What Doesn't Destroy Us (The Devil's Dust #1)(33)

I knock on the door of the room my mother is staying in; I can hear her grumbling as she stomps over to the door.

“What!” she snaps, as she flings the door open. She looks like shit and that is putting it nicely.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, shocked to see me.

“There was a huge leak at the safe house; flooded the whole damn place,” I lie. It was the only thing I could think up. I stare down at my feet avoiding eye contact, my mother has always caught me when I've lied before, but I’m hoping her hangover wins over her asking me questions.

“So we‘re staying here?” She unsteadily walks back to her bed and climbs under the blankets.

“Yeah, for now, anyway.”

“Good, I want to be here.” My eyebrows shoot to my hairline in surprise. Why in the hell would she want to be here instead of the safe house? One thing is for sure; my mother is high maintenance and the club is anything but fancy and classy. That may be why I love it, I am pleased by simple rather than extravagant, but my mother is a different story. And after the phone call last night and my mother’s random behavior, I can't help but wonder what she’s up to. I’m going to be beyond pissed if she’s trying to patch things up with Stevin behind my back, especially after he tried to kill her... or so she says, anyway. Before I can ask she is falling back asleep.

Walking back to my room I see Candy coming down the hall to one of the guest bathrooms. She has on a white dress that is way too tight and very short, and her nipples are poking through the top. She is clearly not wearing a bra. I try to get over to my side of the hall as far as I can, if herpes can jump, they'll be throwing themselves off of her.

“Well, well, look what the dog dragged in,” she spits at me as she walks by. Her neck nearly snaps as she watches me. If I stop to argue with her, I will drop her ass to the ground. I can't stand her, and after learning who her mother is, I want to beat her ass that much more.

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My days are passing slowly and boredom is knocking loudly while Shadow is gone. I spent a lot of the first day talking to Babs. I can see why they call her that. She talks about everything from her dog to her arthritis, but she is, at least, someone to talk to. And Candy doesn't even look my way when I am around Babs; in fact, she avoids us like the plague. Babs gives Candy the most malicious glares when she walks by. There is definitely some tension between the two. I can't help but wonder if Candy slept with Locks.

My mother did come out of her room to get some food after the guys left, but she ended up throwing it up. Babs took care of her more than I did that day because I have no sympathy for her. Call it revenge for the last twenty-one years if you must, but being around my mother is like nails on a chalk board anymore. She's spent the last two days sitting at the club talking to Babs and Hawk about the club. They tried to change the subject several times, but she's not having it.

I tried to just sit and listen for a while or to help Babs with food preparations to waste some time, but I prefer being alone. I feel the numbness that was my life before, devouring my emotions. I need Shadow. He is all I can think about. He is my drug, my obsession, my addiction. Just as I did in New York during my lowest points, I grab my iPod and headphones. Listening to music helps. When I worked at the coffee shop, most of my money went to buying songs so I have a ton of tunes on the damn thing.

I lay in bed listening to Avicii’s “Hey Brother”, thinking of Shadow. He was supposed to be back today and I can't help but worry. The hour is late and he still isn't here. I could text him, but I don’t want to seem clingy. I think about the words Candy spat at me; how she has slept with Shadow and how I don't belong here. Maybe I don't belong here, but I have my father’s blood in me; surely I have some outlaw in me somewhere. It would explain more than enough as to why my mother sat on me like a damn mother bird my whole life, afraid if she turned her head I would burn the whole town down.

My father's blood running through my veins; maybe that's why I get so mad and jealous. Who am I to judge Shadow’s past, maybe he is even trying to change. All I know is I would do anything to have him hold me like he did the other night. I wouldn't care if he were mine afterwards. I would be happy with him being mine briefly if that’s all I had.

I wake up with my iPod screeching a Bruno Mars song. I pull the headphones off and see it’s 3am. Laughter outside my room catches my attention. I can hear Shadow's voice. The butterflies that left my abdomen when he left on his run come roaring back with urgency, making me feel giddy. I get up and turn the lights on to inspect my appearance. I want to look appealing when he sees me. I want to make things right between us. My hair is tousled down sitting on my breasts as usual. I grab the black Devil's Dust shirt that drives him crazy and some jean shorts that are ripped a little too high up on my thigh, making me feel sexy. I take a deep breath and open the door.

I stop to inspect where the laughing is coming from; it must be by the bar. I walk barefooted toward the sound of laughing and voices. When I turn the corner, I’m dumbfounded by the scene before me. Bobby and Shadow are on the black, leather sofa with a bare-breasted Candy sitting between them. Bobby is snorting a white, powdery substance off Candy’s nipple; cocaine.

“You want any?” Bobby asks Shadow, who is eyeing her bare chest. Bobby then slides his hand in between Candy’s thighs and up her skirt. He leans over her, whispering something into her ear that causes her to throw her head back with fake giggles.