What Doesn't Destroy Us (The Devil's Dust #1)(66)

“Lust like a saint, trust like a sinner,” he chants as he puts the vehicle in reverse. My door opens abruptly with Shadow holding my suitcase and waiting impatiently for me to get out. I look at my dad one more time before climbing out, curious what the hell that last comment meant.

In the elevator, Shadow hits the button for the fourteenth floor. The ride is silent. He doesn’t even look at me; he just stares at the digital screen showing what floor we are passing. When we finally make it to Shadow's apartment, it is a typical bachelor's pad. To the left of the entrance is a brown leather couch and matching recliner with a huge, bulky coffee table between them. On the far wall is a large flat screen TV littered with game consoles and games.

If you walk straight, there is a small kitchen with stainless steel appliances and an island with barstools to separate the living room from the kitchen. To the right of the living room are double glass doors that lead out to a patio. I will be checking that out later. To the left of the living room is a guest bathroom and two bedrooms, both with their own private bathrooms. The apartment is littered with pizza boxes, fast food bags, beer bottles, soda cans, and dirty clothes. I walk into the kitchen to get a feel for the apartment and see a condom sticking out of the overflowing trash can. I look at Shadow in disgust, my mouth gaping open at the thought. So much for me being his and him being mine. I can feel my skin flush with anger as Shadow rounds the bar and sees what I am staring at.

Shadow looks at me and cocks his brow, daring me to ask him.

“Goddamn, my arm hurts,” Bobby’s voice interrupts as he enters the front door. Not aware of the war developing in the kitchen, he walks toward us with a smile.

“Oh, hey. Welcome to our humble abode,” Bobby show tunes, sweeping his arm around like a game show host.

Wait, does he live here, too? Bobby and Shadow are roommates? Maybe that’s how Shadow can afford such a beautiful apartment; they split rent.

Bobby looks down at the trash can that both Shadow and I are staring at. “Oh, sorry about that; been meaning to take out the trash. It’s going to be different having you live with us, Firefly.” Bobby pushes the trash down to hide the used condom.

“Yeah, looks like I’m not the only one with trust issues.” Shadow shakes his head and walks down the hall.

“Shit!” I mumble under my breath.

“You, ah, you guys okay?” Bobby asks, leaning up against the island.

I shrug and walk to the balcony; I can use some air. Truth is, Shadow and I are far from okay. I can feel him getting farther and farther away from me and it’s killing me from the inside out, starting with my heart. As soon as I open the double doors, the salt air hits my nostrils like a freight train. The building is so tall, you can see the ocean. On the deck sits two sun loungers; I can easily curl up with a good book and get my tan on. If Shadow keeps acting the way he is, I will be out here a lot, I’m sure of it.

“Yeah, the bitches love the scene,” Bobby says, walking up behind me.

“The bitches?” I ask, laughing.

Bobby nods with a boyish grin.

“I can see you two are having problems,” Bobby declares as he takes a swig from his beer.

I ignore the accusation and stare out at the ocean.

“He’s different, Firefly. I don't know what is going on between you two, but know this: I have never seen him the way he is with you, especially when his f*cking mom took you. He f*cking lost his shit.“ He looks at me with focused eyes. “That has to count for something, right? Don’t let him push you away.” He drinks the last sip from his beer before turning toward the doors. “Even if his ass doesn’t deserve you.”

His words sink deep, confirming my belief of why Shadow is acting the way he is. I make him feel hopeless and weak; hell, I make him feel, period. Now to make sure he never hurts like that again or loses control. Can I take the push and push back, am I strong enough?

Shadow ignores me for the rest of the day. He plays video games with Bobby, asking me to get him a beer or make him a sandwich here and there. To pass the time, I wash the dishes, take out the trash and pick up the dirty clothes. The balcony doors have been open to let the place air out. It looks great, but my ribs are hurting to the max. I sit down on one of the sun loungers, exhausted from all the hard work. My ribs are pushing my pain level past bearable and my head starts to throb. I am in need of a break.

“Dani!” Shadow yells, laughing at Bobby about something. “Get me another beer!” He's still playing that f*cking video game. I bite my bottom lip and don’t budge; who does he think he is.

“Dani!” Shadow yells again. His voice grates on my nerves, my anger begins to seethe through my pores.

“Dude, go get it yourself. What the f*ck?” Bobby sneers, his voice lowered in an attempted whisper so I won't hear.

“Dani!” Shadow yells again, ignoring Bobby.

“Goddamn it,” he curses and stomps all the way to the balcony doors; his eyes like daggers at the back of my head.

“Did you hear me yelling for your ass to get me a beer?” Shadow asks, pissed off I didn’t jump at his beck and call.

I turn my head and glare at him. I don’t mind getting him a beer, but he could, at least, ask nicely. If he is trying to push me away, treating me like this is a great way to do it.

“Go get it your damn self,” I snap back, returning my gaze to the ocean view. It is beautiful with hues of purple and pink as the sun goes down.