Before I Let Go (Skyland #1)(15)

I imagined that my own were his. I envisioned the things he would say, the words he would whisper while I fell apart under his touch.

Evren didn’t need to lift a finger to cause my demise. It was his wicked tongue that would do me in.

I was haunted by the things he had said before he left my room only a couple days before, words that had tortured me ever since. I forced my eyes open, staring at myself and the way my hand was slowly snaking up my thighs.

I tried to imagine what Evren saw when he looked at me. If he were here now, what would he do? What would he demand of me?

My heart hammered in my chest, and I pressed my hand at the apex of my thighs as an ache began deep within me.

I stared into my eyes for a long moment, the two colors as at war with one another as the thoughts that were racing through my mind. I moved away from the mirror and pressed my fingers against the side of the large tub. The copper was warm from the water that waited inside, and I slowly dipped my toes in before sinking under fully.

The heat of the water caressed my skin, teasing me with memories of my mate doing the same, and I pressed my head back against the edge of the tub. I tried to think of anything. Of my mother, what Queen Kaida would do, of what my future held, but every thought slipped back to him effortlessly

So, I sank deeper into the water, and I allowed myself to think of nothing else.

Shame filled me as my fingers skated over my skin and down my stomach. I clamped my eyes closed and let myself to imagine that the magic-stained fingers that now touched me were his instead of my own.

My fingers trembled as I pushed them lower and slid two fingers through my sex. As soon as I touched my small aching nub, my stomach clenched in pleasure and a whimper passed through my lips.

Evren would have swallowed the sound with his mouth. He would have demanded that I give him more, that I begged him for what I wanted, and I knew that I would have given it to him.

If he was before me now, I would have given him anything he wanted to make him destroy this ache that constantly lived inside of me when I thought of him.

I slowly rolled my fingers over my nub, and I could feel the rise of pleasure building inside of me. I was so on edge that it didn’t take long. A few strokes of my fingers and constant thoughts of Evren were all I needed, and I found myself gripping the edge of the tub with my other hand as I pressed my head back and bit down on my bottom lip.

I thought of him and nothing else, and for a moment, it was as if I could feel his magic floating against my skin, caressing me and coaxing my pleasure from my body. I focused on that feeling and chased it with my own fingers against my sex, and I couldn’t stop myself as I cried out his name.

My pleasure had become his and his alone, and my body knew it even when he wasn’t there to command it.

My release hit me, and I clamped my legs down around my hand as it became too much.

I opened my eyes and gasped at the black magic that filled the room. My magic. I hadn’t even realized that I had allowed it to come to surface let alone slip through my fingers that were far too busy chasing thoughts of my mate to notice my own power.

My fingers trembled as I watched the magic move around me, and I took a deep breath and sank beneath the water. I counted slowly, but it didn’t matter how long I managed to stay beneath the surface. Shame ran through me, chasing away the aftershocks of my pleasure.





CHAPTER 6





I wrapped the thick towel around my body and did my best to wring out my hair. My body was exhausted, my mind as well, and I wanted nothing more than to climb into my bed and sleep away the rest of the afternoon.

I wanted to sleep away the plague of thoughts about what I had just done.

I pulled the washroom door open, steam escaping with me, and I stopped short when Evren lifted his head to look at me.

He was sitting on my bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. He had dark circles under his eyes, his exhaustion making itself known, but I tried to not let my worry for him fester inside of me. I reminded myself of who he was, of what he was, and of the consequences his role had played in my life. It was the only way to protect myself, to protect my heart. I held on to my anger and fear as I imagined him sitting here in my room while I was on the other side of that door using my own fingers while thinking of him, of this man I should have feared above all else.

Oh gods. Had he heard me?

“What are you doing in here?” I looked back to the door, but it was fully shut, sealing the two of us off from everyone else.

“What would you have me do?” He ran his hands through his hair before letting them fall between his thighs.

“What?” I tightened my hold on my towel.

“You won’t leave this room. Mina says that you refuse to let anyone in. Gods know you don’t want me in here.” He glared up at me in frustration. “What. Would. You. Have. Me. Do?” Every word was a clear demand for answers.

“Let me go.”

“You are no prisoner here, princess, but I refuse to allow them to have you again. I cannot bear to watch my brother take from you against your will.”

“Like you?” I snapped.

“You begged me.”

“That was when I thought—”

“Thought what, princess?” he interrupted me before I could even form my thoughts. “That we were mates? You may hate me right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are my mate.”