Between Hello and Goodbye(82)

Chapter Twenty-Three



A knock came at my office door and Terrance peaked his head in.

“Heya. Busy?”

I looked up from the pile of work on my desk, the mountain I was climbing instead of thinking about Asher. Of course, that was impossible, but a gal could try.

I could also try jumping to the moon on a pogo stick and have the same result.

I smiled. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know that the Red Bull people are extraordinarily happy with your work. And so are we. Cynthia sends her kudos.”

My smile thinned out. “I’m so glad.”

Terry frowned and he stepped in the office. “Can I sit for a minute?”

“Be my guest.”

He took a seat in the chair opposite my desk and sighed, studying me. “How are you, Faith? And please don’t insult me with some bullshit. I’d like to hear the truth.”

“I don’t know how to answer that,” I said. “I’m doing my best? Hanging in there?”

He nodded. “I’m not your boss anymore; I’m your business partner. And hopefully, your friend.”

“Of course.”

“On that note, if you need anything, I want you to come to me as a friend and as a business partner. Do you understand what I’m saying? If you have any requests, or plans, or ideas, come to me. Okay?”

My smile was so forced it made my cheeks ache. “If you’re worried about me skipping town and going to Hawaii, you don’t have to. It’s not going to happen.”

“No? You’ve been back and forth so often, I wondered if…”

“No, it’s over,” I said, the words stabbing me in the chest. “He has a lot to deal with there and I have work here and it’s… It’s what he wants.”

“And what do you want?”

I blinked. I didn’t dare let myself ask that question because I was both terrified and exhilarated by the answer…and then overwhelmed with hopelessness. Because no matter what I was willing to do—wanted to do—Asher didn’t want me in his life.

When I didn’t answer, Terrance started to speak but his phone buzzed a text. “Shit. I have to handle this.” He smiled and stood up. “I’m just saying, let’s not lock any doors, okay?”

Keep them unlocked so my firefighter can barge in.

Terrance stepped out and I brushed away the tears that burned my eyes. They tried to flood out of me ten times an hour, but I couldn’t let them. It was too scary to dive into that pit of pain and let it have me. No, I had to keep moving. Because life went on, whether you were ready or not.

At lunchtime, I met Viv at our favorite Italian restaurant, Altura. She came breezing in ten minutes late in a cloud of Chanel No. 5 and a bundle of shopping bags on her shoulder.

“Oh my God, the traffic on Belmont was ridiculous.” Viv slumped gracefully in the booth and ordered a martini from the waiter who appeared a moment later.

“Just water for now,” I told him.

The waiter left and Viv narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you on some sort of cleanse you haven’t told me about?”

“I have a pile of work waiting for me when I get back. Need to keep a clear head.”

She pursed her lips. “That never stopped you before. You look tired, babe. And sad. You’re not still crying over that fireman, are you? Girl, he dumped you. Twice.”

Instantly, I regretted telling Viv the whole sordid story a few weeks ago. But the loneliness was crushing me, and Silas had been out of town on business for what felt like years.

“It’s more complicated than that,” I said.

“Probably for the best, anyway. Can you really see yourself on that tiny little island? With a kid who’s not even yours? I’m sorry to sound like a bitch but I know you don’t want any part of that.”

“I love him,” I said simply, and I realized with some surprise I could have been talking about Asher or Kal. The sweet little boy had snuck into my heart through the same door Asher had busted open.

Viv perused the menu. “I love my Louboutins but I’m not going to give up my entire lifestyle for them when there’s a galaxy of other shoes to choose from. And from what you’ve told me, he sounds like a major asshole.”

“He’s not. He’s in pain.”

God, so much pain. And he’s dealing with it alone.

Viv snorted. “So he takes it out on you?”

I toyed with my fork. “I think maybe he was pushing me away. Trying to protect me. That’s what he does.” Then I remembered the anger in Asher’s eyes and his cutting tone when he told me I didn’t belong in Hawaii. “Or maybe he meant it. He was upset that he was here with me and not there with his brother.”

She scoffed. “Like that’s your fault.”

“It’s not my fault but it’s what happened.”

Viv let the menu fall flat. “You’d move to Hawaii for him out of guilt?”

Not guilt. Love. Love would take me to him.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, the ache in my heart like a permanent fixture. “He’s not speaking to me, and I have to let him go.”

“Give it time. You’ll get back into the swing of things.” Viv’s eyes widened. “Hey, what about that Jack guy we keep running into? He’s hot, mega-rich, and he seemed really into you. Doesn’t get better than that.”