The Words We Leave Unspoken(24)

And that’s it. I am officially dying of cancer. I am going to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week but someday soon. Someday that will come sooner than it should, sooner than I planned. I know, though, as sure as the Seattle rain, I will fight for every one-more-day.

I try to hold on to this brief moment of strength, but as my thoughts shift to John, the reality sinks in, the fear takes hold and my strength crumbles to the ground where it is washed away in a steady stream of rain. I am left vacant, knowing what lies ahead; I have to tell John.





Chapter 16





Charley


I hear a knock, startling me as I wipe the tears from my eyes and go to the door. I’ve been sitting in a pool of pity, thinking only of Gwen for hours. The tears haven’t stopped falling since she dropped me off. I am suddenly aware of my disheveled appearance, but really after the day I’ve had, I don’t care as much as I should.

I open the door to find Grey standing on the top step, leaning in under the eaves to keep dry, holding up a white paper bag from Sam’s Deli. He’s still dressed in his office attire, although his suit jacket and tie are missing. My breath catches in my throat as I look into his warm eyes. His looks never cease to amaze me, but there is something else, like a small nudge to the heart that I can’t seem to put my finger on.

“Grey, what are you doing here?” I ask, completely taken by surprise.

“I wanted to check on you. And I brought you some soup. Your favorite, lemon chicken from Sam’s.” He hands me the bag and I look at him in awe.

“How’d you know that was my favorite?” I ask him.

Grey taps his temple with his index finger and says, “I know a few things.” And then he sinks his hands into the pockets of his dress slacks and shrugs. “And I pay attention.”

And another unidentifiable nudge. This simple gesture sends a ripple of warmth through me.

I run my hand through my wild hair, nervously, and step aside, a subtle invitation for him to come inside.

He steps through the doorway and looks around. He has never been inside my place; we always go to his condo.

“This is cute,” he says as I close the door. It’s a far cry from his expensive high-rise condo downtown, but I have to agree, it is cute.

“Thanks. I wasn’t expecting you, I’m kind of a mess,” I say, placing my hand on my forehead, feeling a bit flushed suddenly. I feel so vulnerable in the moment. Something I don’t like to feel. I like to be in control and Grey has caught me completely off guard.

“Are you still feeling sick?” he asks with concern etched in his eyes.

I had almost forgotten that I was sick, it seems like days ago. My stomach rumbles loudly, filling the silence and Grey’s concerned expression morphs into a full grin.

I cringe. “Apparently I’m feeling better, and starving for that matter,” I say. Holding the open bag up to my face, I inhale and add, “This soup smells so good, mind if I eat?”

“Not at all. Please eat.”

“Do you want some?” I ask as I step into the kitchen to grab a spoon from the utensil drawer.

“Nah. I just came from an early business dinner.” Grey sits down on the sofa, his hands clasped in his lap. He seems nervous as he rubs the inside of his left palm with the thumb of his right hand. I don’t blame him. This feels a little awkward. This isn’t what we do.

“Would you like something to drink?” I ask while I remove the container of soup from the bag and lift off the lid. The soup really does smell heavenly and I realize that I haven’t eaten anything since the dry pancake I nibbled on at Gwen’s early this morning.

“I’m good,” he replies.

I take my soup and sit down on the sofa next to him, curling my legs up underneath me. We sit in silence, as I shovel spoonfuls of warm soup into my mouth. I look up when I feel Grey’s eyes on me. I stop eating, feeling completely unnerved and flash him a subtle smile.

“Thank you. For the soup. It’s so good,” I say, averting my eyes from his intense gaze.

Grey reaches over and places his hand on my leg. “Is everything okay, Charley?” he asks.

I set my half-empty soup container on the coffee table as I feel the tears bubble to the surface. I try to fight them as I start to say, “Everything’s fine,” but my words get caught in my throat. The tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks before I can stop them and I feel so very vulnerable and scared, but at the same time I don’t care. I can’t hold it in another moment or I might combust. These are emotions that I save only for Gwen. Gwen is the only one who I confide in, who comforts me, but I can’t talk to her about this. I have to be strong for her. I can’t let her see me fall apart.

I feel strong arms around me as Grey pulls me into his lap and holds me tight. The fear and uncertainty unleashes, practically bursts out of me and I sob onto his shoulder, shaking in despair. And Grey just holds me, rubbing his hand up and down my back in a soothing motion. I feel so small and fragile in his arms, wrapped against his large, strong frame. I can’t remember the last time someone held me like this. Or rather that I allowed someone to hold me like this.

When the sobs begin to ebb and I can breathe once again, I pull back and wipe my face with the bottom of my T-shirt.

I look at Grey through bleary eyes and suddenly feel so embarrassed.