Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(30)
Hot tears fill my eyes, and though I try to blink them away angrily, they run down my cheeks nonetheless. I can’t look at Silas, scared of the disgust or horror I might see in his eyes. What my father did was horrible, yet I can’t be mad at him, not truly.
Silas pulls me closer, wrapping me in a tight embrace, and I fall apart in his strong arms. Loud, painful sobs tear through my throat as I burst into tears. “I… I don’t k-know what to do,” I sob, my entire body shaking with the force of my grief.
Silas tightens his grip on me and buries one hand in my hair, pressing my face deeper into his neck as he holds me tightly. “Ray,” he whispers, his voice sounding as broken as mine. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? You’re going to be okay.”
He strokes my back soothingly, keeping the broken pieces of me together as I fall apart in his arms. “I won’t,” I whisper. “I won’t ever be okay again.”
He squeezes me tightly and shakes his head. “One step at a time, my love. We’re going to move forward one step at a time, until someday, you look back in surprise at how far you’ve come. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. You and I, Alanna. We’re going to make it. We’re going to defy the odds.” He tightens his grip on my hair and pulls away a little to look at me. “You might feel like you’re all alone, and like you’ve lost everything, but you haven’t, Alanna. You’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I look into his eyes, taking in the fierce determination, the affection, and a tiny fraction of my broken heart starts to beat again.
“I promise, Alanna. We’ll get through this together, okay?”
I nod. Silas is the last person I wanted to burden with my problems, but he’s the one person I need most. I just hope I don’t drag him down with me.
Chapter Eighteen
Silas
I lean against the doorway as I watch Alanna wash a huge stack of dishes. She’s been trying to make herself useful all morning, a hint of discomfort and fear in her demeanor. I know exactly how she feels. I still remember how I felt when I lost the sense of safety and comfort a home gives you.
“Alanna.”
She turns around and turns off the tap before pulling her gloves off. “Silas?”
“Follow me.”
She freezes and nods slowly as she walks toward me. Ricardo tasked me with Alanna’s intake process, and part of that includes discussing her future with her. We require all of our long-term residents to have a feasible plan to get back on their feet, so whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to ask Alanna what exactly happened, and how she’s going to escape this place. I hate having to ask this of her, because it’s clear she’s not ready to talk, but I have no choice. Ricardo won’t allow her to stay another night if she doesn’t comply with our terms.
I close the door to our small office behind her and gesture toward the seat opposite the desk Ricardo and I share. She seems nervous, and I can’t shake the dread I feel as I take my seat.
“Si,” she murmurs. “I know what you need to ask me, and it’s okay. I’ll tell you everything.”
I exhale in relief and sit back as she gathers her courage. Alanna knows our procedures as well as I do, and I’m grateful for it.
My heart breaks as she tells me about everything she tried to keep from me. The insurance company, the debt, the eviction notices, the repossession of her house and the sale of her father’s beloved truck. She’s been through so much in the last couple of weeks, and she did it all alone.
I clench my fist underneath the desk, my heart aching for her even as a strange sense of anger washes over me. Why didn’t she rely on me? Does she truly see me as someone so useless that she didn’t even consider asking me to stand by her as her entire life fell apart?
“I have to ask you how you’re going to get out of this, Alanna. I can let you stay in my room for as long as you need to, but I can’t share any of the shelter’s resources with you long-term without proper registration.”
She nods and looks away. “I came to an agreement with the insurance company, so I no longer owe them anything, but I also have nothing left to my name. I’ll start looking for jobs today. I’m pretty sure I saw a job listing at the supermarket near here recently.”
I shake my head. “That isn’t a long-term plan, Alanna. You had an offer from Astor College, didn’t you?”
She nods and looks down at her lap. “I did, but I can no longer afford to attend. I’m no longer eligible for any loans because of the debt I incurred, and I didn’t have any scholarships.”
“If nothing else, you should attend community college, Alanna. We’ll start looking into scholarships and loans tonight, okay? You can get a part-time job if you want, but you can’t just give up on college entirely.”
She nods, even though she looks hesitant. “Come on,” I tell her as I rise to my feet. “I’ll lend you the laptop Ricardo got me for college. Start looking into the options, and we’ll discuss them once I get off work. How about that?”
Alanna looks up at me, her expression forlorn. I can tell she’s trying her hardest to keep it together, and I’m so proud of the strength she’s portrayed so far.