The Words We Leave Unspoken(21)

“Shh, be quiet,” I scold as I sit on the edge of the bed. “I just couldn’t tell him. We were having so much fun and connecting in a way that we haven’t in a long time. I’ll tell him soon. I will.” I say this to reassure Charley as much as myself.

“Oh Gwen. You have to tell him. You can’t keep this from him.”

“I know. I will.”

Charley sits up and wraps her arms around me and the weight of the truth envelops me as much as her embrace. I just wish it would all go away. All of it.

I hear Charley groan and then she bolts out of bed, nearly knocking me to the ground, as she runs for the bathroom across the hall. I follow her when I hear her retch repeatedly, the bathroom door left wide open. Her slim figure is bent over the toilet and I feel awful for her.

“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” I ask when she finally collapses onto her knees with her head resting on the toilet.

“Oh God. This is the worst. Children are evil,” she mumbles into the arm that her face is buried in.

“Sorry about that. But thank you for taking care of Max. You could have called me, ya know?” I lean against the doorway and fold my arms over my chest, watching her.

“I know. But I also knew you needed the time alone. We survived, though.” And then she lifts her head and turns to look at me, “Please tell me that Ben left?”

“Yeah, he left. He said to tell you that he hopes you feel better.”

“Which reminds me. I’m pissed at you,” she says, narrowing her eyes at me before dropping her face back down in the crook of her arm.

“I can only imagine,” I deadpan, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, waiting for her to lay into me.

“I’m so mad that you didn’t tell me.”

“I have my reasons, ya know.”

“Ugh. I can’t talk about this right now. I feel like shit,” she says with her face pressed into her arm, her words so muffled I can hardly comprehend what she’s saying. “Shut the door. I’m just gonna lay here for awhile.”

“Okay. Just yell if you need anything. I take it you’re spending the night?”

“Obviously.”

I close the bathroom door and lean against it, taking a moment’s pause. I didn’t tell John that I have cancer. I didn’t tell Charley that Ben was back in town or that he was our pediatrician. I’ve been avoiding my mother for weeks. I know that it’s time to face it all, but I just want to crawl under a rock and hide. Life feels too complicated at the moment. I think of the appointment that I have the following day with the new oncologist. Maybe after I have more information it will be easier to talk to John. Maybe when they can offer a solution, the truth won’t be so hard to divulge.

“Mommy,” I hear Max call out from the family room. I smile and think how predictable this part of my life is. And predictable is exactly what I need right now.

“Be right there,” I answer as I push off the bathroom door and walk swiftly toward my son, all at once needing to feel his small frame in my arms.





Chapter 14





Charley


I open my eyes to sunlight streaming in around closed blinds, the brightness causing an unbearable pain in my head. I can hear dishes clanking from the kitchen and muffled voices signaling the chaos of Gwen’s Monday morning. I really don’t know how she does this shit every day. I sit up slowly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes before gulping down a warm glass of water from the nightstand, feeling completely parched. I am suddenly starving, a good sign that I’m over the flu.

I glance at my phone on the nightstand, noting the time, and decide to text Grey to let him know that I won’t be at the office today. I may be late often but I have never missed a day of work.

His response comes immediately. Are you okay?

Yes. Max shared the stomach flu with me, but I feel much better. I’m still in Seaport though.

Okay. Call me later. Feel better and drive safe.

I stumble into the kitchen to find Gwen frantically packing lunch boxes while at the same time flipping pancakes on the stovetop.

“She’s alive,” she says before calling Olivia and Max to the kitchen. In an instant it sounds as if a herd of elephants are coming down the stairs and my head pounds with each thunderous thud.

I grab a warm pancake from the impressive stack that Gwen has prepared and slowly nibble on it.

“What’s your plan today?” Gwen asks. “Going in to work?”

“No way. Still recovering. I think I’ll take a shower and head home. How about you?”

Max and Olivia plop down simultaneously in barstools at the kitchen island and Gwen places their plates on the counter in front of them.

She leans in close and whispers in my ear, “I’ve got my appointment with Dr. Sheldan at eleven.”

I nod as she turns and starts to tell the kids that Kristin is picking them up from school today. Max pumps his fist in the air, and yells, “Yes, I get to play Carter’s new Xbox.”

I cringe at the peak of his voice as it rattles my brain.

Olivia whines, “Seriously Mom? It’s so boring. I’m the oldest one there.”

“Well just start on your homework and I’ll be there to pick you up as soon as I can,” Gwen says.