Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(39)

I shook my head. “They’re fine. I don’t know what came over me, Logan. I was fine one minute, and then it was like a switch flipped in my head. Am I going crazy?”

“Of course not. Today was nuts. I would have worried if you didn’t freak out. You can’t let your emotions bottle up inside of you. If you do, they’ll eat you alive.”

“I thought I would feel better once I saw them again. I thought that all the pain and anger I’ve kept inside would magically disappear. It didn’t, and now, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to make everything better.”

“I wish you could make it go away all at once, but there’s nothing you can do. You just have to keep living and let yourself heal. You’ve spent the last six years focusing on the things they did to you instead of the things happening in your life. Look at where you are now, Jade. You’re living your dream! You have so many people who care about you. You have to focus on those things and let the past stay where it belongs—behind you. It won’t happen in a split second. It’ll take time and patience.”

I thought about what he’d said. He was right. I had a new family now. I’d even pointed that out to my sister and David. I needed to think about them instead of my past. Logan, Eric, Drake, and even Adam were my family now. Chloe was, too. Those people were the ones I needed to focus on.

“When did you get so smart?” I finally asked.

“I’m not sure. I think it was when I talked to this really hot drummer chick one night. The love of my life had just married another man, and I was pretty down, but the hot drummer chick made me realize a few things.” He smiled down at me.

“Hot drummer chick? When can I meet her? I think I have a lot in common with her.”

He moved until he was lying beside me on the bed. It was only then when I realized I was wearing nothing but the towel he’d put around me.

“You’re different from anyone else I’ve ever met, Jade. You didn’t give up on me, even when I’d given up on myself. You have no idea how much that means to me.” He stared down at me with a troubled look on his face. “Did you mean what you said at the cemetery?”

“Which part?”

“That I’m part of your future.”

I grinned at him, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. “I guess I did. I mean, like I said earlier, I’m not expecting a ring or anything. I don’t know how to say this right. I’ve wanted you for a really long time. Now that we’re kind of together, it just feels right. Does that make sense?”

He smiled. “I’ve spent the last nine months trying to figure out what I wanted when it came to you. You’re so different from any other girl I’ve ever met. You don’t need anyone. You’re so independent that I wasn’t even sure you’d really want to be with me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, and I still don’t know. I want to be with someone who needs me. It kills me to know that you don’t.”

“You’re so wrong, Logan. I do need you. You kept me together more than once today. Just a few minutes ago, you pulled me out of that shower and helped me. I need you so damn much, and that scares me. I’ve never needed anyone.”

He leaned down and kissed me. I kept one hand clasped on my towel, so it stayed in place as my other hand went to his neck. I pulled him toward me until part of his weight was on top of me. Feeling him pressed against me was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. I felt safe, like Logan could shield me from the world.

“I’m falling in love with you. I think I have been for a while,” I whispered against his lips.

He stilled for a second before kissing me again. His lips attacked mine with a ferocity that took my breath away. His tongue slipped into my mouth and caressed mine. I moaned and wrapped my other hand around his neck, no longer worried about my towel. His lips moved to my neck, and I tilted my head to the side. He moved up to my ear and bit down gently on my earlobe before slowly kissing his way down to my shoulder.

“Your skin is so soft,” he whispered.

I didn’t say a word as he kissed lower. When he reached the top of my towel, he gave me a questioning look. I nodded, giving him the permission he was asking for. He slowly pulled the towel away, and then I was completely naked. I felt heat rise to my cheeks as he stared down at me.

“You’re so beautiful, Jade.”

I practically felt his hunger as his eyes moved down my body.

He stopped his appraisal when he noticed the script on my ribs. “What does your tattoo say?” he asked as he leaned in closer.

I shut my eyes and rolled to my side, so he could read the script. I had the words memorized.

You cannot destroy me. Only I can destroy myself.

“I had it done a few months after I ran away,” I said quietly.

“It’s true. People can affect your choices, but they can’t change the person you are.”

“So, I made myself a closed-off, bitter, old cat lady all by myself?” I asked, half-joking, half-serious.

He laughed. “You’re too hot to be the little old lady with all the cats. I promise you that.”

“You think I’m hot?” I asked innocently.

He leaned down farther and kissed the script on my ribs. “I do.”

His lips continued to explore me as he rolled me back over. He kissed a trail to my belly button and dipped his tongue inside. I gasped in shock. He kissed his way back up to my face, making sure to avoid my breasts. Then, he kissed along my neck again. I wasn’t sure if he was torturing me on purpose or not.