Before I Let Go (Skyland #1)(14)

“I’m starting to think you’re trying to fatten me up for slaughter.” I laughed before looking back out the window.

“Well, right now you wouldn’t be very tasty. You’re nothing more than skin and bones.”

Mina set my tray on the small desk before moving to look out the window at my side. “Why don’t you get out of this room and go outside? Instead of trying to imagine what it’d be like from this dusty window.”

“I’m okay.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to leave the room because leaving these four walls meant that I had to face what was outside. I had to face the truth that Evren was leaving whether I wanted him to or not.

I had to face the fact that my bones ached with the desperation for him not to.

“Evren’s been by again. He wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to see him.” Gods, I was desperate to see him, to feel him.

“I told him as such, but I don’t think I can keep him away for much longer. That boy is as stubborn as you are.”

“I’m not stubborn.” I pulled my gaze from the window to look at her and took a long sip of my tea.

“And my tits don’t touch my belly button.”

My tea spewed from my mouth, and I sputtered at her words.

She simply grinned. “We can both lie to ourselves, but that doesn’t make the truth any less real.”

“Fine.” I wiped my tea from my chin and set my cup down on the ledge. “I am stubborn, but I still don’t want to see him. I know that you love your prince, but he used me. He tricked me and used me…”

“And I’d say he’d probably do it again if given the chance.”

I snapped my mouth shut as she moved back to my tray and uncovered my food.

“What he did was get you out of the Fae Court. I think you know what they would have done to you there. Did you get a look at Thalia when you arrived? You would’ve been worse. So much worse.”

I didn’t say a word because I didn’t know what to say. Thoughts of Thalia had flooded my mind since Evren left my room. Jealous, cruel thoughts.

Mina’s words confused me. Of course, she was right about Evren getting me out of Gavril’s hands, but what she said about Thalia? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

“What do you mean about Thalia? What happened to her?”

Mina wiped her hands down her apron. “You should ask Evren or Thalia about that.” She glanced toward the doorway, and I hated that there was something she wasn’t telling me. But her loyalty didn’t lie with me.

“Do you care to run me a bath?” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked back out the window. “I’d like to clear my head.”

“Of course.” Mina nodded and pressed her hand to her mouth as her gaze bored into me.

She turned and walked away, and I could sense her magic just as the water began to run in the bath chamber. I looked down at the stewed meat and bread she had brought in, and I sat down before it and forced myself to eat.

The food was as delicious as it had been since I arrived, and I stuffed bite after bite in my mouth as the words Mina had said rolled through my mind.

The smell of whatever oils Mina dropped into the bath coated my room, and I relaxed almost instantly.

Evren had brought me here. He had tricked me into thinking we were something that we aren’t, but I couldn’t deny the fact that for the first time in a long time, I felt safer than I had in years.

I was supposed to be in a place that I had been taught to fear my entire life, yet I felt safe.

“It’s ready for you.” Mina wiped her hands on her long cream skirts before pushing her hair out of her face.

“Thank you, and thank you for lunch.” I nodded down to my empty plate. “It was delicious.”

“You’re welcome, child. Now I have other things to tend to, so get in that bath and clear your head.”

I smiled despite her gruff, demanding tone. I liked Mina. A lot. She was everything I had wished my own mother to be—kind and caring.

She was so many things that my mother wasn’t.

“Yes, ma’am.” I shoved the last bite of bread I still held into my mouth as I passed her, and she pulled the door closed behind me.

I tugged the shirt over my head before slowly lowering my trousers, and I stared at myself in the long, gilded mirror that sat in the corner of the room. Steam was clinging to its surface, but I could still see the scars that littered my body.

Rage consumed me as I was flooded with the memories of who had given them to me. Their venom, malice, and thirst for power were scarred along my body so carelessly.

Scars that were now marked with Evren’s magic. He had branded me, more than just physically, and I ran my fingers over my thigh as I remembered what it had felt like to have him cover their marks on my skin with his own.

My body responded to my own touch, but nothing like the memory of him could evoke. Every time he touched me, I became engulfed with everything that he was. He made me overwhelmed. He had me clinging to desperation.

He reduced me to a woman who would beg him for anything he was willing to give me.

I pressed my fingers into my scar, his black magic and my own starlight mixing against my skin, and I took in a shuddering breath as I slammed my eyes shut. His touch had been firm where mine was soft, his hands always so sure and skilled.