Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(36)

“I came here to confront you. I came here to show you and David that I made it. I escaped my childhood, and I became the woman I always wanted to be. I am successful. I am determined. I am strong. You were the weak one, the one who wouldn’t even stand up for her own children. And you know what? You and David didn’t win! You didn’t strip me of myself. Instead, you were the reason I pushed myself so hard. I wanted to show you that I am better than what I left behind. So, here I am, Mom. I. Beat. You.” I took a deep breath to control the rage building inside me. “You are my past. I am my future. The band is my future. Logan is my future. I will never look back.”

I pulled away from Logan and walked back to the car. I didn’t bother to look behind me. I’d said what I came all this way to say. As I climbed back into the car, I realized it hadn’t brought me the peace I thought it would. Instead, I still felt hollow inside. I wished David were in front of me right now. I wanted to kick and hit him until the emptiness inside of me disappeared. I wanted him to know what it was like to suffer.

The driver’s side door opened, and Logan sat down next to me. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I muttered.

Bethaney climbed into the backseat. “Are you happy now?” she asked angrily.

“No, I’m not. I won’t be happy until I find David.”

“You’re nuts, Jade! I can’t believe you said those things to our dead mother. What the f*ck is wrong with you?”

“You want a list?”

She frowned at me. “You’re not the same Jade that you used to be. You’re angry, and you’re bitter. What happened to you?”

“Trust me, I was worse than this before I left. I just hid it better.”

We glared at each other as Logan started the car. He pulled back onto the blacktop.

When we finally reached the main road, he glanced back in the rearview mirror at Bethaney. “Do you want me to drop you off at your friend’s house?”

“Yeah,” she muttered.

I turned to look at her again, but she refused to return my gaze. Instead, she stared out the window. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I watched her. Nothing was going like I’d planned. Once we dropped Bethaney off at Lily’s, I knew Bethaney would never speak to me again.

“Bethaney—”

“Don’t. You don’t get to sound remorseful after that shit.”

“I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me…I didn’t come all this way just to walk away from you again. You’re all I have left. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“What do you want me to say? The things you said back there were wrong. Mom is dead, Jade. How could you say those things to her?”

“It was the truth, Beth. We both know it. They screwed us up so badly. The way we grew up…it wasn’t right. Just because she’s gone doesn’t make what she did right.”

“I know that,” she said quietly.

“Look, we’re both upset right now. Why don’t we take a breather and try this reunion thing again? I swear, I’ll do better tomorrow.”

Her lips quirked up into a grin, but she hid it quickly. “I’m really mad at you.”

“I know, and I want to make it right. Please let me try. Give me another chance before you decide to hate me.”

Logan pulled up in front of Lily’s house, and Bethaney reached for the door.

As she swung it open, she turned back to me. “Pick me up tomorrow at noon.”

I smiled for the first time in what felt like years. “I will.”

She stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind her, letting me know that she was still pissed. I watched her walk up to the house until she disappeared inside. Logan pulled away from the curb and headed back toward our hotel.

“That was fun,” he said as he glanced over at me.

I gave him a sheepish grin. Logan had just seen the worst of me. He’d seen the monster that was always lurking just below the surface.

“I’m sorry. I lost it back there. I meant the things I said though. My mother was a coward for not standing up for my sister and me.”

He frowned. “Hey, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I watched Chloe’s mother abuse her for years. I know what she went through. You both suffered so much, and no one did a thing to stop it. You have every right to feel angry. You’re the victim, Jade, not your mom and certainly not David.”

Even hearing his name sent waves of anger coursing through my body. “I want to go back to his house.”

“Jade—”

“No, I want to see him. I’m already fired up, so now is a good time to have it out with him.”

“I think you’ve been through enough today. You have all summer to confront him. Let’s just go back to the hotel and chill, okay?”

I shook my head. “Take me to the house, or I’ll get there myself.”

He sighed. “If you’re sure…”

“I am.”

“What if he’s not there?” Logan asked.

“Then, I’ll wait until he comes home.”

“What are you going to do when you see him?”

“I’m going to tell him what a no good piece of shit he is for hurting Beth after I left. I can handle the fact that he hit me. What I can’t handle is knowing that she suffered at his hands. She’s his daughter, for God’s sake!”