Between Hello and Goodbye(79)

“Go home? No, I don’t have to. I’ll stay as long as you need me.” I swallowed hard. “I’ll stay f—”

“No,” Asher said, and the ice in his voice cut through me like a knife, making me shiver. “You need to leave.”

“Asher…I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”

His dark gaze was on the horizon in front of him. “Not you. Me. I shouldn’t have left. I should never have…” His jaw clenched; muscles ticked in his cheek. “Go home, Faith. Go back to your home.”

Tears filled my eyes. “Asher, I—”

“Can’t you hear me?” he thundered, whirling on me so suddenly, I took a step back.

The house was filled with people, ready to leave for the marina and the memorial service. My cheeks burned hot, and my heart felt like it was ripping in half when it was already cracked for Morgan and Nalani.

“Go back to Seattle, Faith,” Asher said. “You need your shopping and your fancy lunches and your pampered lifestyle, and this little island isn’t it. You can’t cut it and you know it.”

“That’s not…that’s not fair,” I breathed. “I…”

He barreled on as if he hadn’t heard me. “You don’t belong here. And I don’t belong there. I should’ve been here. With him. I promised to always protect him. I promised…”

His voice wavered but he sucked in a breath, like sucking the pain back in before it could break free. He blamed himself. Because of course he did. He was a protector who thought he failed.

“Asher, don’t do that,” I said, my voice trembling. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have—”

“Don’t tell me what I could or couldn’t have done,” he snarled. “Because we’ll never fucking know, will we?”

I recoiled from the accusation imbedded in those words. But pain and grief raged over his face like a storm. He held my gaze and I saw the cracks in his armor where the love tried to seep out.

“You don’t have to do this,” I said softly. “I can do whatever you need or…be wherever you need me to be. I love y—”

“I need you to leave,” he said. “That’s what I need.”

I stumbled back a step, the finality in those words cutting me to the core.

“O-okay,” I whispered. “If that’s what you want.”

He said nothing but resumed his vigilance over the ocean, arms crossed, closed off to me. Like a locked door.

Feeling as if I were drugged—half out of my body—I turned and walked across the lawn and up the lanai steps. Momi was in her chair, and she reached out a frail hand.

“Faith…don’t.”

I stopped and knelt beside her. “I have to. It’s what he needs, and I can’t…” Tears choked my throat and I swallowed them down. “When he looks at me, he sees himself in Seattle and not here. I can’t add to his pain when he already has so much. I can’t do that.”

“He doesn’t know what he needs,” Momi said, her own eyes shining. “It’s too new, too raw. Time… That’s the healing we all need. He just needs a little time…”

I shook my head. “I have to respect his wishes.”

She nodded, eyes on the figure in the yard, staring down at the ocean. “I understand. The only way I make sense out of the insensible is to feel there must be a larger picture waiting to reveal itself to me. But I can’t see it yet. Not yet.” She held me in her bird-like arms. “Aloha, Faith.”

“Aloha, Momi. If you need anything, you can call me. Any time.”

Empty words. I would be so far away. From her, from Kal, from Asher…

I kissed her cheek and then hurried into the house, past Chloe Barnes and Captain Reyes and firefighters and friends and Paula; everyone waiting for the departure to the marina. I slipped by before anyone could stop me, grabbing my purse on the way out.

I had nothing with me when I arrived and now, I was leaving with nothing. Less than nothing, because now I didn’t have Asher.



At my condo, I opened the door and stepped into the wreckage of that terrible phone call. My living room was strewn with my work for the Red Bull ad. Asher’s suit jacket and tie were still in a crumpled heap on the floor. It was like walking into a crime scene.

I left it all and took a long, hot shower, then climbed into bed. I expected tears—for Asher and Morgan and Nalani. For sweet little Kaleo. For my own broken heart. But I fell immediately into sleep, diving into the merciful black.

The following morning, I made a pot of strong coffee and faced the messages on my phone. Missed calls from Silas and Terrance. One voice message from Cynthia wanting to know if I had the specs for Red Bull. But for a brief call with Terry in Hawaii to explain why I wasn’t there to pick up my Clio, I hadn’t checked in with work.

I texted him now. I’m back in Seattle.

How are you? he returned.

The simple question nearly undid me and there was no way to answer it.

I’m okay. Will be back in the office this afternoon.

Take your time. There’s no rush.

But there was. I couldn’t sit around in my condo by myself for much longer.

See you soon, I sent.