” I whisper.

Silas pulls away a little before pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead. “Go to bed, baby girl. Let me take you on a date tomorrow. I know how important firsts are to you, so let me do this right, okay? I want you to remember our first kiss for the rest of our lives, so let me make it special.”

Silas pulls away, and I watch him as he runs a hand through his hair, his expression tormented. I can’t help but chuckle at the sight of him. He wants this as much as I do, yet he insists on doing it right. If I could fall any deeper in love with him, I would.





Chapter Twenty





Alanna



I grin as I send off my last scholarship application moments before Silas walks into the bedroom. “Perfect timing,” I murmur, grinning at him.

He closes the door and leans back against it, his gaze filled with barely suppressed need. The last couple of days have been bittersweet. My thoughts keep drifting back to Dad, and each time, my heart stings with fresh pain. But then I think of Silas, and the way he’s helping me, the way he holds me at night, and some of the bitterness fades away.

I should have relied on him from the very start. I never should have pushed him away. The couple of days have proven to me that the way he sees me truly hasn’t changed at all. If anything, the divide between us seems much smaller. He seems more comfortable with me, more open.

“You sent all of them out?”

I nod. “Every single one of them.”

“Well, well, well… who would’ve known you’d be that desperate for a date with me, Ray?”