Between Hello and Goodbye(81)

I entered the house to find him playing video games and Chloe sitting at the kitchen table.

She smiled warmly. “I made you guys some more poblano fried rice. It’s in the fridge. Just pop it in the oven at 350 for twenty minutes to heat it back up.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate it and I appreciate you taking care of Kal for the next four days. You need to let me pay you.”

“Absolutely not,” she said. “I’m happy to do it.”

I smiled thinly. It was all I had in me to give.

She studied me. “You look so tired. Have you been sleeping at all?”

“Not really.”

But that was okay, because lying down to try to fall asleep was when the thoughts came. I had to stay up as late as humanly possible and then pass out only to have my alarm go off what felt like minutes later. Sometimes it was.

“I’m fine,” I added when Chloe frowned, concerned.

“I just don’t want you to hesitate to call me if you need anything,” she said, and then her eyes filled. “Nalani and Morgan were special. Not just the parents of my favorite student but good friends too.”

I nodded mutely. The grief in me was like a giant black hole, sucking in everything it touched. It was hard for me to imagine that other people were hurting too but there was nothing I could do for them. I had nothing in the tank and what little there was belonged to Kal.

“You’ll eventually have to go back to working twenty-four-hour shifts, won’t you?”

“Eventually.”

“So I have an idea,” Chloe said, glancing down at the island counter. “What if I moved in?”

I froze in the act of pouring us each a glass of water. “What?”

“I’d sleep in a spare room,” she added quickly. “That way, I could always be here for Kal. And for you.” She put her hand on my arm. “You need someone to take care of you, Asher. To take some of the stress off. I want to be here for you. All the time—”

“No,” I said harder than I intended, yanking away from her touch. “No, thanks, Chloe. Picking Kal up from school and hanging out with him all the time is plenty. I can’t ask you to do more.”

“You don’t have to ask.” Her smile was a peculiar mix of shyness and boldness. “Think about it?” She reached out to touch my hand again. “See you tomorrow.”

I watched her go and rubbed my tired eyes. She was right. I’d said I’d have to go back to twenty-fours eventually but eventually was actually soon. Captain Reyes was giving me as much leeway as he could, but we were shorthanded, having lost two more guys who couldn’t hack living on Kauai. They thought a job in Hawaii was all about living in paradise until they realized how remote the smallest island really was.

Which is why I did the right thing with Faith.

Except it didn’t feel right, but how would I know? I was a fucking mess.

My exhaustion unhelpfully conjured a woman living in my house, being there when Kal came home from school, someone watching over him while I worked my twenty-fours. Someone to come home to. Someone in my bed…

I snapped out of it. Faith wasn’t cut out for island life and didn’t deserve to play housemaid to a broken wreck of a man and his lost nephew.

I picked up my phone and shot a text to Silas Marsh.

Did you tell her about the ring?

The reply came fast. I haven’t said anything. Been away on business. Wondered where things stood.

My thumbs flew. Don’t tell her.

Don’t shut her out, he countered. I figure right now you’re doing what you have to do to survive but don’t shut her out. Please.

I closed my eyes and inhaled a steadying breath. Keep it between us. If you have any respect for me at all, you will do that for me.

The rolling dots of another text popped up, but I shot off one first.

Thanks for everything Silas, I wrote and then put my phone on mute and joined Kal at the TV.

“Is Miss Barnes going to live with us?” Kal asked, his eyes on the video game.

“No.” I glanced at him. “Why? You want her to?”

He shrugged. “You could marry her instead of Faith.”

I flinched as if he’d socked me in the chest. “What…why would you say that?”

“Because you’re alone, Uncle Ash. And sad.”

“I’m sad about your mom and dad.”

“And Faith because she’s not here?”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah. I’m sad about that too.”

“She doesn’t want to live here?”

“I don’t think so, buddy. It’s not for everyone.”

A sudden thought jolted him, and he looked at me with wide, fearful eyes. “Do we have to move to Seattle?”

“Nope. We’re staying here.”

“Oh, because Daddy said…” Kaleo got choked up but composed himself with more gravitas than I thought an eight-year-old possessed. “Daddy said you were going to move to Seattle and marry Faith.”

“Yeah, well that’s not going to happen anymore. You don’t have to worry about that, okay?”

“Okay.”

And then he leaned his head on my shoulder and played his game while the tears dried on his cheeks .