What Doesn't Destroy Us (The Devil's Dust #1)(67)

Shadow grabs my chin and yanks my vision from the ocean.

Staring into his icy, blue eyes, his soul renders me speechless. It shows anger, lust, confusion and darkness. He is angry and I don’t know why. I have given him everything I possibly can, including my heart, and he still is not happy. I’m exhausted in so many ways; my heart is literally shattering.

Shadow turns and walks away, leaving me on the sun lounger to watch the sunset by myself. I feel my heart crash and burn. My chest feels like it is on fire and I gasp for air. I hate the effect he is having on me. I have to be stronger than this and push back if I want to keep him. Prove to him I'm not going anywhere. Can’t he see that he makes me feel, too; that he takes the control I need away, as well?

At midnight I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. “Hey, I’m going to bed, you coming?” I ask Shadow, who is still playing video games. He doesn’t even acknowledge me; just keeps his eyes on the screen. That’s all he’s done all day, even through dinner.

When I open the door to Shadow's bedroom, it is very masculine. The bed has black sheets with a black, gray and white comforter and is covered in fluffy pillows. I came in here earlier to grab dirty clothes and beer bottles, but I didn’t stop long enough to really appreciate the room. There is a huge floor-to-ceiling window that looks out over the city and there are black sheer curtains on each side. The dresser is black with a huge mirror. The room is sin in its own right. How can Shadow afford all this?

I go to the closet and pull down one of Shadow's white MC shirts; my black one got ruined by Candy. As I grab it off the hanger, a whoosh of air assaults my senses. It smells of Shadow. God, I miss him.

‘You don’t think just because you’re sweet and innocent that he cares about you, that you can tame him, do you? As soon as he’s done with you, he’ll come running back to me.’

Candy’s words fly at me like a bullet. I remember Shadow hiding in the closet as she verbally accosted me. The thought she might have been right makes my mouth go dry.

No, things are different between me and Shadow; I know it.

I put the shirt on and climb into the huge sleigh bed. It feels cold and lonely laying in it by myself.

The door across the hall slams, knocking me from my self-pity. Little school girl giggles and deep smooth laughter from Bobby muffle from the room next to me.

Then it goes quiet. Hmm, odd.

“Oh, Bobby, don’t stop!” a girl moans loudly. This cannot be happening.

I can hear her moaning incoherent things, and Bobby rutting like a beast. This is more awkward than I ever thought imaginable. Where is Shadow? I climb out of bed and pad my bare feet to the living room. Shadow is asleep on the couch with a blanket and pillow. I sigh loudly; looks like I will be sleeping alone tonight. I pad my way back to the bedroom; rejection and loneliness weighing on my heart.

I climb back into the bed; the moans from the other room becoming louder. I can feel their bed slamming against the wall. I can’t handle this anymore; I have more built up sexual tension than anyone right now. I climb off the bed and grab my iPod, maybe music will drown them out. I climb back in bed, place the headphones on my ears and fire it up. The first song that plays is “Is This Love” by Whitesnake; the song Shadow and I listened to the second time we made love.

I yank the headphones from my ears and throw the iPod to the end of the bed. As soon as the headphones leave my ears, Bobby and 'Moaning Chick' fill them with animalistic sex noises.

“Are you kidding me?” I yell, flopping onto my stomach and covering my head with as many pillows as my flailing hands can grab.

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I wake up to the sound of giggles from the next room. My head is still buried deep under a mound of pillows. I have no idea what time I finally fell asleep last night; Bobby and “Miss Moans-A-Lot” had me up all night. Every moan and growl coming from the next room made me think about climbing on Shadow and humping him into tomorrow.

I roll over on my back and look up at the ceiling. I don’t feel like getting up, or showering, or eating. I just want to lay here and stare at the ceiling. So I do; thoughtless and emotionless for at least a few hours.

My stomach yells and screams at me to get out of bed. Giving in, I climb out of bed and throw my hair up in a messy bun. I walk out of the room in just the big MC shirt and panties; maybe showing a little skin will bring Shadow around.

I walk into the living room and Shadow is sitting on a stool at the island. He looks sexy as hell in just a pair of gray sweatpants. He looks up from his bowl of cereal and his eyes go wide at my appearance.

I round the island to pour myself a bowl and spot Bobby whispering sweet nothings into a blond's ear. She throws her head back and laughs; her voice is familiar. She looks up at me and my breath is stolen from my lungs.

“Doc?” I think out loud.

“Oh, good morning, Dani. How are you feeling?” she asks, jumping straight into professional mode. I nod my head avoiding eye contact; a little embarrassed I heard her climax twice last night.

“Can you take me to the book store? I would like to buy a few books,” I ask Shadow, who is still looking at me like he wants to eat me.

He gains composure and goes back to his cereal.

“How long are we going to do this?” I ask him, pissed with the childish games he is playing. “I don’t think this has anything to do with me getting on the back of someone's bike; something I didn’t even know was a law. So, what is it?” I nearly yell, ready to drown his ass in his cereal bowl.