The Space Between Us(94)
“Charlie,” I say as I run my thumb over her cheek, as I search her eyes for the girl I have loved for most of my life. “It isn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong.” I press my lips on to hers, just making contact, a kiss meant to soothe.
“I lost our babies,” she said against my lips, through tears, breaking the very last piece of my heart.
“Oh, Bit, you didn’t lose our babies. They weren’t ready yet.” I moved my mouth along her face, kissing away tears that were still flowing down her face. “They’re waiting for us. I promise we’ll meet them someday. But it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.” I leaned back and pushed her hair back from her face again, wanting to see her eyes. She didn’t shy away from me; she stared right back at me.
“I’ve spent so many years wondering how you could have been with someone else. How, if you felt even one fraction of the love I felt for you, you could give that part of you to someone so quickly. I didn’t know how to deal with it, deal with you being with her, deal with the miscarriage. I still don’t know how. I just ran. I left. I borrowed money from my dad and I went somewhere new.” She closed her eyes and swallowed, gulping down emotion.
“Don’t run away from me anymore, please. I’m here. I’ve been here all along. I’ve got nothing without you. Please…” I pressed my lips to hers again, but this time I meant to convince her, to end the separation, to crush the space between us. My lips crashed into hers and she didn’t fight me, didn’t push me away, but didn’t kiss me either. “Let me in, Bit. Let me back in.” I kissed her again, softer, making silent promises, invisible vows that I wouldn’t break again. I’d never let her hurt again – not for a misunderstanding. I kissed her as if I was trying to save her or myself. I kissed her to bring her back.
My entire world exploded when I felt her hands slide up my back and her lips kiss me back.
Charlie
Was this really happening?
Were Asher’s hands really running freely through my hair? And were my hands running along his back? How had we gotten to this place? My heart began to race as my mind tried to take over, fears leaking through this wonderful moment.
“Asher,” I said against his mouth. He didn’t answer me. He just kissed me harder, with more passion. I gave in to it, allowing my body to enjoy his for a little while. It was hard not to; he was all I had wanted since forever. Our mouths fused and our tongues slid across each other, and I was reminded of how our bodies seemed to be made for each other. His hands stretched all over me: my waist, my hips, my arms, my stomach, my neck. It was as if he couldn’t feel enough of me, as if I was going to slip away.
“Asher,” I repeated as his lips pulled away from mine, only to travel down my neck. “Please, let’s slow down. I need a breather.” Even saying the words hurt. He slowed, but he didn’t stop.
“If I let you go,” he said between kisses that were slipping between my breasts, making me gasp, “I’m afraid I’ll never get you back.” He grabbed my waist and lifted me to sit on the edge of the counter. I was eye level with him and he wormed his way in between my legs, pushing his hips into mine. I became instantly aware of the fact that I was just in my underwear and I lost all control of the situation. I raised my hand up and placed it on his chest, pushing him away. I had to add my other hand and push hard, but I finally got him to step backwards so I could look him in the eyes.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” I tried to wiggle down from the counter but was just met by the brick wall that was his body. He wasn’t moving for anything.
“Give me three reasons why this is a bad idea.” He crossed his arms in front of him, unwilling to budge.
“Well, for one, we haven’t even really solved any problems. I am just supposed to take your word for it that you didn’t sleep with her?”
“Yes. You are. I’ve got no reason to lie to you. I was a nineteen-year-old boy, Bit. I was dumb and stupid and I never should have walked out on you the way I did, but I did not sleep with her. I’m not sitting here trying to rationalize anything. I did not sleep with anyone. Not until you’d been gone a long time.”
“And your words are just supposed to be enough? I’ve been grappling with this for years and I’m just supposed to move on? Forget it? Assume you’re not lying?”
“Yes. Now give me the second reason.”
“We’re two completely different people than we were back in college. We might not even be compatible anymore.” At those words Asher gave me the biggest and brightest smile I had ever seen. I didn’t smile back, but seeing his dimple definitely made my wall crumble a little more.
“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” he said with his sexy smile. “We’ll always be compatible. You’re an extension of me. A piece I’ve been missing for so long, Bit.” His voice softened and his smile disappeared, replaced by a sad look in his eyes that tugged at a part of my heart that had been dormant for a very long time. His hand rested on my bare knee and then slowly slid down my calf. His other hand did the same thing and when his hands reached my ankles, he grabbed them and wrapped them around his waist, once again pulling me into him. His eyes never left mine as his hands left my ankles and moved to my waist. One hand wrapped around my middle, pulling me even closer into him. His other hand moved up to the clasp of my bra.