Between Hello and Goodbye(85)

Asher was going to propose to me. He wants to marry me.

“Wanted to marry me,” I muttered, tears stinging my eyes. “Past tense. Now it’s all ruined.”

“Nothing’s ruined, Faith.” Silas sat down beside me, the ring box in his hand. “Hey. Did you hear me? Nothing’s ruined. It’s just…terrible timing. The worst ever.”

“He doesn’t want to see me, Si,” I cried. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I beg to differ.” Silas held up the box. “Exhibit A.”

“That was before. Now it’s too late.”

Silas pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around my shaking shoulders. “It’s not.”

“How can you keep saying that? You don’t know…” I lifted my head and studied his face through my tears. “Wait. You didn’t seem all that surprised to see that box. How do you know what’s in it?”

“Because I’ve seen it before.”

I jerked away. “You what?”

Silas blew out a sigh, cheeks puffing, and ran a hand through his golden hair. “Asher came to me a few days before your awards ceremony.”

“When you two arranged to swap places.”

He nodded. “He was going to ask you to marry him, and he wanted my blessing.”

“Your blessing? Why?”

“I don’t know. Since your dad is MIA, I guess Asher figured I was the next best thing.” Silas’s expression turned grave. “He was going to move to Seattle. For you.”

I stared, the implications sinking deeper, rooting me to the couch. “He…he was?”

“I hate telling you like this. It was all going to be so fucking perfect until he got that call.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He asked me not to. He was grieving and I felt I should honor his wishes and not interfere. And then I got called to DC and was wrapped up in the Congressional hearings…”

“A likely story,” I sniffed.

Silas smiled but it faded fast. “But I didn’t like keeping it from you. I just didn’t know what my place was in all this. But in D.C. my silence kept eating at me. My place is being your friend. I guess a part of me thought once the worst pain let go of him, he’d come around. I didn’t want to spoil that. But he hasn’t—yet—and I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

“It’s okay. It’s all such a mess, I can’t blame you.” I glanced at him tearfully. “Was he really going to give up his life? For me?”

Silas turned the ring box over and over in his hand. “I think it’s more that you are his life, Faith. He’s only going to be truly happy wherever you are. But his nephew needs him now and he can’t make the same kind of move. That little boy’s life has been upheaved in the worst way, and his well-being needs to come first.”

“It does,” I said, fresh tears for what Kaleo had lost rushing to my eyes. “Asher will protect him. Because that’s what he does. He protects people. It’s in his DNA.”

“Including you.” Silas touched my hand. “Look, I was an expert at pushing people away for a lot of years, thinking it was better for them. I recognize the move when I see it. Asher drove you away because he thinks that’s best for you. To protect you from having to give up your life for him. That’s it. No other reason.”

“He told me…” Tears choked my throat. “He told me I don’t belong in Hawaii. That I’m too spoiled and materialistic and…”

“Ah yes, the old break-their-heart-so-they-hate-you-and-move-on-faster maneuver. Oldest trick in the book.”

“I don’t know, Si. It felt pretty real.”

“I can imagine. But you didn’t see the man come to me with this box in his hand. Nervous as hell. More than nervous. I’ve never seen him so…vulnerable?” He made a face. “Ugh, I hate that word. Don’t tell Max I used it, or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

A laugh tried to burst through my tears. “I’m trying to picture my big, strong firefighter being nervous about anything.”

“He was a mess,” Silas said. “But I don’t blame him. There was a lot on the line. You, babe. You’re pretty damn important.”

I sat back, absorbing everything. “What do I do now?”

Silas shot me a look. “Do you really have to ask?”

I stared another moment, feeling everything inside me alter and shift around, making space, making adjustments…falling into perfect place. My chest felt warm and full—fuller than it ever had—and twanged with electric nerves. With excitement, fear of the unknown, and more than anything else, my own vulnerability, naked and raw.

“I’ve never felt this way before. Not for any man.” I huffed a breath. “I don’t like it.”

Silas laughed. “Yes, you do. You love it. You love him.”

“No, I don’t,” I said and continued before Silas’s shocked reaction could take hold. “I’m completely, madly, hopelessly in love with him. And even saying that doesn’t feel like enough.”

The word aloha flitted across my thoughts.

“Hello. Goodbye.” Momi shook her head. “There is no equivalent in English that captures such profound emotion.”