The Words We Leave Unspoken(25)

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I say, wiping my fingers under my eyes, removing the last trace of my tears.

“Don’t apologize, Charley,” he whispers, showing all his cards in his eyes. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I can’t,” I say as I start to shift off his lap, removing myself from his embrace. Fear seizes my heart, holding my words, my emotions prisoner.

“Charley, please, don’t push me away. Talk to me,” Grey pleads as he holds me tighter, but I can’t. I just can’t. I try to pull away again, but he won’t let me go. I suddenly can’t breathe. I need some space; he’s too close. I push at his chest and try to stand. He releases me, although reluctantly.

I step away until I am in the middle of the room, keeping my back to him as my heartbeat slows and I feel a sense of calm wash over me.

“Why can’t you talk to me, Charley? We can be more than this. I want to be more than this. If you’ll just let me. Just let me in.” Grey’s voice is laced with frustration and understanding at the same time. It’s as if he knows me. His words a testament to that fact, because he’s right. I won’t let him in. I can’t let him in.

I hear him move behind me seconds before I feel him pull me against him, my back to his front. He wraps his arms around me and dips his head down to my shoulder, kissing me lightly on the neck. His lips trace an imaginary line to the space behind my ear and I close my eyes, reveling in the feel of him. I turn slowly and move my hands to his hair as I pull his lips to mine, all at once needing to be with him in the only way I know.

Grey must feel the same way as he pulls me tighter into his arms, his tongue wrapping around mine in a seductive dance. I can feel him grow hard against me and it only fuels the fire ignited in my core. Scooping me up in one swift move, Grey walks through my bungalow slowly, unsure of where to go, until he finds my bedroom and lies me gently on the bed. He slowly peels my yoga pants and lace panties from my body, followed by my T-shirt and bra. When I am completely naked, lying bare and vulnerable before him, he steps back and looks at me while he undoes his belt and pushes his slacks and boxer briefs to the ground. I meet his gaze until my eyes shift lower where he strokes his throbbing erection in his hand. The air feels thick and charged with a new intensity that I can’t explain, my need to feel him inside me just as strong as ever but shadowed by a sense of fear as if this is our first time together. I reach for him and close my eyes when I feel the weight of his body against mine. I can feel his gaze as if it is burning through my closed lids but I can’t look at him now – not when he’s this close.

His hand finds my folds with a gentle yet potent caress, bringing me to the brink as my breath escalates until I am practically panting. And then with one slow, strong thrust he is inside me, and I melt around him as if he was made just for me. My fingers claw at his back as I pull him closer, his lips at my neck moving in the same slow, punishing rhythm as his hips. As he moves in and out of me, in complete control, I can’t help but feel something different from before. Swirled with the usual and intense heat in my belly, the frenzied need building in my core, is a sense of longing, an almost emptiness and fulfillment braided together as one. Grey never once changes his speed or his intensity, despite my pleas, as we move together until we both find what we are in search of. I explode around him just as he fills me with his release and I lay completely satiated in his arms. Emotions boil just below the surface, the debilitating fear threatens to take hold but I push it away. I feel tired, weary. As if Grey is my weakness, crumbling what little strength I have to keep the wall around my heart intact. I just want to lie here and relish in this feeling for a while. I want to feel something for just a moment longer, before it all evaporates into thin air and I’m left to deal with the consequences.



I slowly open my eyes and feel Grey’s strong arms wrapped around me, the heat from his bare skin almost suffocating. The soft orange glow of dawn leaks in through the cracks in the blinds, alerting me that it’s morning and my body turns rigid at the realization that Grey and I slept together. He stayed the night. I turn slowly in his arms to wake him but I feel that little nudge again when I see the soft innocence of his features, the vulnerability captured by sleep. He stirs and pulls me tighter against him, a lazy smile appears on his face and I know that he’s awake even though his eyes are still closed.

“Grey?” I whisper.

“Mmm. Yeah,” he says, his voice scratchy from sleep.

“Grey, get up, it’s morning,” I say, digging my finger into his shoulder.

He smiles bigger and nuzzles in even closer.

“Yes it is,” he says, kissing my cheek. “Let’s have morning sex.” I feel his erection digging into my hip.

“We both have to be at work soon,” I say, unable to keep the anxiety from my voice.

“Then let’s have quick morning sex,” he says, flipping me on top of him in one swift move.

I try to push away from him, “Grey, I’m serious. You need to go.”

“I’m serious too. And I need to come,” he says as he tries to kiss me. He’s laughing now. He thinks this is funny. He runs his hand down between us and I feel my body slowly begin to betray me. I don’t do morning sex. I don’t do sleepovers. But the feel of Grey’s hand in all the right places makes me feel at ease, it feels familiar. I moan and ease myself onto Grey, forgetting all about the fact that it’s morning, forgetting the way Grey unravels me, forgetting myself completely. I move slowly at first, finding a rhythm that works for both of us, and before long we are both panting and frantic with need until I am trembling above him, searching for breath. At the same time, I hear Grey grunt as he empties into me.