What Doesn't Destroy Us (The Devil's Dust #1)(30)

“Take these pills every few hours, don’t mix with alcohol; but I know your stubborn ass won’t listen to that either. I’m not even going to bother with a sling because you won’t keep it on.” I laugh, because she is right. I will be back on my bike tomorrow and drinking before the night is over. That sling wouldn’t be on more than five minutes before I would be sick of it. She sets the orange bottle of pills on the table before turning to leave.

“Bobby, take care of him.” She winks at him as she leaves the room. Maybe she does want him. He jumps out of his chair and runs after her. *.

I better go check on Dani, see how she is coping with all this shit.

I look up and down the hall before entering the room. Dani is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the stained floor, deep in thought. She's still wearing that black shirt that brought me to my f*cking knees; God give me strength.

“Got the bullet out. I’m going to live.” I say, trying to break the silence. I rub the blood off on my shirt and toss the bullet at her. It falls right in front of her, catching her attention.

“This was in your arm?“ she asks, shocked as she picks it up off the floor. I nod at her question. “That’s f*cking cool!” She eyes the bullet and then my arm.

“You doing alright?” I ask, concerned. There have been hang-arounds and Ol' Ladies around the club for years who have seen less shit than Dani has in her short week with us.

“Club life, baby. Right?” She quotes me, reminding me of the time we were on the beach. Her smart-ass mouth makes me want to spank her. She turns me on in the way she defies me. No other girl has ever had the balls to get remotely fresh with me. The pain barking from my arm snaps me from the image of me spanking Dani’s ass; seems the numbing shit is wearing off quickly. I need those pills and some Jack.

“I gotta do a run tomorrow, someone else will be here to watch over you.” I lean against the door, trying to read her body language.

“Oh goody, another babysitter,” she says coldly, sarcasm in her voice.

“It’s not like that, you should know as well as anyone. It’s so you don’t get hurt.”

“Hmm, really?” She bites the corner of her bottom lip and looks down at her hands.

“Are you going to hurt me, Shadow?” She fiddles with her fingers, before looking up through those long, black lashes. Her emerald eyes pierce my f*cked-up soul, as she looks at me. We aren’t talking about her physical safety anymore, that's apparent. She is talking about this magnetic force that keeps pulling us together, even when we try our hardest to defy it. Her and I together will never happen like she wants it to. If not because of who I am, because club life won't allow it. There is no white picket fence in our future, and her dad would kill me before I could prove that to her, anyway.

It doesn’t stop me from wanting her, though. I can't tell her that I won't hurt her. Truth is, I don’t know that she won't hurt me, as * sounding as that is. Every time I'm around her, I can feel more of my wall of distrust crumble. It scares the shit out of me that I can let her in where nobody has been before. If she sees the beast I am, will she take flight? It’s what any normal person would do. But watching Dani in the last twenty-four hours, I'm starting to wonder just how normal she is.

I break eye contact, ignoring her question.

“Night, Dani.” I lock her door and go to a different room for the night; these pills are calling my name and I have a long ride tomorrow.





The sun is screaming through the small, bare window. It takes me a second to realize I’m at the Club again. Shadow's manly scent lingers on the bed sheets; I roll over and inhale the pillow as hard and long as I can. On the ride back from the safe house last night I had become angry. I didn’t even know I was in danger from Shadow's mother, and then on top of that, I was still coming to terms with the fact that I don’t even know the woman I call a mother. I’m tired of not knowing anything; of everyone keeping secrets from me. I was less than thankful to Shadow when he came in before bed. I even threw him an off-the-wall question, which he ignored. He didn’t need to answer, we both know that us coming out on the other end of this whole is unlikely. Even so, after seeing the look of pure fear on his face when we were being shot at, I refuse to believe that he would intentionally hurt me.

I lie in bed thinking about everything that has happened between Shadow and me. I’m so confused on what I want from him. Trying to stay away from him, like I swear I'm going to do, is breaking my heart as much as I know being with him will. When we're apart, all I can think about is how in sync our bodies are together, how he makes me feel, how attracted I am to him. He has to feel something, too, because he keeps coming back to me.

I roll over and see my pink suitcase by the door. Shadow must have brought it in here while I was asleep. I look down at my position on the bed and see that I’m half naked and the sheet is tangled at my feet. I’m sure the pervert got an eyeful before he left. I get up and unzip the case, grabbing some distressed jeans and a green tank top. I sniff for cleanliness; they don’t smell dirty. I head to the shower.

Everything is wet and warm when I climb into the stall. Shadow must have showered while I was asleep. Man, I must have been out of it. I wash my hair with his shampoo; the smell of him so strong I close my eyes and take it in. I imagine my fingers in his hair instead of mine, loving the way his hair curls and grooves around my fingers, it's so silky. My own long, curly wet locks are not doing the trick for me; they're not Shadow's black messy hair. I call defeat and shut the shower off. I grab the damp towel off the rack and start drying myself. My body tingles at the thought; everywhere the towel touches it has touched Shadow just moments before.